I have been married for 10 years to my musician husband. It is my 2nd marriage. I have 2 daughters,17 & 21. He suffers from anxiety & depression and is verbally abusive if he does not get his way. He has to control everything down to how much TP I use. He has practically quit working to continue his music career and seems to feel entitled to my supporting him. He says I agreed to this. No I said make your cd, I did not realize how long because it is now 8 yrs. later. He screams and belittles then wonders why I cannot talk to him. He even did this driving back from another state on the phone. There is life insurance on me and not him. He refuses therapy because he does not think he has a problem. I am starting to have health problems. What now?
2006-06-14 05:06:58 · 14 answers · asked by waitingtoexhale 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
be a little quiet and ignore him he will try to solve this problem
2006-06-14 06:47:08 · answer #1 · answered by suraj06k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well First If I were you I would think about why You seem to have no self esteem. Answer= you allow him to belittle you and be verbally abusive. Your life is a mess because you accept this behavior from him and allow it to continue, The example you set for your children is what they will think is acceptable for them and will in turn accept this very same behavior from the people in their lives. You have to think to yourself is this okay with you??? Would it be okay with you if someone treated them this way?? I would hope not. So now what to do, well getting counceling for yourself would be a first step even if he wont go, go for yourself and your children. The next step would be to tell him to grow up and stop acting like little hitler and take some responsibility for his life, if he wants a sugar moma he should have married one. I would give him a deadline to get a job and start contributing to the house or tell him to go live with his parents and they can support him like the child he is acting like. You need to get a back bone, your life is what you make it, if all you can come up with is excuses as to why your life sucks it is no ones fault but your own and you have to take responsibility for that and if you don't like the way it is going then do something about it. Just take that first step and you will realize that it is not as hard as you imagined it to be. I did and now my life is great. You can do it just don't let the fear of the unknown scare you from trying you have more then just yourself to think about. Takc care and good luck, god bless.
2006-06-14 05:37:54 · answer #2 · answered by igeminii2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You put up with this for 10 yrs wow wonder how long were you married the 1st time and much crap you put up with that time too? Anyways you better leave this guy he is not worth you! He should be happy that your putting food on the table for him! Rather than being controlling. Your kids are grown up and you do not need to worry of them but now its your turn! You have lived 10 yrs of hell do you want to end your life in the same way? You can support yourself even after you leave him! A guy who does not respect his woman is not worth that woman!!
2006-06-14 05:56:52 · answer #3 · answered by Pari 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drop the life insurance and make him aware of it. Nearly all artists have mental health issues. If your being this controlled and YOU pay all of the bills...what are you waiting for? This is not even a financial issue as it is for most abused women. Get you head on straight and move on.
2006-06-14 05:20:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a child more than a partner. His behavior is most certainly abuse-psychological abuse! If he refuses therapy then the only question left is one for you: Do you want to spend the rest of your life living like this? If not, start thinking about what changes you need to make to get yourself out of that situation. Then do it.
2006-06-14 05:16:01 · answer #5 · answered by justneedascreenname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I`ve been married twice, I`m 38 now. His (job) is not the issue. trying to go to counseling will not work. he will not put forth the effort. you are going to have to work and save some money,you have put up with him untill you do this,income tax in in 6 more months,good time to start planning now. Leave him flat,don`t let him know,plan ahead so all goes smoothly for you and the kids,time will heal you(alot of time!)Do this for yourself,as no one elese will do it for you.All is lost with him,All is to gain for you...Good Luck...Talk to God alot,and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. E-mail me if you want
2006-06-14 05:31:42 · answer #6 · answered by carlasuegibbs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've suggested counseling and he won't go, if you haven't been yourself then you should go. If you've exhausted all your options then you might want to look into a separation or divorce. Try to counseling first, and ask him one more time to go with you. If he's abusive to you, call the victim's advocacy office in your area and they can help you escape all this safely. Good luck!
2006-06-14 05:16:55 · answer #7 · answered by SuperJenn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't put up with this kind of treatment. I left my marriage because of my husband's anger issues. He refused to deal with them and said I was the one with the problem. I have never been happier.
2006-06-14 05:42:58 · answer #8 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the only way to control a man is in your dreams. I can assure you that this strong desire for control of you comes from the lack of control he has over his own life.
2006-06-14 05:15:50 · answer #9 · answered by Best answer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could your health problems be STRESS RELATED? Since he won't go to counceling, you have no choice for the welfare of you AND your kids, but to move on. Do you let yourself think of what it would be like without him. Make a plan and go for it!
2006-06-14 05:20:11 · answer #10 · answered by never.say.never 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋