My husband was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer early this year. His mother came to stay with us to help me take care of him. She seems to be a caring mother, but she is too bossy and critical. She does not like the way I keep house, she constantly complains that my kids are spreading germs and she intrudes on me and my husbands arguments like she is some sort of referee.She tends to blame me for everything even when it is clear that her son is in the wrong. For example, My husband has always had a bad temper. He had to have anger management classes to deal with his terrible temper. I am at work one day having lunch with my girlfriends when I remember that I forgot to call my husband. I called him to see how he was doing and all he wants to know is why I didn't call him sooner and that I must be cheating. I reassure him that all is well and that I love him. The next day I find out that he poured water in my new cpu. We get into a huge fight and his mom immediately takes his side!
2006-06-14 04:51:54 · 8 answers · asked by Oracle 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I have been thinking of leaving the relatiionship because things have gotten so strained and uncomfortable. My husband and I had been seperated for 4 years. I came back to live with him a few months ago. We have been married 5 years and the first time I even got a chance to meet his mom was this year due to his illness. My husband and I have a rocky relationship already as it is. He was addicted to sex and porn and it really tore our marraige apart. He cheated continuously. I cheated to get back at him. It was a total mess! I kicked him out our home when he started flaunting his mistresses in my face. Now that he is sick none of his old flames call him or even come by to see how he is doing. I am harboring a lot of resentment. My husband just wants me to forget and not talk about it. His mother wants me to keep my feelings to myself as well and just help her take care of her son.My husband says and does terrible things to upset me and I am expected to take it because he is ill? Help?
2006-06-14 05:04:32 · update #1
Sounds like she needs to go home or he needs to marry her! Or if he refuses to be nice to you, maybe he needs to move in with her. Have you tried telling them to stop? Or ignoring him when he gets that way? I'd blow a gasket if my husband did something as childishly petty as pouring water in my CPU over a late call. Sounds like she needs to butt out or go away. And he needs to decide how much he really wants to be married. A guy that treats you like that doesn't deserve a call or respect.
EDIT: I just saw your additional comments. You were right to seperate and wrong to come back. He cheated on you, which gives you the right to divorce by God's law. It sounds like he thinks he (and she!) can treat you like garbage and get away with it because he's sick. Get out. His Mom seems to be very happy to care for him, so let her. Its not his illness that is causing the divorce, its his pettyness. Walk away and don't look back. Run if you wanna! The only thing he's teaching your son is that out of control anger is ok, and hurting the ones you love on purpose is ok behavior. Get out!
2006-06-14 05:07:23 · answer #1 · answered by Velken 7 · 4⤊ 3⤋
If you can't kick mommy out you better learn to open your mouth and speak your mind. Remind her that although you appreciate her helping out her son she has NO right to make your life more difficult. Every time she makes a disparaging comment, you have to set her straight. It is a war of the wills and you must be stronger. Look at the example that is being set for the kids! They will stop respecting you after some time, especially if she is disrespecting them also. Never let anyone speak to your children like that, they are not germ spreaders, they are your babies. Protect them.
2006-06-14 12:01:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, overwhelming...Hope you keep your sanity. Is it only his mother or you hubby as well? His mum though should be thrown out fair and square, asap. His temper is something you have been living for a long time unfortunately and you have my sympathies. IS he open for conversations? Is he depressed? A friend of mine who works in a hospital with these kind of cancers tells me about the angry natural feelings her patients experience. Some are given anti depressants because they could not get passed a day without suffering... Themselves and their families. Wish you all the luck.
2006-06-14 12:04:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this situation is really tough! I think ur ma in law needs to exit as soon as possible..its clear she's just being an interfering busy body! I hate it when they do that! Tell her to go home ,i think u can take care of your husband urself! Once she goes, u and ur husband have some peace. Cut him some slack though..he has cancer and chemotherapy and stuff really take their toll on the person. Off with the ma in law!
2006-06-14 11:57:48 · answer #4 · answered by princess h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation is a bit complicated. But what I can tell you is, you cannot talk to your mother-in-law regarding her intrusion to your family's problem. That would only worsen your relationship with your husband...remember, she is his mom and she is always on his side, so that makes her his "ally".
From what you've stated, I see your husband is quite possessive...that is where the complication lies. Your problem with your mother-in-law can be dealt with only with the help of your husband, and your problem with your husband can be settled only by you and him.
You need the help of someone who is well-respected by your husband. Look for someone that would talk to him, without your mother-in-law's presence... because, she might only get in the way again.
If you can, try to go away for a while. That might help you to get your much-needed "break" from your dilemma, and mabe give him time to think again about what he needs to do (as your husband) to save your relationship.
Good luck. And I will pray for you.
2006-06-14 12:11:29 · answer #5 · answered by Ross 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick her sorry *** out and take care of that man! He may have a lousy temper, but he's your hubby! The two of you need to take stock of your relationship and handle it with whatever time he may have left. You don't need the stress of a nosy, bossy mother-in-law. If she really wanted to help you care for her son, instead of bittching about your housekeeping skills, she'd PITCH IN AND HELP OUT THERE TOO!
2006-06-14 11:57:05 · answer #6 · answered by bigvol662004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but this seems like an 'abusive' type of relationship... none of the things you typed sounds normal to me.. seems no matter what you do this is always going to be this way. sounds like in a way you are blaming yourself, they are making you feel that way.
The problem is HIS, and cause he is sick that don't make it alright to treat you bad.
As for your Mother In-Law. it's your husbands job to tell her to go to hell when it comes to coming down on his WIFE. He needs a backbone with her, ,seems like he has that with you, cause he CAN do that to you... he is maybe like that because of the OVERBARING mother!
2006-06-14 12:13:23 · answer #7 · answered by Jas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just one thing. And you are staying in this relationship..WHY???
2006-06-14 23:01:58 · answer #8 · answered by zoya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋