Was my 3rd grade child unjustly suspended for 3 days?

Question

After 2 years of not getting along with one of her classmates, my child "pants" her at lunch recess because the other child made yet another ethnically derogatory statement about her. This was the first time my child "fought back". I was not immediately notified, but instead they conducted an investigation and called me the next day telling me she was being suspend for three days becasue the principle decided that her presence was a danger to others. Why wasn't she removed immediately the day of the incident then?Nothing was done about the child who made the statements, not even an apology to my child. Is there anything I can or should do? This will follow her in her school records.

Answer 1

Hey if ethnicity is involved, Damn right they should punish the other child!!!

Not that your child should not also be punished, but in this day and age racial and ethnic slurs aren't tolerated in school.

Bring this up to the School Board and see what happens if you bring a lawyer!


I hate this approach but your child shouldn't have to put up w/ that crap!

Answer 2

First, I wouldn't be too worried about her permanent record. Unless you're looking at an exclusive secondary school, not much of this will matter after a couple of years. I work in a school and I understand how these things go. It's really hard when children, who by nature have immature coping mechanisms, are faced with harassment from their peers. There are no easy answers but schools are becoming increasingly aware of the issues surrounding teasing. In my opinion, both students should have been reprimanded, but as it likely occurred when no one was able to hear it, it's hard to respond to what would be considered hearsay. I think the school reacted strongly to your daughter's choices because they are both hurtful and humiliating. "Pantsing" can also be considered sexual harassment, so things could be even worse.

It seems to me that you have two concerns: your child was the only one punished (that you know of), and this might affect your child's future. As a parent, advocating for your child is your job. If you don't do it, who will? Go to the principal and ask that the suspension be removed from your child's record, or at the least, that they punish the other child. If the principal doesn't help you, go above her to the superintendent's office.

In the meantime, talk to your daughter about the choice she made and help her to discover more positive solutions for dealing with harassment, solutions that hopefully involve words over actions. There are always mean people out there -- you and I face this in the workplace. You don't have to let what people say hurt you. They are expressing their own weakness and lacks of security when the pick on others.

To brighter times,
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Answer 3

If you do decide to fight the suspension, please go through the school's due process steps. You probably received a copy at the beginning of the year, and if not, you can request it from the school. (if you don't wish to talk to them, then the district office.) There was an incident where a child was suspended pending expulsion and the parents jumped immediately to a lawyer and suing--the judge threw it out because they had not gone through the stated due process steps. I don't know if they had a valid case or not--but by jumping directly to a lawsuit they hurt their chances of being heard.

As for permanent record, what continues with your child is immunisation record, grades and test scores. (and legal documents, such as custody papers). I just 'purged files' for a middle school for students rising to 9th and we removed all referrals! When the child moves to the next level, the child gets a clean slate--and most teachers do NOT read the discipline records of their students from the previous year--they want to get to know the child without prejudice.

Encourage your child to tell EVERY single time an ethnic slur is made. Encourage her to hang near the supervisor at recess (within earshot) so that the teacher can hear/see what is going on without being so close she prevents it. Bullies DO get caught, but it takes a long time, as teachers tend to see just playing instead of harassment.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You MUST go to bat for your child. A lot of times teachers and school administration just don't see the whole picture. They take things at face value and make judgements based on that. Kids that age usually don't stand up for themselves with adults, because they don't know how. Most adults, and especially teachers and principals, intimidate them to the point they just can't find the right words. So they hang their little heads and take whatever punishment is given them without much question.

That's where YOU as a parent come in. Contact the school principal and respectfully register an official complaint/contradiction to the decision. If you don't get any satisfaction from that dicussion, go to the school district administration on it. You might not be able to change the outcome, but your opinion will be noted.

As for her record, that doesn't really matter one iota. They use that threat, hoping people will take them seriously. "Oh Dear, she really messed up, this will be in her PERMANENT record". Like it's suppose to scare you or something. Don't let it. Nothing from my maniac son's permanent record has ever come hack to haunt him yet. He's now 25 and in the military.

Many ISD's these days seem to be trying to take the leading role in child raising, and it's really the parent's responsibility. For that reason you will have to keep a constant watch on their every move until your kid actually graduates. If & when you see something unfair, don't hesitate to let someone know. Not only are you the Parent, you are a Taxpayer and actually pay their salaries. They hate hearing that one.

Answer 5

Our school system has a No Bullying policy. The child that made the rude comments to your child should have been pulled aside immediately and reprimanded. It should have never got that far where your child felt that threatened that she had to fight back. I would march right down there and demand the at least the other child be suspended too. What is that telling that child... that she can say anything to anyone and not be punished...

Answer 6

If you disagree with it, request a meeting with the principal and if that doesn't work, take it to the school board.
Don't look into the school records crap. That has been a threat for years and it really doesn't happen. The only records the schools actively get from other schools is the curicullum the child has participated in to make sure they are on the correct level. If they held actions against students, then there would be a lot of trouble students who would not be able to enter in new schools.

Answer 7

If it is true that your child pulled down the pants of another child, then it is a just punishment. Try to teach your child other, acceptable ways to "fight back" such as tell an adult about the harassment (document each time she does it, that way you will have proof she is being picked on) or walk away.
PS It will indeed be in her school records.

Answer 8

Even third-grade children need to be held responsible for their "actions". "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will not hurt me any!" Your daughter's behavior was unacceptable. The child that verbally tauted her was, of course, wrong also, but her behavior was not such that it could physically harm another child. Your daughter should have told you about the incident the day it happened. You and your daughter should have an "open" relationship where she can talk to you about anything and everything. Fighting back is not the answer to solving any problem. Forget the incident and concentrate on building trust and honesty between you and your daughter, and teach her skills that she needs to handle situations without physical confrontation.

Answer 9

i don't understand in case you should be suspended, yet i visit allow you to understand that it is not wise to waste a at the same time as once you're in college. in the previous you understand it, you'd be operating for a residing and also you may't spend a at the same time as staring on the clock and ignoring your manager - you would get fired for that (a lot worse that a three-day suspension) in case you're bored, pay interest and make your instructors paintings for the money they earn, ask a lot of questions, study as a lot as you may - cause them to quite earn what they receives a fee - be curious, have an interest, be enthusiastic! by ability of how, heritage will be amazingly exciting - in case you don't like what you're being taught, communicate with the instructor and spot if there are strategies that the issue can develop into better exciting - as an celebration, in case you're studying about the middle a at the same time as, you're better fascinated in the fashions of the day, or in case you're studying about international conflict a million, then discussing the morals and values of that element period would charm to the classification better than what they are at the moment studying. To redeem your self in the eyes of your instructor, ask her in case you may do some thing for better credit - take the time to seem at what the classification is studying and spot if there is a few twist to it that you would locate exciting. reliable success!

Answer 10

I would call the other child's parents and let them know what their kid is doing/saying. Maybe even go to a PTO meeting and bring it up. I also think that maybe the school counselor should be brought in to talk to both kids. My son had problems with a "bully" and it didn't stop til we called the mother. Our school stepped up and helped us out, by keeping them away from each other and even had them moved on the bus. Sorry to hear that your child got suspended.