I need advice on dealing with in-laws.?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost five years and we plan on getting married and starting a family very soon. Me and his family ( mainly mother and sister) have attempted to get along over these years without sucess. We used to be able to tolorate each other or at least I would over look them and kiss their A--
I could never do anything right for his mother and I mean nothing and I think his sister just has some sort of complex that I'm taking away her big brother. She is a child " 17" I know that me and his family will never get along and I'm scared that this will destroy our relationship if I don't teat this situation with the right knowledge in hand. I don't want this to happen especially since we are now trying for a child. WHAT DO I DO? Please Help.

Thanks everyone for your interested answers. Just a little more info, I have tried to do some of these things like including his family in activites like taking his sister out and spending down time with mom, helping with house chores and errands. We are now not on speaking terms. I'm cool with that but what about my future children. And no nasty answers please. People use these discussions for personal experiences from other people not attitude.

Answer 1

i can tell you one thing, i have been in your shoes. when my husband and i first got together his mom and his sister hated me. and that was ok because the feeling was mutual. he basicaly looked at his mom and told her "hey this is the girl i want to be with, forever, and if you don't like it that to f** bad. " His mom wasn't very happy with this. he moved out of the house and moved in with me. She only saw him on holidays because he didn't want anything to do with her if she wasn't going to accept me. And yes i know it has to do with "taking away her baby boy" blah blah blah. His mom didn't like me until 2 yrs later when i gave birth to her granddaughter. Mind you, we were already married. So my advice to you is be kind, be nice and take it with a grain of salt. If he loves you then he will be the one to step up and say somethig to his family. He'll be a man about the situation and explain to everyone that you are the one for him and they need to accept you and respect you and the relationship that he has with you. Good Luck!

Answer 2

It's not unusual to have friction between you and your in-laws. It depends on how important it is to your significant other that you get along. If he plans on having you spend lots of time with them it is going to be a major strain on your relationship, if you only have to see them occasionally it might be something you can tolerate. And not to get to far up into your business but if you plan on doing the whole marriage and children thing you should try and do them in that order. You said you are planning on getting married and then later you said you are trying for a child. Stabilize your relationship first then have children, children are great but are an additional strain on the relationship. Show your to be in-laws the strength of your conviction and it may go a long way toward winning them over.

Answer 3

1st off these people are not your in-laws. They are your boyfriends parents. You shouldn't be trying to have a child, to much turmoil in your life and you're not even married .....

You all need to get some space and distance from one another. Your relationship will end up down the path of no return if you don't get some help with counseling

Quit blaming others for the things that are going on in your life. Doing this alone states that you're immature and are not ready for the responsibility of marriage and children.

Answer 4

First, don't look at it as kissing their ***, maybe they sense you are going through the motions. Be yourself but be creative, ask the mom or sister to dinner by yourself or to the movies. Look for ways to include them in your lives together. Most families really do want to get along, it is just hard because that structure has been the same for so long, it is hard for somebody else to make a place in it.

Answer 5

Act as if you do like them. Act as if you adore them with out kissing their ***. They must have done something right to have a brother and son that you love. When you are around them, just know that you can be nice and (not fake) because they will be leaving soon.
I have an irritating mil and I just always know that she will be leaving soon. and I try and put myself in her shoes. She has no idea that she bugs me. It makes my husband happy that I don't complian about her ever. He doesn't even know cuz thats his MOM. and he loves her and she loves him and there is nothing I can do about it,but get along to keep the happiness in my marriage. Hope that helps.

Answer 6

well my bf's family really likes me, so I cant relate, but I can suggest some things - have a nice long talk with his mother, just you two - "hang out" watch a movie with her and her 17 year old daughter. Just try a little harder- keep trying, and now since youre getting married they will eventually understand that they need to put some effort into liking you too, since youre there to stay. so anyway - put time into it. keep trying - and give it time

Answer 7

Alert your bf to the situation, keep everything very low key, don't let them get to you, smile a lot and say very little. This is not a family I would want to marry into, but I am not you. Good luck

Answer 8

shucks if you been dealing with them for this long whatever you are doing must be working. things will change when you have a child you just make sure that the child isnt around their negative attitudes and let them know that for the childs sake you need to find common ground or they dont see the child. sorry but you have to put your foot down...

Answer 9

IGNORE THEM... SIMPLY IGNORE THEM!!

My wife has been trying to make friends with my parents for 28 years now...and they dont like her..and they dont particularly like me either, so, we both ignore my parents completely now.

I am hospitable to them and visit with them every holiday, (they only live 3 miles from me and never come to visit, yet my brother lives 2 miles from them and they used to visit them all the time...really burned us up...as we caught them going to the store, right across the highway to our house and told them to stop over...they never did...)

So, we are cordial and thats all... My wife finally learned, that on my dads 80th birthday, my mom and brother went half on a cake, (we had our presents ready to take out), and we called to see what time to come out and my mom said around 7pm...well, my brother came out at 5 and took HALF THE CAKE! We got there at 7 and wife was furious..no pictures!

THAT, was the turning point for her finally!

So, if they dont like you, then its THIER LOSS!!

I wish you well..

Jesse

Answer 10

All you can do is be yourself, and do your best to be civil. They just have to accept that you and your boyfriend are in a committed relationship. You and your b/f need to be united in how you deal with them, and he needs to always show you respect and care in relation to his family.