Why is it that people who don't have kids know exactly how to raise yours?

Question

I also get 'advice' from unmarried women on my marriage, or women who've been divorced a couple times. What makes them think they can even begin to advise?

Indeed, I needed to add details. My children are actually quiet well behaved and are each honor students. They have a lot priveleges and trust from me. I was told this could ignite drug abuse....I mean come on...

Answer 1

These people probably read every book and now consider themselves knowledgable in the field. I beleive in hands on training! I have 5 kids and a wonderful husband(been married for 21 years this July). Don't listen to them. Ask them this same question. See how they answer.

Answer 2

Sometimes it is "forest for the trees" - the thing you might want to consider is that being unmarried does not make one unqualified to raise children and being married does not make one qualified. And divorce - divorce doesn't bear squat on being a good parent. Giving birth is merely a biological function - being a parent is something different altogether. Some parents are so USED to their children's behavior (and often so tired) that they no longer "get" how it affects others. (You know you live in your house just fine until you suddenly are going to get company and suddenly you see it through "their" eyes and you go nuts ? Oh, come on - we all have this happen to us.) Some parents don't experience their children as the world around them experience them, and sometimes it doesn't hurt to take a step back and take a look at them with different eyes. When you get advice - even unsolicited (and I am guessing you never solicit advice) - you could take it as a chance to do just that.

I know, for example, that waaaay back when - I was in law school and started teaching a gradeschool Sunday School class. I was unmarried and all the teachers were married with lots of kids and they all came to me to suggest ways I could handle this class which was reputed to be the terror of Sunday School. They felt, because I was never-married and childless, that I was out of my league. Well, I was the child of a single parent school teacher and, through that, I had A LOT of common sense experience in handling and rasing children. I also had taught classes and classes of children to swim and to ride horses. So I wasn't clueless. Within a couple of weeks my Sunday School class was THE BEST behaved class in School and I was being asked how I worked the miracle. So you see, we are not completely unable to have an idea even if we are not a parent ourselves.

I bet your question just comes from being ticked and you feel like people should just keep their mouths shut - you will raise your kids the way you see fit. And, indeed, you will. But you are raising children to become adults and to be part of the world around them - and that means interfacing with adults and other children alike. It really does "take a village" to raise a complete person - in our society, we do it through home, school, the playground, activities, and sometimes church. Maybe instead of resenting the advice you get, you could just consider it and use what you like and ignore what you don't. I sorta doubt these people are saying you are a bad mother - just offering a point of view. Let it be just that - a point of view. Maybe it has merit; maybe not. Maybe what is suggested is worth a try - maybe not. Never hurts to listen.

Answer 3

Because people without kids see what they dont like in kids and try to make you aware of it. You are immune to their bad behavior because you are around it all day and have learned to accept it. That doesnt make it acceptable to the rest of society, and you need to be told that this is not acceptable.
I, who has no children, should not have to put up with your bad behaiving kids.

Women or Men that have been divorced can still pull from their peronal experiences and know what works and what doesnt.
Be more open minded and appreciate that there are other people that have already been in a similar experience than you are in.
Do not begin to assume that your situation is unique.
Be open minded and be willing to listen to people that have more experience than you.

Answer 4

Most people who don't have kids have no business in raising yours and neither do ones that have kids. Everyone has different parenting skills. Ask yourself, are your kids happy, healthy and have no serious behaviour problems. If you answered yes to these then you are doing a fine job. If you answered no, then it is time to look into what the problems are and fix them. As for marriage advice...I would sooner seek advice from a divorcee than a single person as most divorcee's have lived it, experienced it and have learned from their mistakes. First marriages are on the downfall....second marriages seem to last. Ask yourself why this is?

Answer 5

I agree that if people don't have kids shouldn't tell others how to raise theirs. Raising a child in theory is very different in reality. Now, as to advice from unmarried women about marriage, same deal. Reality changes your perception as you experience it. Women or men who have been divorced sometimes can give pretty good advice on marriage because going through what they did may have given them good perspective on what mistakes that were made. And although, it may be a little too late to save their relationship they may have something to offer to others to save theirs. It's all about experience.

Answer 6

There is no harm done if some one gives you an advice especially for free cuz nothing comes for free in today's world. As for a divorced woman giving you an advice she been there done that she knows how it goes do think of what they say before to turn around and tell them who are they to give you advice.... if someone is giving advice that means they care for you, they don't want you to fall in the same pit that they might have fallen into only if these are good advice. I am only talking of good advice here not BAD!!!
Sometimes its easier to see things from a far distance than see it if you were in the situation. The single woman looks at things in a bit different they do try to put them-self in your shoes to see what they would have don't if they got in that situation... there is nothing wrong you know!!
If you like what you hear apply it and if you don't, keep in mind god gave us 2 ears in one and out the other!!!

Answer 7

let me tell you something all people that go to jail ain't bad people they just made some bad choices in their life at an younger age,
me for one i did 9 years up north and I'm only 28, i don't have a on the books job but i am not a sponge,i do what i can and i do bring in some money, clean the house wash clothes go shopping and a lot more my girl does do things like shopping go get her nails done but my point is don't never judge a book by its cover because if you knew me you and your friends would want to be around me each and every day.

Answer 8

Ive never been married and have no children and feel I have useful advise. You dont have to be in it to see better ways of doing things. The divorce rate is like 50% and there are tons of dysfunctional families. Did getting married and having children make them better at it ?? I think not.

Answer 9

Well I have raised 1 child. It seems to me I remember people giving me advise about raising my child who did not have children.

I say raising a child is a learning and a beautiful experience!

It is a self refection of yourself at first.

There is that saying; Advice is like As&(^(holes everyone has one. Do what comes natuarly to you and never give up on learning! Self learning is a wonderful education!

Answer 10

I know it may seem that people without children have no right to give you advice, but sometimes it helps to be on the outside looking in on a situation to gain some perspective.