how a gay/lesbian relationship works?

Question

Do one have to b the male the other the female?how does it works.

i know it mind me a stupid question for some people

Answer 1

Don't be afraid to ask such a question. How else will you learn? ...and ignore anyone who bites your head off for asking, because it's a question a lot of people raised in a mainstream heterosexual society have, and I'd rather they ask me and other non-heterosexuals than try to get answers from talk shows and bad movies.

I've tried to explain this many different ways to heterosexuals, and here's the answer that seems to work best:
When it comes to a relationship between two women, there is no such thing as "the man" or "a man" because the whole point OF the relationship is that it is between two WOMEN.

I've been in several lesbian relationships and each has been a bit different, but in each, I have considered myself to be a woman who loves another women.

Never have I been in a sexual relationship with a woman where
she was consistently more aggressive in bed with me--our relationships were about giving and receiving, about challenging traditional ideas about gender and power and the ideal body, and we usually took turns experimenting with what made us and our partner happy.

Never have I been romantically involved with a woman who always wanted to play the feminine/passive role, with me always leading when we danced, being the one to pick her up for dates, etc. Rather, my relationships with women have involved us sharing equal power and responsibility, taking delight both in being the one to give flowers and the one to get flowers, the one to cook dinner and the one to be served a hot meal, etc.

Also, from what close friends who are gay and male tell me, its much the same for them.

Of COURSE there are always walking stereotypes--gay men that will tell you they have always been a top/"the man," or the bottom/"the woman," but that's the same as it is with heterosexual traditionalists who worry about who "wears the pants in their relationship, thinking that a mother who works outside the home is setting a bad example for her children and that a man shouldn't cry or express deep emotions in public.

In general though, homosexuals challenge traditional ideas about gender. They aren't all walking stereotypes. They don't all lisp, have really short hair/nails, spend all their time at dance clubs, or spend any significant amount of time worrying about if they are too masculine/feminine, or not masculine/feminine enough.

Answer 2

Nope. Both are equals in the relationship. Sexually there is a lot more creativity. Sex isn't just about penetration. So in this sense, one does not have to be the male and the other the female, this implies the idea that one has to do the penetrating and one has to receive it and this is the role they play. In gay/lesbian relationships that mold is broken. Sex is expanded upon from just being about penetration. It encompasses so much more. It is not to say that penetration does not occur, I'm just saying that sexual relationships expand beyond just that.

When in a relationship where sex includes penetration then different things occur:
1) some relationships do have one who takes the male role and one who takes the female role, but only in the sexual sense of penetration.
2) the vast majority choose a versatile role. That means that they take turns penetrating and being penetrated

Within gay males, only 30-40% have penetrative sex, the other 60-70% do not have penetrative sex. About 30% of gay males never engage in penetrative sex, the other 70% may try it once in both roles just to say they've experienced it. Within lesbians I've been told that in general penetrative sex does occur and that it is versatile sex and that nonpenetrative sex is rare (basically it's the opposite of what it is for gay males).

But gay and lesbian relationships aren't just about sex. Indeed, there are gay and lesbian couples who are celibate. In this instance, the couple values each other as equals and all responsibilities are either done together or are delegated equally between the two. Person A does the laundry, mows the lawn, feeds the pets while Person B does the cooking, manages the finances, etc.

In the relationship that I am in, we discuss things together and do them equally in most cases. For example, financial decisions are made together, we both share in the responsibility of cooking (we prepare meals together), and we both feed our pets. He does his own laundry and I do my own laundry, though. However, if there are clothes in the dryer of his I will take them out and bring them in and place my clothes from the washer to the dryer and he will do the same if the situation is reversed). Religiously we do things together as well (as much as possible anyways since we are two different religions. He is his native religion and I am Hindu). And sexually we are a couple that does not engage in penetrative sex (just to clarify my earlier point on the subject).

Hope that helped answer your question.

Peace be with you.

Answer 3

those of you who keep saying shes mentally challenged for asking are rude. Its an okay question to ask. i thought about it too when i first realised my feelings.
There are no roles in any relationship: male-male, male-female, female-female. There are straight relationships where the one with the penis is very feminine and submissive, while the person having a vagina is more masculine and in charge. Some relationships work so well that you cant tell. My friends parents (male-female) are such great partners that no one acts more dominate or more recessive. in them i see THE PERFECT relationship! The mom does some of the fatherly duties like being a boyscout mom-leader and teaching her sons moral male stuff. she also helps the daughter with everything girly. The dad helps his daughter with boys, takes her shopping, etc. along with, teaching his sons sports and "manly" stuff. they have such a great relationship and are such great ppl that it wouldnt matter who was male or female... just that they love eachother. which they do. its so great.

i know i was basically reiterating what they said, but i hope you got a fresher male-female look of the subject.

Yours Truely
BiBaby

Answer 4

It works much the same as straight relationships. It's not like gay relationships are so strange and spooky and weird and different. I'm bisexual and I've dated men and women, so I know this for a fact. Any relationship needs good lines of communication, healthy respect for each other, and sexual desire. The rest you work out on a case by case basis. Trust me, there is really nothing weird or stranger about gay relationships - they're just as boring.

And I've never had a relationship with a girl where one of us was the male. That kinda defeats the point of dating women wouldn't it? I've had relationships where one of us was more sexually agressive, or better with power tools or liked sports more, but none of those things made me or my partner into a man. Right now my girlfriend could probably change your oil in about 10 minutes while I struggle to find the dipstick, but that doesn't make her a man or manly. I wear lots of men's shirts, but I tend to wear them with flow-y shirts and I have a chandiler earring addiction. I've never felt like a man in my life, much less in my relationships.

Answer 5

It works just like any other relationship - through trust, love, respect and common goals & interest. It amazes me that so many people think that we are so different from heterosexuals. I have been in my realtionship for 10 years. Sometimes it's easy sometimes it's not, but you have to make the commitment. We have a son, he's 9, a house, a dog, friends, family and neighbors that really do like us. It takes work, all relationships do. These days it's so easy to quit and walk away and that's why 50% of all marriages fail - you have to work at it - but first of all you really have to want it. I love my partner and our son, our life is really good and it's been worth all of the hard work.

Answer 6

You have not located the proper girl but. There are plenty folks out right here who're loving and being concerned and DO understand how to be in a courting. This is NOT a judgement - that is whatever I needed to do additionally, however probably you must step again and evaluate the style of individual you are going after and difference your recommendations on who and what's a well girl for you. Good success honey, do not ever quit!

Answer 7

It works the same as any other relationship. Noone has to be male or female, often one person may be more masculine in lloks or personality. One more asseertive..but there is no set formula. It works however it works. Mine works well, for me.

Answer 8

No, it works like every relationship. A relationship doesn't necessarily work with one dominant and one submissive, but every relationship works best if one person makes up for the qualities that the other person lacks.

Answer 9

I DIDNT UNDERSTAND A WORD U JUST SAID! gay/lesbian relationship works the same.

Answer 10

no not in my relatoinship....she doesnt act like the male and neither do i..if i wanted her to be a guy i would just date a guy in the first place. but i dont want a man and neither does she. im just a lil bossy