Married but not interested in sex?

Question

I cant talk to my husband about sex :(
He thinks he is the bomb lover but isnt. I used to enjoy sex, lots of it, but now, nah..... I could go without but he cant. When we do have sex , even oral, I dread it & I watch the clock, counting down the minutes. I havent feel aroused by him in some time. Last time I felt aroused and interested in sex was with my best friend a month ago. We didnt have sex but her & I kissed and made up for lost time & I look forward to being with her again. Please dont say that I am gay and this is why. I love having sex with my girl but I love men (only a man now that I am married). I used to be a very sexual person in the past with other relationships with men (my girl is my only female I have been with). Dont know what to do. Not divorcing over this but need to work thru somehow.

*Part of the problem is that my step son has put a huge dent in our relationship; my husband is not able to put his foot down w/him; my hubby has a short temper and yells/swears for about anything. I almost feel like I no longer care but am married so ....I do love him just unsure if I am still "ln love" with him.

Answer 1

try telling your hus u need some time off ..maybe distance =will make the urge grow stronger

Answer 2

Okay, well there is definately something wrong when you can't talk about sex with the man you committed the rest of your life too. You said you used to enjoy sex but now you don't, could it possibly be that your husband isn't attractive to you anymore? That maybe you want to have more excitement and experience different things sexually, and being with him seems boring? About being with your friend, and being adamant on not being gay, I would say that you are in fact wanting a little spice to your sex life. It doesn't mean that your gay, it's just like I said, your bored. Also have you been married before? If not then you have just had "sex partners" not a "life partner" and sex partners change, while life partners are supposed to be for life. You will have to talk to your husband though, if he doesn't know then he can't help be more satisfying to you, and I'm sure he would want to satisfy you because you are his wife. If you really want to have fun ask him how he would feel trying new things, such as things with your friend. He might enjoy the idea, or he might hate it, but you can't go on "cheating" on your husband and having sex with him but hating every second. Don't divorce, just talk it out. If not you might continue having affairs and end up hurting him horribly in the end.

Answer 3

Is your husband open to having sexual counseling or marital counseling? If you have trouble communicating about it and you're both willing, counseling can help. If not, you might try different ways to communicate your needs to him. If one way doesn't work, try another. It's important not to pretend you're enjoying something that you're not. It will be painful to discuss but worth it in the end. Is it possible that there are other issues between you two that result in a poor sex life with your husband?

As far as your sexual relationship with your friend, do you consider that infidelity? How would you feel if your husband were involved with one of his friends? It is probably easy to avoid your sexual situation at home and have fun with someone else, but it is merely a diversion and won't solve your problem.

Answer 4

Sorry to "pick on you" dear, but why did you let him BE a lousy lover? You are the other half of everything that happens in the bedroom with you two, and if you don't like what happens, you are at least partly responsible.

Maybe you should put on a Domme suit and start cracking the whip here! Tell this guy what you want and how you want it! And don't start with that "I can't talk to ... " crap. I don't believe in "Can't". Maybe you won't or don't, but you CAN. Maybe you haven't figured out how yet, but you CAN. Now get to work whipping your man into shape!

And seriously. To help getting started talking, get some "couples books" and "couples movies" to enjoy together. It will be easier for the guy to learn by seeing videos of what to lick and how than to hear you saying "left .. right ... slower". E mail me and I will send you a link to a good provider of these books and films.

Enjoy the challenge!

Answer 5

It sounds like you both go through the same motions and do the same things every time, and your broing to each other, and your both probibly pretty bad at technique.

Try some new things, new positions. Get a book with pictures.
Try it in the shower or the hot tub.

If your still not getting anything out of it, then you are both bad at sex, and shouldnt be with anyone.

Answer 6

So just sit your man down and tell him that he is good to you ,but he needs to stop bragging about what he can do and put it into action.Also have you considered asking you friend and your husband about a three some.Sounds like you have tasted the other side and you like it.If you are not gay then who do you think about making it with?It does not sound like it is your husband.

Answer 7

It could be a simple libido problem. You might need to go have a blood test, at the gynecologist your levels may be off. Too much of testosterone and not enough estrogen. Or wether you want to admit it or not you just might be more attracted to your girlfriend then your willing to admit. It may not be a matter of being gay as you put it you may just be bi-sexual and like both.

Answer 8

What you're doing is cheating on your husband with your female friend. This is a very bad idea. Please get some marraige and personal counseling ASAP. Bad sex is definitely sub-optimal, but not as bad as cheating on your spouse! You can decide if you're gay or bi or whatever--the real issue is that you're feeling unsatisfied in your marraige so you're cheating on your spouse. Stop it.

Answer 9

my husband is just the opposite- he doesn't want sex and I do. he just turned 40, but he should still be wanting it..... maybe I could help your husband out!! LOL LOL!

Answer 10

why can't you talk to him about it? apparently you need to teach him a few things to get him up to speed. btw, you aren't alone. my ex was the same exact way. i was bored to tears.