weve been on and off for almost a yr and we decided to put it to final breakup as of february. its been difficult for us to move on and divert attention to other things, although we know we have to get busy so that to forget the pain in breaking up. although we decided to be friends and keep up the communication and meet up some time (not as often as before), for the sake of taking a step by step proces of moving on. for the past few months, i've been adapting to move on and explore environment as a free soul, but it seems that he still checks on me and gets on my sleeves by asking me things about the new people i meet, esp guys and eventually gets bothered/irritated for some reason. he even makes me feel that i still have to tell him "everything" to him.. like, whoever calls me, am i dating someone, etc.. i feel that these things should be over cause he has no right anymore to ask those things from me and he even tells me that i should limit my actions towards guys. if i do not comply,it makes me feel guilty that like, im betraying him because i'm hiding something from him. all i wanna have is the privacy and acceptance that he should'nt be bothering to ask or limit me those things. how can i explain it to him?
2006-06-14 05:13:51 · 12 answers · asked by Ayame20 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hi. Breakups can be so painful, can't they? I've learned that we can't ever change another. We can only make our own changes to ourselves. We can suggest, or recommend ways to improve(never ever nag, bully or boss someone to change). However in that, remember that a person can take all, some or none of our suggestions.
U have every right to ur privacy. U r not some object to be owned. It seems, from ur above note, that he's trying to control u. This is a type of abuse. Please be careful. U don't owe any information about ur private life. Besides, u said u broke up. He shouldn't be bothering u. ...especially when u weren't obnoxious and rude 2 him. Tell him that even though u've been on and off in ur relationship, this time it's a permanent off. If u 2 can't b friends, then a difficult permanent disassociation will have to take place b/c your space is being dishonored. Girl, go handle ur business. (I hope this helps.) Take care; b safe.
2006-06-14 05:31:19 · answer #1 · answered by karaokecatlady 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You don't need to explain sometimes we woman have a tendency to want to explain things, men understand action. Just do it and be consistent. If you find yourself faltering get out of the house. Check out your surroundings do things that you have always wanted to do but maybe haven't had the chance to do.
I know been there done that. Most of my friends are males and this is what they have told me. Stop lingering and start becoming more unavailable it doesn't matter what you do they don't have to know it is none of their concern. Get into yourself, do charity or volunteer work for someone else if you feel the need just get out more. Be unavailable for question and answer sessions from him.
How about joining a club, taking a community class, something that you can go to 2-3 times a week on a daily basis if you have the time. This will enrich your inner self. If he calls tell him you are busy and will call him back. You really have to make a firm effort. It is hard to let go but it can be done. How on earth will you ever receive someone positive for you if dabbling in those that make you feel guilty and bombard you with personal questions to up your energy force? Think of this what was your life like before you met him?
2006-06-14 05:28:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him what you wrote here its pretty explicit!!! And if that doesn't work than you need to cut communication down a bit and as for meeting that also... get with other friends and tell him that you have a life of your own now and you prefer the same for him!! That you don't have time to spend it with him that much and you can call him once in a while!! Be honest it may hurt him a bit but its better that way at least he will get of your back!
2006-06-14 05:23:14 · answer #3 · answered by Pari 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately I don't think any amount of explanation will get through to him, because he's conducting himself according to emotion only. I think you should just tell him that you two need to temporarily make a clean break, and not talk for two weeks (at least!). After a little time apart, it should be EASIER to have a friendship. In the long run he'll thank you, even if he hates you for suggesting it at first.
2006-06-14 05:58:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to break off all communbication with him.....can't you figure this out? Your own answer is in that novel you wrote for a question. Now get some balls and tell this guy you are truly done with him...in order to move on you actually have to move on!!
2006-06-14 05:20:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because of your on and off status, this time....if it is really over, you need to create space between the two of you. In order to get over this and have him move on.....you have to let go of him totally........for now. When a good bit of time has passed, you can revisit and see if there is something (friendship) worth saving. As long as you talk, he'll be hanging on.
2006-06-14 05:19:29 · answer #6 · answered by Wild seed 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you re not guilty of doing anything but trying to make yourself happy. what you need to do is tell him to back off and either you need to move or he does because that's the only way i have ever gotten rid of someone like that.
2006-06-14 05:17:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just stop communicating with him. Dragging on is not good for both of you.
2006-06-14 05:16:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u tell me when you figure that one out! i tried finally going to the cops yesterday, and its worked so far, we'll see.
2006-06-14 05:30:38 · answer #9 · answered by Kasey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apply for a PFA.
2006-06-14 05:16:27 · answer #10 · answered by joe c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋