What would you do??

Question

My husband and I are seperated. He left me in early April...I was 9 months pg with out second son with our 2 year old son to take care of. He came back a few times and said he wanted to work it out but never really tried to work it out. Now I have people telling me that I should see a councelor so I can "get over" him and move on and stuff like that. People tell me I'm not "handling" it well and should see a professional to "deal" with my problems. Everything thinks I should be mad at him for leaving, but I love him too much to be mad at him. I just wasn't what he needed and he can't he faulted for following his heart. Everyone keeps telling me I should be pissed because he has a girlfriend, but I'm not. I'm hurt because I obviously wasn't enough for him and I wasn't what he needed I'm hurt that he left me to take care of two boys by myself. I'm hurt that he loves someone else and not me but I'm not mad at him. What would you do in my situation?Would you see a councelor? or no??

Answer 1

I do think that counseling would be good for you only because you have two children to think of and take care of. I have been in your shoes where my husband left me, too. It's stressful and I walked around for weeks and weeks like a zombie from the sheer emotional turmoil of it all. You can not be an effective mother while you are in an emotional state like that. I can hear the devestation in your post and I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Please consider counseling if for nothing more than to help you cope with the pain and the every day stresses that come with being a mom.

Answer 2

Yes, and I am.
It is not a magic pill, but at the very least it gives you someone to gripe to, so you don't alienate your friends and family, or they alienate you with all the you should, you shoulds until you tell them what they should do with the you shoulds.

You also find yourself being more honest overtime with a conselor, since they are a complete stranger and techincally it would be unethical for you to ever meet them in public, and it is illegal for them to disclose any info, so it becomes a safe place.

It is the process of actually opening up and being honest and then hearing yourself, and going no S__T, I said that! I believe that. It is a safe place to go through grief and describe it. That is the biggest insight, not someone saying you should be happy, you should be mad. Truth be told you should be just like your are, but you should understand why it is that way. Also a conselor may be able to look professionally at your situation and know if and when that you might need to seek additional help like an antidepressant. Which is much better than BSing yourself and feeling so worthless until you just don't care anymore and then the police and fire department bust down your door because someone thinks you might be suicidal.

Find a counselor that will help you help yourself, and talk with you, not one that talks to you. Interview your potential couselor and don't be afraid to tell them if it is not working.

Answer 3

Yes, I would see a counselor. Don't listen to that jerk before me. Self-esteem has nothing to do with your issue. Anyone would be hurt in your situation. I am sure it is very hard. Try to stay busy so you do not dwell on your relationship. You will probably look back one day and realize how much happier you are without him and laugh!!! I would say don't call him unless it is about the kids and DON"T talk about your relationship with him. Get a babysitter once a week or so and go out with some friends. Get a membership at a gym if you dont already have one-exercise is a big stress reliever, plus you can meet people there as well. You will feel better about life and yourself. Most gyms have facilties for children while you workout. Hope all works out and yes I would see a professional.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that your marriage is in trouble. I have had a few serious relationships fall apart in the past so I'd like to think I have a bit of experience on this subject. I know your hurting right now, but this too shall pass. You're probably not going to like this: but I also think you should move on from this relationship. Not because he hurt you, or left you, or because he's with another woman; but because you need to love yourself enough to not want someone in your life who so deeply disrespects you. We never find true happiness until we are brave enough to get rid of the toxic things in our life. Trust me - been there done that. Besides, what makes you think you are right about this guy and everyone else is wrong. Highly unlikely sister! And I would see a counselor - we're nice people!! Good luck!

Answer 5

Yes you should see a councilor because your love for him is blinding damage he has already caused and will cause if you do not let him go and move on without him...This is not a betrayal just to you but your child and unborn child....depending on how you handle this can determine how this is going to effect them later in life....will you settle for what affection he comes and goes with, all the while being a temporary dad, will you eventually lose it when you realize how much time you wasted waiting for his love to return and what you've put the kids through....it would be one thing if he is confused but it is another thing that he now has a gf...it take a real man and a good father to step up his responsibilities when his wife is with child, he has done just the opposite, stop accepting such behavior your kids deserve more even if you are willing to settle for less.

Answer 6

It always helps to talk to someone about problems like these. Go for it talk to a councelor, it can't hurt. I think it would help you out a lot. Good luck with you and your kids. The pain will only last a bit. Theres always a reason for everything, maybe this was for the best.

Answer 7

Yes, Go see a councilor, I was devastated when My ex-wife left me , I became depressed and that was not like me , I was always up-beat etc. I always felt counseling was for "Sissy's". however I did go to some counseling and found it very help full in dealing with my loss.
I say this because. it sounds like you are in a bad place and could use some help . a broken heart is a very lonely place to be. and talking about it with a professional who is neutral and wants nothing from you only to help you is a great way to begin the healing. Good luck!!!

Answer 8

You seek counseling if you feel you need it...

Everyone thinks you are handling it wrong because you are not upset... But that's okay... Being angry and having hatred in your heart will not get anyone anywhere... It will just make you miserable and cause problems between you and your ex... It is better for the both of you to get a long, for the children's sake....

I will say this though.. If he is not financially helping you out, then you need to tell him you want child support, or take him to court. Not out of spite, but because they are his children as well.. You didn't make them on your own... Please don't let him get a way from his responisbility entirely..... He needs to be there for those kids....

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!

Answer 9

Not a councilor - a psychiatrist. The man is obviously a pig leaving you in such a situation. I shall never understand women. There you are in a terrible situation, having to look after two young boys while he is out there gallivanting with his 'girl friend'. And you say you still love him. Stand back and stop taking the blame for his misgivings. You did nothing wrong. He is the bastard..............

Answer 10

Yes that could help having someone to talk to, but i suggest you talk to the local child support agency and get that sorry SOB to pay you some child support. You are better off without him, it may not seem like that now but trust me you do not need him, Before I met my husband I was raising two sons on my own for 10 years and did just fine. Good Luck to you!