i want to be happy im tired of living a lie?

Question

its been over 2 1/2 years ago that my wife cheated on me with my bestfriend i said i could deal with it here i am 2 1/2 years later further in a hole 18 month old son a duaghter about to be born and a nice home vehicles,etc. and i dont feel nothing for my wife i mean i love her but im not in love... i feel in a world by myself and dont no what to do im scarred to talk about these to people because im only 26 years old and so many people look up to me because of what i have been able to occomplish. All i do is put a show on for people because im not happy. someone please help me out i need all the advice i can get

Answer 1

if you are not happy you should not be there, however if you really want to try it out then you should both go to counseling you need to talk in order for anything to work, you might want to try that first considering that you have one baby and another on the way, at least try for them

Answer 2

First let me say that if you are that unhappy, and you don't think it will change, then you need to do something about it now.

Your children are very young, and this is the best time. The more time goes on, and the older they get, the harder it will be for them to deal with mommy and daddy not being together anymore.

You have nice things and I assume you worked really hard for them, and you say people look up to you for all you have accomplished in such a short time... but people will look up to you for having the strength to make a difficult decision and see it through and do what is best for you and your children and in time even your wife.

What good are you going to be to your wife and kids if you are so unhappy? You can't be there for them fully as a husband and father if you are not there for yourself.

Divorce is a horrible thing, but when it is done for the right reasons and for the mental health and welfare of those involved then it is something to be respected.

It takes more strength to admit to a mistake then to stay in a closet and hide from it.

Good luck
Tawny

Answer 3

You are young and you are jealous because all people your own age are out partying wild and you are going to prenatal classes in between changing diapers.

Life is hard, marriage is a lot of work and having kids change your life forever.
Women have to give birth and get fat and neglect themselves for the sake of the babies and you are complaining about living a lie? Buddy, see who is making the sacrifices here, The one about to pop for the second time and rubbing stretch marks with cocoa butter, or YOU that is whinning because you are tired of the smell of vomit on your tie. Get over it!

Confused? Get real and go to a marriage conselor. Cheating, deceiving and emotionally abandon the mother of your children to satisfy your alpha-male needs is not fair. You are being selfish and making excuses. You have to realize that you have a new life and that you are not a bachelor, your wife, your baby and your newborn need you, so stop fantasizing about your life as it could have been and learn to love and RESPECT the life that you have with the blessings of a good job, a beautiful house, a wife and two precious children. Grass is always greener on the other side, but is just an ilussion. Everybody wants what they can't have.

If you cannot get pass the cheating seek marital counseling, but it seems to me that you are just bring excuses to justify your need of seeking new thrills.


Good luck to you.

Answer 4

you need to find love in your marriage again it starts with being friends. Let her know your unhappy and your still having a hard time letting go of her indiscretions. But let her know up front you want to try and fix things not end them you have 2 kids if there is a way to make it work you should. What do you love about her? Think hard about things you, your wife your children. What made you and your wife connect its time to start from the beginning there's nothing wrong with that if she loves you then she wont mind helping you through this, it might be good to get a fresh start, for every ones sake

Answer 5

I know exactly what you mean. My husband and i are in the same boat just different setting (won't go into the whole story, this isn't about me) but the best thing to do is to be honest with her. What you meant to say was, "I don't feel the love any more". I don't believe that people fall in and out of love. That's a cliche. But what I do believe is that people stop working towards love. I can't say that I blame you, its hard to rebuild the trust in a relationship, much less the relationship itself, when something that catastrophic has happened. But you made a decision to stay with her. You should tell her how you feel, you both may need some kind of counseling. I don't mean to be condescending. I know alot of people think shrinks are for crazy people but if you are willing to work at this, you'll do what it takes. And if that's what it takes, then? The answer's up to you. The main thing to remember in this situation, as with any, is to always be open and honest with your mate. Let her know what your thinking and how you feel. But do it in a compassionate way so that she doesn't take as though you are being degrading in any way. Best of luck to you both. :)

Answer 6

There is no easy answer to your problem. The hurt is still there from the betrayal. Do you think you can rekindle the love? Do you really want to? If you don't want to or have no desire to, then I would leave. It's not fair to you, and not fair to her. A divorce doesn't have to be ugly, it can be that you just grown apart. But please be there for your children! Share your feelings with your wife if you want this marriage to work. Right now with a baby on the way and a little one at home, you are under allot of stress, and you shouldn't make any rash decisions --think things out--If you want to work it out, counseling, dating, spending alone time together, and please please talk to her. Your wife maybe going through something herself with the quilt of cheating on you, and is not handling it well. But don;t stay together because of the kids or some Nobel cause; it's not healthy for anyone.

Answer 7

I would look to counselling, you mentioned that you love your wife you just not "in love" with your wife. So leaving may not be the ideal situation for you. There may be some other underlying issues that you need to address.

It seems that you put a lot of pressure on yourself and maybe you need to look at some changes.

Just be sure you know yourself before you make any drastic changes, since the choices you make will also effect your son and daughter.

Answer 8

you say you're not 'in love' but the fact that you still 'love' your wife is a good sign after she cheated on you with special circumstances. I mean your best friend! That was so wrong. You seem like you are willing to work it out but can't get past the betrayal. I'm in the same spot right now 1 year after my spouses last "fling". It seems like your marriage needs some counceling just to bring back that "lovin' feeling" and to help you come to terms with the pros and cons of staying in your marriage after the affair. Good luck.

Answer 9

Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who you are not "in love" with? Don't say its for the kids because raising your children in a home without love will damage them more than a divorce.

It's near impossible to make a relationship work after there's an infidelity as serious as the one that occurred in your relationship. You can still be friends, but you can't force a broken relationship to work again after the trust is gone.

Answer 10

you need to move on.. if you need counseling chances are it aint meant to be.. its not "natural" ..

it must be hard knowing she cheated, i know it would eat me up inside its like every time you see her your going to be thinking about what she did and remembering it.. ITS not as easy as people think.. your still young, get in shape go to the gym raise your self confidence.. time heals everything, trust me talk it out withher tell her you love her but your tired of the lie... make sure that you take the time to go through the legal process see whatyou can do about the house the kids, and all that other stuff..

if you end up staying it wont be good for your children because you dont really want to be there, trust me kids can pick this up...
Cheaters never change

Answer 11

The first thing that you have to do is be true to yourself. You can not be happy unless you learn to love and respect yourself. If the marriage is over and can't be repaired then do you both a favor and try to end it mutually and respect one another for the kids sake. Good Luck