Been together for more than 5yrs and sex hasn't changed its always the same nothing new and I have to be the one that always wants it. So basically I have stopped wanting it and now she thinks I am getting it elsewhere
2006-06-14 06:52:49 · 15 answers · asked by blanco 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have been in the same shoes as you... and the sad thing is that no couples really like to discuss their sex lives when it isnt at its best because it's a sensitive subject and no one wants to hurt anyone.... so usually these things never get discussed and just get worse.
I explained to my husband that by his lack of initiation, I felt like he had no desire for me, and that he was only doing it out of obligation or for not wanting me to find someone else.
Initiating sex is saying to your significant other "I want you, I desire you" and sometimes we want to feel that way back. Let your wife know that you need to feel that too....
It sounds to me like she never initiated... and this could be because of the way she was raised, or she has it in her head that the man has to make all the moves. Some women think that if she takes the lead, her man will feel like less of a man etc... so she could have good reasons for not doing it.
Gentle talking, and explain the whole "desire" thing that I explained and who knows... maybe you will unleash something you never expected... ;)
Good Luck
Tawny
2006-06-14 07:07:49 · answer #1 · answered by Tawny Amber 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing that if you've been married for over 20 years, that makes you both around 40, 45? If that's the case then a woman's sex drive can really decrease due to premenopause or possible other reasons. As with every relationship, the passion can fade after time. Maybe you need to try new methods of initiating it. Add some spice! If it's the same old rub, touch, kiss, feel routine she may be bored with it and it's time to throw some serious seduction into the mix! I'm talking candles, champagne and strawberries, and Barry White! Good luck!!!
2016-03-27 03:47:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Got a pack of cards?
Or monopoly, or scrabble, or anything that you can both play a game together?
Nothing naughty in this game but the idea behind is.
You're playing a betting game, and the loser of game has (agree on time scale, 1 day, two or more for planning) to think up something imaginitive for the other.
They can set a romantic evening or something naughty and saucy but the actual idea of this game is for who ever has to be the creative thinker *it stimulates*, gets them going by all the little things that tick over int he brain. How the other will like, what they will like etc.
The first game you need to create a romantic evening yourself to get the ball rolling if you know what I mean, just discussion. Talk it through with her and find something to spice things up and plan together, so much to do so many things to stop it going soar.
When one has to use their sexy imagination, it wakes other parts of the body up too, sounds like she needs a little reviving, and so do you
You can even change the games and play adult versions...all helps to keep the marriage hot.
Good luck!
2006-06-14 07:04:06 · answer #3 · answered by WW 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time a woman won't initiate sex because she is self conscious about herself...in case you haven't noticed the world is made up of super models now. You need to make her comfortable, and show her when you make love that she is the one that you want to be with. And sometimes your just gonna have to be the one who makes the moves. Maybe it is intriguing to her, maybe that's what her turn on is, you making all moves. It might make her feel like your in control and we all like sometimes.
2006-06-14 07:03:22 · answer #4 · answered by harborgirl2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a talk and tell her that your desire is for her to initiate sex more often. Also, keeping showered and giving nice thoughtful hugs kisses and gestures throughout the times where you can't be having sex at that moment will help. Good luck.
2006-06-14 06:56:54 · answer #5 · answered by Mariah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you sat down and talked to her about it? Sometimes women need to discuss verbally before going through physically. It sounds like she is insecure about something, perhaps the way she looks or her "performance". One of the most encouraging things you might do is start with a list of things you DO like about your wife and then add how you'd like to continue to explore your intimate life together. Who knows what might happen!
PS - Sometimes the stress of job, children, life affects a woman's libido.
2006-06-14 06:58:29 · answer #6 · answered by Molly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spice it up and make it more exciting for her in and out of bed ... Romance her... Try new posistions and ideas with her. Turn on the charm and do oral for her and ask her if she is comfortable with doing oral on you with lots of flavor. Have fun with it and be patient. Buy her some orgasm beads and some flowers too and maybe even a vibrator and or dildo. Buy a couples toy too!
2006-06-14 07:12:47 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to accept the fact that women are severely less sexual than men, so don't take her low libido to heart. Try being romantic with her. We love surprises, take her on a trip! But, most of all BE PATIENT! Good luck!
2006-06-14 06:57:46 · answer #8 · answered by anthrogirl26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be honest with her.. tell her the same old is boaring you- and lets go to the sex shop and purchase some goodys or somethin! try new things! its fun! but the first step is communication.
2006-06-14 07:05:41 · answer #9 · answered by pinksgirlfriend 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a drag. She sounds like a real peach. Good luck with that.
2006-06-14 06:55:26 · answer #10 · answered by sausagenpepperoni 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋