I'm not a complete dormat or anything, but I have a problem with confrontation.
2006-06-14 05:58:51 · 22 answers · asked by sierramac11 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
Practice in the mirror what you're going to say to the waiter the next time he f*cks-up your order. Realize you don't have to be nasty, just firm.
"Excuse me." (He's turning away, ignoring you. Maybe he hasn't heard you?)
"EXCUSE ME!" (ahhhh, got his attention now with that slightly louder voice)
"I'm sorry, but this isn't what I ordered. I asked for the fish tacos." (good, you kept eye contact with him and you were direct. It wasn't your fault, he made the mistake, but you didn't make him feel like crap about it; you just want what you originally asked for)
----- or ------
(The scowling, big lady just cut in front of you at the Haagen-Dazs)
"Excuse me, miss. I was here first" (Uh oh, she's turning those pissed off eyes on YOU with a brusque "yeah?")
"Yes, sorry. I guess you just didn't see me. So, if you'll excuse me... I'll have a single scoop of cookies and cream in a cup. Thank you. (well, the big wench is huffy and mumbling things, but she'll get over it. At least you maintained eye contact with everyone you spoke with)
------ or ------
"I'm sorry, Bob, but I have a bunch of work on my own plate. You'll have to work on the design for this one, but you can borrow any of my notes you need. Just make sure they get back to my desk so I have them later. Thanks!"
(again, maintaining eye contact)
2006-06-14 06:12:16 · answer #1 · answered by jihad_against_muslims 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, I have/had the same problem. I was told I'm "Too" nice! I thought, how can you be too nice? Well, I can't say the problem was/is, I'm too nice, but people who are too nice are usually taken advantage of. You know, I've tried to stick up for myself too, but for some reason, it back fires on me. People see me as a nice person and when I act any other way, they know it's not the "normal" me and they seem to take offense to it when I try to stick up for myself. I wouldn't stop being nice, but I would stop doing things for people who take advantage of you because of it! I've dealt with this problem all my life (I'm 40 now) and I really haven't found a solution. What I can say is, don't stop being yourself because of other people. If I stopped being considerate and nice, I wouldn't like myself (but God does). The people who take advantage of nice people are the ones who will pay later. I'm not sure your question was answered but if want to confront someone, instead of saying "YOU" in any sentence you say, which is an automatic defense for the person you are talking to, just let them know how they made you feel. Try not to attack them, but more so, let them know how you are feeling about what they said or did. Good luck...I still struggle with the same thing after all these years. Just be yourself...there aren't enough "nice" people left in the world!
2006-06-14 13:14:37 · answer #2 · answered by chillpillak 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being nice does not equate to being weak. As a matter of fact, it's a sign of inner strength. You don't really have a problem with confrontation itself. It's the effect you're going to have on other's whom you decide (if and when you decide) to confront that's troubling you subconsciously.
You're worried about hurting other people. There's nothing wrong with that. So in a way, subconsciously, you think others are too weak to take your wrath.
2006-06-14 13:16:46 · answer #3 · answered by The Count of Monte Cristo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off... you can never be "too nice"..keep being as nice as you have been.
now, as far as sticking up for yourself, try to look at situations in a different light than you have been... when someone is asking you to do something, is it going to be a chore for you? is it something they can do themselves, but are asking for your help because its easier for THEM? some might call this a pessimistic view of things, but remember that other than yourself and your family, no one else out there owes you anything and will do things to you that make THEIR lives easier.
so next time someone asks you to do something, or be somewhere, or whatever it might be.. ask yourself a few questions:
is this going to be a chore for me?
when was the last time they helped me?
will this truly change their perception of me in the long run..
telling someone NO is not hard when you realize the full ramifications of the commitment. they might be dissapointed in you, but if they truly are your friends, then you will still be friends later..
misery loves comany.
2006-06-14 13:11:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Build more self confidence. Don't be afraid to defend yourself, and if somebody's bothering you with insults, ignore them and they go away. This infuriates them, and it also makes you appear less vulnerable. It's good to be nice, but never let others take advantage from you. I once knew this guy who was a real pain for three entire years; I wacked him in the head with my lunch box and he's settled down, once he has seen that I CAN fight back, and am not so gentle in that kind of situation. You gotta show em' who's boss!
2006-06-14 13:04:28 · answer #5 · answered by Snapple Monkey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're probably afraid of conflict and what will result if you do stick up for yourself (fight, harsh words, etc). Forget all that! Just let it out and don't hold back. What's the worse that could happen? In the future, people will know not to mess with you!
2006-06-14 13:45:47 · answer #6 · answered by Charles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to cultivate to be pleasantly firm. Never say "Yes" when you have to say "no". Many respect our feelings and we do not have to bother who do not respect our feelings. When you have to argue , the path is not to win over the person but to establish our view. I do not remember the name of president of USA whose father once quipped that he was very happy that his son is not a girl. when asked for the reasons he said " my son is so nice that he( or she ) will always be pregnant as he does not know how to say " NO " !!
2006-06-14 13:33:08 · answer #7 · answered by viji_sampath2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to learn to understand that your opinion and values matter. also realize that you are as important as anyone else and if you feel bad about something that is being done to you or something that is not being done for you, voice your opinion. talking about feelings and emotions always helps. you don't always have to be the one who compliments someone who does not give you the same respect. also, being with other people who are as considerate as you is also a great way to improve your peronsality and increase your demand for attention and respect.
2006-06-14 13:04:31 · answer #8 · answered by bumpincaddy95 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As do I, but the one thing to remember is that when you want something, you need to work to get it. If you have a motivation for getting something and you can keep that in mind while talking to others then that's all you need.
2006-06-14 13:04:38 · answer #9 · answered by Ghost 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time someone asks you to do something (whether you can or not) take a deep breath and say no. Once you do it once, it will get easier.
2006-06-14 13:04:21 · answer #10 · answered by Shqiptare 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋