What are some potential problems that I may face. I love her so much and I would not want my relationship to end for something I couldn't forsee at this point. I don't want to be be blinded by love.
2006-06-14 08:19:38 · 15 answers · asked by El Luigy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What is your fiance's relationship with the boy's father? If he is an absent father discuss adopting the boy. That way you will prevent any future problems with parental rights and visitation.
Also look deeply into the relationship you currently have with this boy. You are marrying him also. He will be with you for at least the next ten years. Does he get along with you? Do you get along with him? Do you plan on having additional children? What are his feelings in regards to having a half brother or sister? Confront all the potential problems before the marriage and get clear and solid answers.
2006-06-14 08:26:18 · answer #1 · answered by yes_its_me 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get to know the child and become a friend and well as a constant figure in their life. My hubby and I are divorcees and also went into our relationship with children. It was a bit tough in the beginning but eventually it all worked out. I have developed a relationship with my step-daughters that I wouldn't trade for the world and he is a wonderful father to my sons. This wasn't the Brady bunch but it has all worked out because we dedicated our love for each other to our children and assured them that no matter what we would always love them. Love the child as if they were yours and guard them from harm. This way you will always be loved by the child and it will never hamper you relationship with your future wife. Take care and good luck.Also, allow time to get to know her child and to become stronger with her when you face dilemmas that you have no control over. Remember, though you may love her, and she loves you, her first and truest love will be her child and you must never compete for her with the child. Respect the fact that they had her first and that they too have to adjust to this situation.
2006-06-14 15:32:20 · answer #2 · answered by MariClaude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to replace Daddy but do your best to be a positive male role model in his life.
My son adores my fiance'. My son knows that I make the major decisions about his future - when he can spend time out of state with his real father, when he's allowed to date, etc etc
I'm not looking to stop being the strong parent for my son and hand it off to my fiance' after we are married. (My sister's husband was a single father who pretty much just handed her the reins after the honeymoon and the kids resented it).
Things to be considerate of in the future would include puberty and all the wonderful questions and awkwardness that comes along with it. (I had my son spend time with his uncle to talk about "guy stuff").
Girls - do they like me, they're cute, their stupid, etc but it all boils down to "I want a girlfriend but I don't want one"
Dating - I hit this one in August.
Driving and learning how to drive - next summer in my house.
Jobs and school -
College expenses
All of those major issues are something that you and your new wife will have to sit and discuss long before you get to that point. You don't want the child just walking in one day and saying something and your not having a clue how to respond. Nor do you want to be expected to bite your lip if your wife thinks something is okay to do that you are totally against - like allowing a teenager to have his girlfriend spend the night in his room or getting a tongue pierced.
2006-06-14 15:32:13 · answer #3 · answered by neona807 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well based on little you need to talk to your future wife and find out were she stands and how she feels about discipline, attitude, punishments and who can do what, so when you enter the marriage you both know how to raise him together. P.s. never argue in front of the kid he will start to take sides and you don't want that. If you disagree or do not approve always do it in privet were he cant not hear you that is a must!
2006-06-14 15:25:25 · answer #4 · answered by klynnd1981 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will be facing a lot of issues.... punishment , is the biggest one........ how will you handle say if the child talks back and mom is not there ?? or if he breaks your fav. pic of your parents ? you need to sit down with mom, before the wedding and talk about situations that might arrise and what actions are appropriate in her eyes that you can take as far as punishment.... get it in a written contract form..... sorry, but I have seen to many marriages break up because one parent or the other got wishy washy about these issues....... they say it is ok to sit the child in the corner but if the step does then there is all **** to pay...... and so to avoid later problems agree on house rules and boundaries and the punishments that go with breaking each...... God bless
2006-06-14 15:40:49 · answer #5 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get used to the competition.Im married to a woman with a kid.I alllllllllllwwwwwwwwwaaaayyyyyyyyyyyssssssss come in second.I beat him one day though.hopefully hell discover girls when hes older. then ill have his mom to myself. seriously it takes a lot of time and patience.you know the kids not yours the mom knows and worst of all the kid knows. that will never change but the best thing for you to do is spend some time with the kid.its hard to be sincere about it but you may find yourself fallin in love with the kid like he was your own.i have.its takes time though dont rush it . in the meantime theres gonna be times you feel on the outside.be a man in those times.hang in there.
2006-06-14 15:26:56 · answer #6 · answered by juan m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The mane thing i can think of is if the 8 yr old dose not like you. If she dose you have no real problem but do try not to boss the little girl around to much remember your not her daddy and she will use that against you. i know my mom remarried when i was younger. you have to show the little girl that you can be fun to hang out with and that your not trying to replace her daddy just be there when he can be there for her. if you are in with the kid you are in with the mother.
2006-06-14 15:23:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well one thing is for sure you will bud heads but that's ok i been married for 8yrs and my husband has four and i love them to death. Yes is not easy but if you become thier friend and have good communication with him it will work out. Just be firm and friendly and remind your future wife that she needs to set the rules with you for the little one. Good Luck
2006-06-14 15:26:12 · answer #8 · answered by Hazel Eyes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So your fiancee has a boy, so what? Don't you want to be a nurturing step-dad and a good example for this child? I think that you already have.
I believe that you just have the wedding jitters. Relax, it will be wonderful, you are making her happy and her son too.
Good luck.
2006-06-14 15:23:18 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the bookstore and buy a book on step-parenting. It can be tough, and it's easy to make lots of mistakes that can destroy your relationship with both the step-daughter and her mother.
Read the book, avoid the mistakes, build a good relationship with the step-daughter.
2006-06-14 15:25:24 · answer #10 · answered by Dr. Doom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋