Divorce Questions from a Teenager.?

Question

My parents say that they are getting a divorce. I am 13 years old, and as you know, that's the age where you have to pick between mother or father. I don't know what i should do! I have an identical twin sister, and we want to go with the same parent. But both of my older sisters (18 & 21 year old; even though they're not involved in the divorce circle because they are adults) chose to live with my dad, because my mom restricts them from partying and seeing their boyfriends. Me and my twin sister want to live with BOTH of them even though we know that it's no possible to work out that way. We want to live with our dad, but we don't want to live my mom all alone, like no one in my family of 6 loves her! I don't want to live my mom ALL ALONE when she has 4 GIRLS & no one wants to live with her. I am afraid that she will hate me if I go live with my dad after the divorce. I know that i can visit her on weekends and on holidays; but i want to see her EVERYDAY! What can i do to settle this?

Answer 1

the thing to look at is who has influanced your life the most. brought out the best in you & who wants to take care of you in the best possible way. the next 5 years are crutial to your development as young adults & the desisions that you make right now will affect you the rest of your life.

i can understand that you don't want your mom to be alone but if she cannot provide the best enviroment for you... you could have some problems down the road as an adult & she could feel that she has failed as a mother or she might have a difficult time handling certain situations.

If no one in your family likes your mom it may be harder to count on them for support if needed should a crisis arise.

if you choose your father at least you have your other sisters that are closer to him & could help out if something goes wrong.

if you choose you dad you can still talk to your mom everyday & send pictures thru e-mail & such.

make the desicion as you were to make it for someone else that might make it easier to choose what is best for you.

hope this helps,

ss

Answer 2

You have to follow your heart without feeling guilty about it. I you would prefer to live with your dad, then I would choose to do so. You can't worry about your mom's situation because you have to worry about YOU at this point. You didn't make the decision to divorce your parents, they chose to get the divorce. She is partially responsible for that decision, so if she ends up living alone just remember that she is in the situation because of a decision that she made and those are the consequences of that decision. She is the adult and you should just enjoy your childhood while it lasts. I know it sounds harsh, but it's really just one of lifes learning experiences. Don't worry - it will work out. Things always get worse before they can get better.

Answer 3

Wow that is tough, but I completely understand. My parents were divorced when I was twelve. I didn't get a choice. I lived with my mom and she was very strict and I visited with my dad every other weekend. Talk with your parents and ask how far away they plan on living from each other. The closer they live to each other, the more you'll be able to see them both.

I'm now in my thirties and I can honestly say that everything turned out okay.

Answer 4

tell the judge that you want to live with both and tell them that it is too unfair to have to choose between two parents that you love.
You want to be able to live with them both the same amount of time. If school is a problem then, that is something that you will have to really consider. However, it might be able to be worked out. I know it is hard and it is not a decision that a teen should have to make. Take care and remember they both love you and the easy way out ............to go with the parent with the least rules is not always the best way.

Answer 5

Your elder sisters are involved, even if you don`t think they are, as you say they are old enough to know what they think they want.
In your own heart..... what do you want, you seem torn between both parents, I think whatever you decide it`ll upset someone.
At 13 it`s a very hard age to choose what to do, and it could affect your own out look on the future.
Talk to as many people as you can, at the end of the day it`s your decision, you`ll probably hurt someone but that part of llife as you`ll find out.
If you want to talk any more then mail me, I`ll be away for 2 week from friday the 16th, but please don`t feel that you`re alone.

Answer 6

i am sorry to hear about your parents divorce. this is obviously a big decision so you should really take a lot of time before you decide. you might not want to stay with your mom just because you will feel bad that she is all alone. you might feel a little guilty but at the same time you need to go where you feel you will be happiest. try to figure out where you will have the best life and try not to feel bad about your choice because either way you are going to end up missing one parent. hang in there.

Answer 7

I can not choose for you but i will suggest one thing let your mom know of your decisions rather than her finding from the judge! It will hurt her but it will hurt even more if the judge breaks the news to her! At least this way she may cry cuz she is hurt but you will be there to comfort her explain her your reasons etc! Than she will be prepared for the time when the judge breaks the news.
Another thing do not choose your father just becasue he will let you go wild! There is a reason why your mom is strict. Are your elder sisters have your respect? Do you look upon them for advice or just cuz they go to parties and have boyfriends! There is a time forever thing in life and i guess your mom is trying to tell you the same in a different way 13 is not the age to have a boyfriend its the age to have ambitious dreams and working towards it... time to pass get thru high school with a 4.0 G.P.A and get into a university and once you know what your heading for than get a boyfriend by that time you will be mature enough for one!! By than you will know where your life is heading towards! many gals while in high school get distracted with boys and lose track of education, for teenagers going to parties, having boyfriend sounds cool and more fun but in the long run that dont pay your bills. Rather than working in a nice office one ends up working in Burger king or JC Penny etc forever!
Anyways that my way of looking at things but since you have made up ur mind be there for your mom know she will need someone since now she has no one!!

Answer 8

I am really sorry that you have to go through this. Usually it is not up to a child of your age. Are your parents making you choose? How awful if they are! Don't feel like you are letting anyone down! See if you can live in both places - switch back and forth or do some kind of visitations.

Good luck!

Answer 9

At this point, worry about yourself, not your mom's feelings. You have to decide where it will be better for you to live. Do you really think your mother will actually hate you? Have some faith in her as a mother. And truthfully, if she were to feel resentful of you for choosing to live with your father over herself, that would be very immature on her part.

You have a dilemma, because on the one hand you say you want to live with your father, but on the other hand you want to see your mom everyday. You can't have both, and you need to make a decision. Base the decision on what you really, really want in your heart.

Answer 10

Go live with your mom. She needs you and will set a better example that your dad. If all the kids go with Dad it will break her heart. I havd to make that decision at 13 and it was hard. I chose the same as your older sisters and now I sincerely which I hadn't. My mom woul dhave guided me to make better decisions that doing drugs and drinking and havign sex WAY to early. Your mom really needs your love and support and your dad does too but make it a nice blalance and be sweet to her. They are both suffering. Good Luck to you both.