Is it wrong to want to have sex with other people when your married?

Question

I feel like I am in this slump w/ my wife sexually. She cheated on me about a year ago with this guy, and now she is all frigid to me because she is ashamed of her body and what she has done. Is it wrong of me for wanting to have sex with her, I have forgive her but she won't let it go? I feel like it will led to me cheating on her, but all I really want is the sex not someone else? What can I say to her to make it better?

It has been 6 months!

Answer 1

well if she cheated on u then she will probably never have that sex with u again even though u forgave her. u will probably have to find it from someone else to be able to satify ur craving.

Answer 2

What SHE did was wrong and the fact that she doesn't want sex now may mean she is still cheating. For whatever reason she seems to still want to stay married but one day she may surprise you and say she's gone.

With all due respect to the other answers, counseling is a waste of time and money. Maybe some have had success but counseling is usually suggested by people that have never tried it. The reason you ask the question here is to get advice and I don't think our advice should be "ask someone else (e.g. a counselor").

That said, I would not advise you to cheat back. It only lowers you to her level and opens you up to a world of hurt. If you know someone you're interested in for sex now may be a good time to end the marriage and then you can perhaps find someone that won't cheat then subsequently you deny you sex! Talk about kicking someone when they're down.

Answer 3

For one thing she is feeling guilty for what she has done and is probably thinking that if she has sex with you....(her husband) that she might discust you in some ways cause you know about the affair she had...ask yourself this.....Do you really love your wife? is what she did still in your mind so bad that it will come between your sex affair with her? did you reall forgive her? if you answer all these questions true and you do love your wife then sit down and talk with her, tell her how that made you feel when she did that and really tell her you forgive her....everyone makes mistakes and you have to learn from them but if you sit down and talk with her then i believe you both will get through this, just remember that there really is nothing wrong here, its just that she feels guilty for what she did to you.

Answer 4

Go to counseling for this kind of thing cause there is a reason she cheated on you and she knows its not resolved if she cant get past her own actions yes its bad to want sex from someone else

Answer 5

You need to talk to her about how you feel and let her know you love her and have truly forgiven her. You both need to be honest with eachother. If she is having trouble forgiving herself try getting into counseling - either just for her or couples counseling for the both of you.
Just be patient and be supportive - don't cheat on her, it will only make things worse. What she needs right now is to know you are there for her and you love her.

Answer 6

Tell her how you feel and explain to her th theory of forgive and forget. You have to put the past in the past and move on for the future and just be honest. Let her know you are being honest because you dont want to be with someone else and you want to make things right with her.

Answer 7

You need marriage counseling. Don't sleep with anyone else, I don't care how long its been since you had sex with your wife. There is more to this problem and unless you talk to a professional, things are not going to get better. Good luck

Answer 8

just call her and talk to her, let her know you have forgiven her. and tell her just want you have said here, does she want you to have sex with someone else , or has she contact a disease that she is scare of telling you and she want to prevent you from get it. please try to question her, in a gently way that will not hurt her. and i will like you both to see the doctor for check up so you will be sure that she has not contact any disease. and for you if you say you want to get someone else outside. One in the word of God is wrong and the disadvantage is more, do you know what that woman has in her body is not written on the faces, mostly now there are different sexually transmitted disease out there. please just go to God in prayer also, for help and try to see ur doctor.

Answer 9

okay, as i say, you are married not dead. of course you are aroused by other people, its only natural. The problem it seems to me is that your wife is ashamed not only of her body but also because she cheated. You will just have to give her time and hopefully work through it or maybe move on. I know it sounds cruel but you only get one chance at life, its not a rehearsal. take care.

Answer 10

First.., Cheating is never the solution!

Tell your wife in no uncertain terms that you love her and you desire her and you want to be with her and that she is the only one you want.... but.... gently explain that you are a man with needs and you want HER to meet them not anyone else, but if she won't then you can't promise you won't look elsewhere.

Then see what she says... she may need counseling to get through her guilt and her negative self image... how patient can you be?

Tawny

Answer 11

Your actions speak louder than words. You may have forgiven her but your actions may show doubt. When you two have clearly put the past in the past, the sex will come back naturally. But as long as there is any doubt, it won't happen. Go see a counselor if doesn't get better.