I'm 21, and my girlfriend just graduated from college. We have an incredible relationship together-- something beautiful and rare in which we're able to grow emotionally and professionally with ease; better than I've ever seen in a couple. We're in the same city for the summer (she's moving here permanently), but my parents disagree with our decision to live together (no pre-marital cohabiting allowed!), preferring I live with a local family member and visit her instead. My girlfriend thinks this sets a precedent of allowing my parents excessive control over my life... They're otherwise very agreeable, liberal people, but this seems to be the issue that they get stuck on. I want to live with the love of my life, but I want us to have a great relationship with my parents, as well. Should I wait until I graduate next year to move in with her? Is it better to appease my parents now in order to make things easier when I really want to move in later, or is that just faulty logic?
2006-06-13 21:23:14 · 9 answers · asked by BrightFella 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
If I choose to live with my girlfriend, I lose financial (and potentially some familial) support. She has a good job, and I can earn a bit of money, but this is an expensive city to live in.
2006-06-13 21:34:34 · update #1
And my girlfriend is REALLY not happy with the idea of me letting my parents control me in this situation. I.E., it could be the downfall of our relationship. I suppose that's pretty important.
2006-06-13 21:39:23 · update #2
You are absolutely right. You have been very considerate to your parents, which shows your family culture. There is no hurry for marriage, now. Maintain good relationship with her and rightly no co-habitation till formal marriage. But tell your parents that if they want to see you married you would marry only her and none else. After all they are your parents, they will not like to stand on the way beyond a certain point. All the best. God's delays are not God's denials. Patience is genius.
2006-06-13 21:35:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In America, 18 equates to Independence.
If you are financially dependent upon your parents, you might have to play both sides of the fence in order to enjoy that.
If that's a terrible thought.
Visit your financial aid office and discover scholarships and grants that can pay for your college ... and then some.
www.fafsa.ed.gov is where you'll apply for federal financial aid.
As a dependent, you may be denied, but this denial is a door opener to other opportunities.
I personally believe that living with your partner is an excellent opportunity to get to know her and make valuable decisions on a life spent with her. Statistics show that people who lived together longer than 2 years before marrying, stayed married and report greater marital contentment.
You won't be living with your parents for the rest of your life...
but you will be living with your partner - potentially - for longer than 18 years.
The decision is ultimately yours to make...and it's a tough one. But I think it's one you need to make in order to move forward and mature.
best success to you both
2006-06-13 21:39:33 · answer #2 · answered by Warrior 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The main question is: If you move in with your girlfriend, will you still be financially dependent on your parents?
I moved out a year ago (I'm 22), and although I have turned to my parents when money situations have gotten desperate, I would not expect them to pay my way if I'm not living with them or with family.
Think about it... I know it is a difficult situation, but remeber to be fair.
2006-06-13 21:36:38 · answer #3 · answered by Krissyinthesun 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I have two points to make:
It is true that couples who live together before they are married are far more likely to either break up beforehand, or get divorced.
Second. You are now an adult. Your parents can't make you do anything. If you want to live together then do so. Your parents may disapprove, but I highly doubt that they will disown you for doing so.
2006-06-13 21:27:13 · answer #4 · answered by Gregie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now there's the rub...shouldn't they have some kind of control if you are sponging off them?( oops, I mean them helping you financially)...you're 21? so? that is just a number...you are not able to make 21 year old (adult) decisions as of this time. Your parents are pretty cool, and they are no fool.
2006-06-13 21:29:53 · answer #5 · answered by Pooks 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are their little boy and they love you it id hard to let go but you got to tell them how you feel about it remember comunication is the key to everything thats why man created it I had to go through it to and I am only 17 but I turn 18 in october I dont have parents anymore so I had to go on my own email me at the source for more help
2006-06-13 21:29:12 · answer #6 · answered by darlena88 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
parents are gods on earth
follow their suggestions.
stay with ur relative.
Even if u stay with ur relatives u can spend whole day with ur GF
and come back to ur room just to sleep.
2006-06-13 21:29:29 · answer #7 · answered by good_boy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So whats the problem you have made you disicon so go live it.
2006-06-13 21:28:15 · answer #8 · answered by stillhappy89 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go for it!! move out!! u cant rely on Ur parents all Ur life..........Ur an adult now!!!!!!
2006-06-13 21:29:22 · answer #9 · answered by lucie1739 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋