Why is marriage so damn difficult?

Answer 1

I've only been married for 5 1/2 months BUT, what I have learned so far is this...

I'm no longer "on my own" and free to do whatever I want. Then again, neither is my husband. It's not that from now until death do us part we can longer do things that we like to do.

Instead of making single decisions we make couple decisions. It's about compromise, learning to listen instead of waiting your turn to talk and being as responsible and concerned for each other as we would our individual selves.

My husband is 24 and I'll be 32 in a couple of months. The adjustment is harder for me than him. He's barely used to being on his own whereas I've been doing my own thing for the better part of fourteen years or so.

It isn't easy, it takes time and work. But that's what committment is I suppose.

Another thing I've found is that it isn't really "BIG" issues that couples disagree on. It's the little things that set you off. One person doesn't like tomatoes in a macaroni salad and the other one can't imagine a macaroni salad without them. One person hangs the toilet paper roll with the roll facing over and the other person prefers having it face under.

Then your families have a hard time over it. The main thing seems to be a debate over who gets more time, as in weekly visits, holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, family vacations. Everyone starts demanding complete and total equality and then it gets to be a huge mess.

Here's what I've found out. You CAN'T have total equality all of the time. All you can do is make it a priority to consider your needs as a couple first, and the needs of everyone else second. As long as you try to consider everyone fairly regardless of who you like more, then you've done the best that you can do.

Learn to say you're sorry, be the first to make up. That doesn't mean that you're conceding on a disagreement it means that you wish you hadn't lost your temper and you are sorry for that. Don't go back to the argument until you've both cooled down and are committed to a fair fight.

Hope this helps advice wise as well as a composite of why marriage of "so damn difficult". I agree, it most certainly is. But, I don't regret signing on for it!!!

Answer 2

Marriage is so difficult because you are building a life together for a life time! Two people trying to blend as one, coming together and learning so much more about the other person, than they ever thought possible. Trying to create a harmonious relationship, with your new spouse who regardless of what you thought you knew is still very different from you because of their family conditioning. Plus learning that you are making decisions based on a lot more important things than, what movie will go to, or where do you want to have dinner tonight? Also, now you have a whole other set of family member who are in your life, that sometimes thinks they should tell you what to do because of who they are. Just trying to love in the in-laws is hard enough without all the criticizing that comes from them. Just keep in mind, "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." Everyone starts out the same way. Those marriages out their that seem so perfect, is do to a lot of work based on both the husband and wife. In time you can eventually get to a level where things are some what easier. Of course, just like the weather, you have to be flexiable for change in a moments notice. Keep fighting threw what ever it is, because if you quit now, someday, with someone new, you will be here again. If you didn't hurdle the problem the first time, what makes you think you can hurdle the problem the next time. At the end of each day, give thanks to god for getting you thru it and ask for strength for tomorrow. Then pour yourself a drink, and kick back. Its going to get better and better all the time.

Answer 3

Because anything that is really worth it can be difficult. Sometimes it takes lots of work to have a good relationship, sometimes it's pretty easy. I think as people grow and change, especially in a marriage, where you're changing together, there are bound to be cycles where things seem really difficult. But then things will resolve themselves and it will get easier. It's just the ups and downs of life. I've been there, and trust me, the difficult times make the great times all the more sweeter!

Answer 4

Marriage, like work, requires effort. Though I'm not familiar with the details of the challenges in your marriage, might I recommend that the two of you set aside some quiet time and have a heart-to-heart talk about what is missing or challenging in the relationship. Friendly tip: Agree beforehand that you will both speak respectfully and from an "I" perspective when sharing your feelings. Avoid using "You ..."; otherwise, the other partner is likely to go on the defensive. Good luck!

Answer 5

because the best rewards come from hard work. Marriages are not supposed to be easy - what makes them rewarding is the effort you put into it.

if you are having too much trouble to handle together, you may consider counseling.

a good marriage takes a lot of work, from both parties. it requires communication, mutual respect, mutual and unconditional love - and PATIENCE. You are two individual very different people, and you can't assume anything in a marriage. he has unique thoughts and ideas, and so do you. You can't read each other's minds and you can't assume he knows how you feel about things. throw kids into the mix and the whole thing gets so much more complicated - but also even more rewarding. Take a deep breath... then talk to your spouse, not us!!

Answer 6

marriage commonly ends up in divorce in america because many people do not understand the complexity it will inevitably create in the household of living with another person they can stand in small amounts at one time and the possibility of children the problem is many people think of the feeling of lust or passion that they get when around the person to be love the problem is love is not a feeling it is more an action to be able to show that they care for the person and their well being and express to others how happy they are that they are with the other person the first question to ask yourself is not how do i feel about this person but does this person have the same life goals in mind as i do? do they have parents? if so how do they treat their parents? and if they treat their parents in a wrongfull maner will this manifest in the marriage toward you as a spouse marriage doesnt have to be confusing its todays pop culture that makes it that way by bringing passion into the minds of the youth of america

Answer 7

Because a lot of people go into it with hidden agendas. People say "well it should be 50/50 in a marriage!" Then here you have to 1/2 people trying to have a 'whole' marriage. Each partner has to be 100% within there own being, then when you come together you will have 200% backing you and your marriage. Each person has to be whole (not half) complete, self supporting, mature, responsible and provisional in their own skin before coming together with someone else. Make sure (s)he is 100% and you are too!

Answer 8

Marriage doesn't have to be difficult, but it does require some work, that is for sure. If you find that it is difficult, there must be a problem in the relationship. You should find out how to fix it. Start with communicating with you partner.

Answer 9

Because people change. It's difficult enough with men and women being very different by their nature. Add in that with the passage of time each person chooses their own path. Now you have two people struggling to be themself individually, yet having to find a middle ground instead because their life path has to follow with their spouses' life path in order for them to move on successfully together. People aren't kidding when they say marriage is hard work. Loving someone is easy. Growing older with someone for the rest of your life along a life path both of you can agree on and will help both of you is hard.

Answer 10

Think you need to talk together and see what is eating at you. If you get no response from him, that will give you an idea of what your future will always be like with this person...it will only get worse over time, do not let things that bother you go unanswered, talk, talk, talk, share your feelings and you will get along better. If you truly love each other you will work through all your good and bad times together, that's what it's all about. Hang in there, but also do not be a doormat!