My husband and i are getting divorced, because of my infidelity, and over the last two years(that we were married) we've tried to move on we couldn't. and both of us were at fault for the final decision to end our union. Today i'm filled with guilt of something that i had done nearly 3 years ago.
we've been seperated for a few months now and i just want to let him go, and i want him to let me go, but is there ever a way to show him how sorry i am for hurting him so bad? should i just accept my pain and leave him alone and just live with my guilt, or should i try and talk to him and tell him that i'm not heartless and that i do feel the same pain he is feeling?
Will this feeling last forever?
2006-06-14 03:42:46 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i've said "i'm sorry a million times" especially when i came clean about everything. just today... today i feel like $hit for all i've done. i feel like i'll never be able to honestly love anyone again.
2006-06-14 04:03:33 · update #1
I have been where you are. it took about 4 years after the divorce, when i realized that we could have a casual conversation without getting deep, and you could tell that, tho it wasnt forgotten, it didnt seem to be as raw a subject anymore. I told my ex that i was sorry, and i was wrong. That he had been a good husband, and tho we didnt survive in our marriage for other reasons, that the infidelity on my part was wrong, and it should never had been a reason for anything-it was not ok to do it. I did nothing but hurt innocent people, and myself. I actually know that he accepted my apology as genuine.
2006-06-14 04:47:40 · answer #1 · answered by Elly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and tell him how sorry you are for have ever doing this to him and to your marriage. Ask him to please over time to find it in his heart to forgive you. You will also need to let him know that you do feel his pain and that you hurt for what you have done to him and your marriage. But at the same time after this is all said and done let him go and give him space. Hope this helps you and you will feel so much better after telling him how you feel and it will be an inward step of healing for you as well. I hope you feel better over time and that you can move on and get past the pain and guilt of all of this. Hugs to you and I wish you both the best!
2006-06-14 12:44:48 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this point I would give him time. If you have already apologized the that is all you can do. Yes for awhile the guilt and pain will stay but as time goes by it will get better. I am sorry for what you are going through. Take care.
2006-06-14 10:46:24 · answer #3 · answered by chellebeth75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone makes mistakes. We can't beat ourselves up about them forever because life is short and we need to experience it. Making mistakes is part of being human. However if you feel you need to apologize to him for hurting him, I think that's a good idea it will help you feel better about yourself, that you admit your mistake and accept responsability for your actions, and make him feel better that you do care and are sorry. Unfortunately many marriages don't work out but now you're both free to meet someone who will truly make you happy. You'll learn from your past mistakes and so will he and both will be better people for it in the future. Maybe you can write him a letter, at least in my case its easier to express my feelings in writing than in person.
2006-06-14 11:08:40 · answer #4 · answered by honey27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice is to get counseling to help you through the hard time. It is crucial to get help to start feeling better. It is not a good idea to feel guilty forever. My mom divorced my dad for the exact same situation infid. Anyways she and my dad got counseling. After a time he was able to apologize for his behavior. The marriage was never salvagable but at least they are not arguing.
2006-06-14 10:47:36 · answer #5 · answered by ursula_higgs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time will make the feeling go away. But you should've said you're sorry 3 years ago rather than now.
2006-06-14 11:00:58 · answer #6 · answered by bay area curious george 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would just let him know you are sorry and then from there you will have to find a way to work through the guilt of what you did
2006-06-14 10:54:20 · answer #7 · answered by mimismom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best to move on time heals all wounds, I have even heard of people getting remarried years later after incidents like that
2006-06-14 10:45:44 · answer #8 · answered by chalpin07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing that you need to do is forgive yourself for what you have done. If you can not forgive yourself then you can not expect him to forgive you. You will always remember what you did and the consequences of the action but the biggest thing is putting it behind you and moving on with your life and letting him move on with his.
2006-06-14 11:04:19 · answer #9 · answered by sljpng 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to tell you the truth i think you should talk to him and tell him that you're sorry and it will get that guilt of your shoulders and make him feel better also.I think a talk could make things better.
2006-06-14 10:46:23 · answer #10 · answered by Nohemy A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋