I'm hopelessly in love with a mormon and I need some advice on how to work things out. Please give me hope!

Question

He's a mormon, I'm not. He's the best man a woman could ever hope for but with him being mormon there are several issues we disagree on. Is there anyway we could happily be married?

Answer 1

I'm LDS- aka mormon- and let me say first of all, that I am in no way a servent for my husband!! In fact, I'm more in charge then he is. I do things that I like and things that I want to do. He has never once told me that he is the man and I'm the woman and I'll obey his every word. We are partners, which is what every relationship should be. We are part of a whole, we both make decisions, but the important thing is to talk about them first.

Also, there is no way he would have more then one wife. I'm enough for him to handle ;) If he ever said that he wanted to marry someone else, I would tell him that he could do it, but it would be without me in the picture.

We strongly believe in family and family values. The number of kids isn't important, it's the quality of the life you give them. We don't have to have a big family to be happy. There isn't anywhere that states that a mormon has to have a ton of kids for salvation. It is a personal decision between you and your husband.

Most LDS men are very commited to making relationships work, inside or outside our faith. They believe strongly that marriage isn't something to take lightly. They are usually very commited to family and to children. Although you will find some in every faith that don't live up to what is taught.

The best thing for you to do is to sit down and talk to him. Maybe write down some questions that you need answers to. Maybe he could do the same, and that way you can cover everything you want. I would ask what he thinks about kids- make sure you are on the same page before you get married. It's hard to settle these issues after you are married without huge arguements.

Ask him what he wants in a marriage and what kind of marriage he wants. Ask him about Temple marriage and if he thinks that he will convert you to take to the temple. If you aren't interested in the church, tell him before things get too far.

Different faith marriages can work. My aunt and uncle are some examples. My aunt is Mormon, my uncle athiest. About as far away from each other as you can get. They have been married for 30+ years. So it can work. You just have to make an effort to respect each other and your beliefs.

Answer 2

There are quite a few people here who have some misconceptions about mormons!
1) Don't listen when they saw you have to accept him having more than one wife. We don't practice that anymore. We haven't since the the late 1800s. People who say they are mormon and practice polygamy are going against church doctrine. You will not be required to share him with other women.
2) Women are NOT treated as servants, men in the LDS (aka Mormon) church who do treat their wives like that are behaving badly. It says specifically in "The Proclamation on the Family" that men and woman are EQUAL partners. That is the doctrine, not everyone follows it perfect. That's how religions are.
3) You will NOT be required to have a dozen children. The number of children you have is between you and your husband. We believe you should make that decision with serious consideration, but if you only want two children, or one child, you're not going to hell for it.
Like many others have said, you should sit down with this guy and have a serious talk about the issues that you will disagree on. If they are serious issues (like how many kids you want, in what religion you want them to be raised and other things) it might be too much. The important thing is that you will always WORK together to make your marriage work.

Answer 3

I agree with destineypyle. I am a Mormon male and have to say you can be very happy married to a Mormon. But there are some things you need to consider.

1-Does he want a Temple marriage (for time and all eternity)? If yes, he might not be willing to marry a non Mormon.
2-If he is okay with a non temple marriage, does he want the kids to be raised Mormon? If yes. Are you okay with this?
3-Mormons are very nice, but you will have many try to convert you, just remember to be nice and understand they think they are trying to help. They don't think any less of you.

It is a major decision. Both my wife and I are Mormon and we still have a strained relationship. So if you are thinking of marrying, make sure every other aspect of your relationship is good, this will just be one thing you don't agree on.

Also, Mormons are not a cult. So go ahead and learn more about it and see what it is that he believes. It will show your trust, but make sure he understands, you are doing it not to be converted but to understand him better.

Finally, Mormon males do not make there wives servents. Do we believe in having children and a supportive family structure. Yes. But, in my marriage my wife is the dominating one and that is just her personality.

Good luck.

Answer 4

First, you will have to learn to agree with every thing he says, since in Mormonism women don't get a vote in disagreements. If you can learn to be subservient, have as many kids as possible, and spend all your spare time involved with the local Mormon church then you might have a successful marriage. Did he mention the yearly pilgrimages to the Holy Land, aka as Salt Lake City? Also you have to act like you actually believe that Jesus used to hang with the Indians in early America.
Mormons are like an other religious sect. Some are real nice people and some act like anyone else who isn't a Mormon doesn't count.

Answer 5

Wow, there certainly are some strong answers regarding mormons here. I would say that the question you pose could relate to any couple who come from different philosophies and/or religious backgrounds. For instance, I am sure that the above question regarding a christian and a muslim would elicite some similar answers as you've seen here.

What's really important in any relationship is communication. It is the foundation that successful relationships are built on, whether they be marriages, friendships or dating. And communication is a universal necessity, that all people need, regardless of race, creed, religion or other factors. There are happy marriages across our nation that occur every day with people from different religious backgrounds, and the key factor in those is that they are able to communicate with each other and make compromising decisions.

The answer to your question is certainly yes, there are many ways that you could achieve a lifetime of happiness with the man that you love. Any marriage however, involves both work and compromise on the part of both partners. So, can the two of you reach a compromise through communication regarding the issues that the two of you disagree on? If so, you're heading in the right direction. If not, then the possibility of future arguments ending the same way is that much higher. I would recommend that you spend a great deal of time getting to know his beliefs and philosophies, and he should spend the same amount of time getting to know yours. You might find out that the two of you are not as compatible as you thought, or you might find out that your differences actually make a stronger bond or strengthen your individual weaknesses. After putting the effort into it, you'll most certainly come to a better conclusion, and hopefully, a great marriage.

Without a doubt, religious convictions are initially in a relationship the single biggest question that a couple must overcome. If the two of you can come to a mutual agreement on the subject, such as allowing each other the freedom to chose the religious beliefs of your choice, which religion, or hybrid of religions to raise your children in, and how to attend each other's religious functions without forcing them to directly participate, then you will have passed a very difficult "test" of the relationship and should have a rather positive outlook on the rest of your lives together.

Perhaps, as an alternative activity for the two of you, you could attend some theology courses. It is interesting, in the course of studying religions, that most of the religions in the world do actually cross philosophies. They boil down to a set of moral and ethical codes, and allow for the human pysche to derive belief and faith in something that transcends ourselves. Since a vast majority of people these days seem to lack any true beliefs in themselves, the beliefs that religions offer tends to create hope that there is goodness in the world. The difference between the religions, and their texts, tends to be ritualistic in nature, and not necessarily philosophical. After researching various religions, you may find that it is rather easy to accept another person's beliefs that they hold, without compromising your own beliefs. After all, belief really just boils down to hope.

Answer 6

Yes you can be happy,.....if you're willing to be very submissive and very quiet. The Mormon chruch is all about "old school" though, if you read Mormon, then you'llrealize the criteria for being a good Mormon. But then you'd be readin Mormon and you might agree with some of their thought train. I for one (after being a mormon) disagree with the mormom philosophy but thats just me.

Answer 7

OK I am LDS and have chosen to marry outside my religion, partly because I haven't been a member that long and have been dating longer but another because I strongly feel you can't help who you fall in love with , LDS guys are great they do for the most part treat their wives well and show them respect , although you will find a few jerks in every religion. A few issues any couple needs to address before marriage is discipline for the children, which church if any you will want them to attend , LDS strongly believe in a stay at home parent so you need to discuss wither it will be him or you or wither you will find jobs that compliment each other so your working schedule is such that one of you will be at home with the kids . I tried this and found it very straining just because I was one of 2 photo techs and when Trish was sick they had no other choice but to call me in which meant I had to find a babysitter last minute or Glenn had to call in sick . If you have a strong realationship of course you can make it work but if it's puppy love I would move on.

Answer 8

Alright, firstly ignore most of what people who are not Mormon think of the church. They have strange beliefs, most of which I do not agree with, but for the most part I have found them to be good honest decent people. My recommendation would be to have a good sit down chat before any talk of marriage, and work out what beliefs you have, and he has, and how you would structure your family. Do this before things get serious. If you both approach your relationship with an open and honest mentality, it can work.

Answer 9

Okay first of all you need to know what we belive in, just so you don't feel aloof if he starts talking about his religion we believe:
Hi,
It is Summer,
I am a Latter day Saint, JSYK.
I will tell you the basics of the Mormon religion...
1. We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.

2. We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression.

3. We believe that through the atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

4. We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.

5. We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.

6. We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.

7. We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.

8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.

9. We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.

10. We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.

11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

12. We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.

13. We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul--We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.


Also, Mormons can date out of their religion, but you should know that Mormons are not allowed to date until they are sixteen, or at least most of us aren't. However, some people think Mormons are not abloer to date out of our church, untrue. We are. Also, you should know us Mormons are VERY modest, so don't expect anything involving a bed until after you are married. There is a slight problem though with Mormons dating out side of our religion. Most Mormons want to be married in the temple, but YOU CAN NOT enter the temple unless you are a Mormon. Mormons take relationships seriously, so you don't have tyo worry about him cheqating o n you. Well good luck, and thanks for the two points! Hope you pick me as best answer!
---summer hamori---

Answer 10

I'm not Mormon but when i was younger there was this elder that would come to my house when he was on his mission. Him and his partner came almost everyday to sing and read the Bible. The best thing that I got from them visiting is that they are not judgmental. I think that you could work things out just fine.