I have been with my husband for four years.Im 28 he is 38. he is a lawyer and a nice guy but now i think i dont love him and i need someone that i can have more in common with.But i can't leave him b/c he is a very nice and sweet guy. im sure im gonna miss him..I dont wanna find someone and then leave.i dont think that's fair..but what are the chances i find the right person . im so confused...i didnt know what i was doin when i was getting married..now im begining to find what i want out of life...my question is how can i be sure this feelin i have is true and there is a right person for me out there..im attractive and educated if that helps some one to answer my question..thanx for taking the time..
2006-06-13 16:32:17 · 12 answers · asked by abc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow, i truly feel for you. I understand that situations like urs can be confusing and depressing. However, by reading your email i get the feeling that you feel that ur happiness lies on either your husband or another nice guy. I understand that its always scary to leave one secure relationship for the hopes of finding something better. There are no guarantees that whats out there is better then what you already have, but life is about following your heart and your gut instinct. If you feel like your not in love with your husband it is important that you communicate with him. Maybe you guys have lost some of your romance, maybe ur not attracted to him, or just maybe you have grown to like different things. Whatever the case is if your husband truly loves you he will listen. Maybe you guys can try addressing the issue through counseling, or maybe you simply need some time apart. Relationships aren't easy and although you may feel as if you already dont spend enough time together, having no communication with him will make you realize wether or not you belong together. As far as your question of how you can be sure if your feelings are true, well thats simple....Imagine yourself without him for the rest of your life.....can you cope?
2006-06-15 07:29:19 · answer #1 · answered by jserrano1966@sbcglobal.net 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I read your question and really thought about it. I believe you might have married your husband because of the security that he gives you. I'm not saying this in a bad way, but, you might have liked the fact that he was a lawyer, he is a nice guy and that is an American Girl's dream....to be married to a Doctor or Lawyer. You were also young and young people usually have an idea as to what they want out of life, but living life itself is the only way to know what your "Calling" is and that takes a little time. So...you've come to the situation that you are in now. ....You like your husband, he's a sweet guy and you could live with that if you HAD to. You're not willing to give it up for something worse and you don't know if you'll get worse. You basically like the security that you are in. You more than likely have a nice home, nice vehicle and good circle of friends. You would like to find "THE Guy of your DREAM", but you're afraid that won't happen and you'll be giving up the mediocre husband that you have and also be giving up the perks that come with him. Have you ever had wishes that he could just "Go Away" somehow and then Mr Dream Guy could step right into the materials things that you have then you would have it all? If you have had thoughts like that, then you may be afraid of giving up your lifestyle. And believe me.....I am not slurring you in any way...I am just trying to help you see what you may be holding onto if that is what it is. I would suggest that you talk to your husband and tell him that you feel that you two are slipping away from common grounds. If he loves you, he will try and work things out. Believe me, love can be re-newed....All my best to you and hope things work out. :-)
2006-06-13 16:53:51 · answer #2 · answered by sugarbud 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen to me- I was in your shoes four years ago. I was married to a wonderful and nice man for five years. I was only 16 when I married him. Four years later I felt like I didn't love him nor have anything in common with him anymore. I grew apart, not him. I wanted to leave, but wasn't sure I would regret someday. Same as what you're going through.
One friend asked me this: "If you see him with another woman, would you be jealous/hurt?" I right then and there knew the answer, so I left. .. What is your answer? If you are still jealous- The feeling could still be there. It might be just burried so far down because your husband is a lawyer. Their job requires long hours and stress. He's probably unconciously unaware of him distanting you. Please, talk to him about how you feel first. and maybe he just needs to spend alittle more time with you rather than his work. Trust me- My boyfriend is a lawyer. and don't even get much attention from him anymore. But I still love him. If falling out of love is the case- Than you could leave. Only for the better- not for the worse. Whatever you choose,I hope you don't regret. I didn't.
Good luck
2006-06-13 16:45:01 · answer #3 · answered by roxylee11782 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You did know what you were doing when you got married. If your love is waning you need to re-invigorate it, not just throw it away. Really, I hope you understand that you are lucky if you have a nice, sweet, supportive, good provider man. A lot of women got really tricked in their marriages so don't take yours for granted, it's not easy to find a man who will commit. Sit down, talk with him, maybe you two should take a vacation and reconnect. And if you DO decide you don't want him, definitely leave before you start looking for someone new, that is really the least little bit of respect you owe him. Good luck.
2006-06-13 16:48:32 · answer #4 · answered by Mariah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're doubting your choice then maybe you should cut and run. Life's too short. He may be a great guy, but that doesn't mean that he's the right guy for you. There's someone out there that you'll be compatible with in every way, and it doesn't sound like your husband is that guy. Make a run for it.
2006-06-13 17:00:14 · answer #5 · answered by smurfette_au2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
base on experience. i know how you feel. i was married for 8 years my husband is allot older than me. we got married when i was 21 he was 45. we don't have anything in common, we don't even have sex. he was also nice and he give everything to me i love him but I'm not in love with him. meet a guy and we're so in love. one day i ask him for divorce. at first he doesn't want it but i ask and ask then he agree with it. Money can't buy happiness. personally there's no regret of what i have done at least for once in my life i was happy and i did felt the real feelings how to be love and being in love. we're both in love.....
2006-06-13 17:03:12 · answer #6 · answered by Dance06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow honey u got it bad I feel for u but thats a tough one .So you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone you don't love. But I assume you respect him and don't want to hurt him Right?Well honey you can never be sure but in your heart you got to find out ,if you want to talk you can IM me or send me an e-mail .
2006-06-13 16:42:29 · answer #7 · answered by Hea Dude ! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to be nice -- and I believe you do -- tell him now and don't waste anymore of this nice guy's life.
2006-06-13 16:40:34 · answer #8 · answered by BJ M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im Muslim aswell and frm Lahore, really willing to talk wit u abt ur issues, as they seems really serious, atleast i can try to do my best to save some one family, contact me
lifesucksdaily@yahoo.com
2006-06-13 19:12:59 · answer #9 · answered by N A 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
in your case i think age does matter . no one deserves to be unhappy with their mates in a relationship. you need to let him down easy and remain friends and go on to find your happiness.
good luk lol.
2006-06-13 16:41:35 · answer #10 · answered by imbossy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋