I have told my husband that the realationship was over and we had a long talk, etc... however I didn't bluntly say "I want a divorce" or "please move out" but I made it very clear that the relationship was over and he even said that he understood, but he is not understanding.... either he thinks I am not serious or I will change my mind I am not sure.
I communicate better in writing, and my husband still wants to be married and I do not. My question is: Is it wrong to write him a detailed letter asking for the divorce, since he did not respond to our long heartwrenching talk?
2006-06-13 16:00:12 · 19 answers · asked by curious 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To add details in response to answers: First thank you everyone for your answers.
Secondly, yes marriage is over, has been for a long time. We are two people living under the same roof basicially. We unfortunatly have grown apart instead of together over time and there have been really bad times. There is so much resentment built up we can never have a loving marriage again, and neither one of us is happy. We have been through counseling and all that jazz too, so we have tried, and tried, and tried. As far as the house goes, it is mine, it was mine before we were married, so there isn't a question of who's house or who should leave. Also, my husband wants to stay married, not because he loves me but because he has it made here frankly. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and always will, but I am not in love with him, nor him with me, and I don't want to get to the point that I hate him... it is a thin line. Also, we both are good people that deserve to be happy.
2006-06-13 16:18:53 · update #1
I don't think it is every wrong to tell a person you care (D) for how you feel. i think you are saving him future heartache by telling him now your wishes. if one person does not want to be in the marriage you are a stronger person for directly telling him this then allowing him to continue in a one sided relationship.
However, I don't know if a letter is the best way to go since it can be seen as impersonal and you might end up doing more harm than good. I would sit down with him again and explain to him what you want and make sure you get the words out this time. Even though it will hurt him at first, in the long run he will appreciate you more for being honest with him rather than letting this drag on for years..
2006-06-13 16:06:57 · answer #1 · answered by livingandloving 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie, dont put anything in writing such as that. A cunning lawyer can rip to shreds every word against you.
Divorce uses law. Law is different than real life. Believe me. (suppose he had a better job and you said take the kids for a few months til I get settled for a good place for them. If he decided to go for custody, the law would recognize you/that as abandonment) see how real life and law are different?
Obviously he doesnt want divorce and is hoping you're not serious or that you will change your mind. Makes no difference which, its still the same result. From what you wrote, yes, you will have to SAY, I'm sorry, I want a divorce.
One word: did you say vows in front of God? If yes, then it was God that joined you. God's provision of divorce only is on the grounds of infidelity. When you made love together you physically became "one". If neither of you committed adultery, then that "oneness", that covenant (agreement) with God that He blessed you with, has not been broken.
God can restore the love between a husband and wife, truly. I hope you will consider this and counselling before you divorce. It may be a long regret if you dont. Weigh it carefully.
And every word you said-I've been there.-but I mean what I say about God too-because He did for me.
********************************************************************** You added details while I was writing. Just DONT PUT ANYTHING IN WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you could end up with half a house. laws...
2006-06-13 16:26:42 · answer #2 · answered by baghmom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write him a letter. Write it as though you are talking directly to him.
Say exactly what you want to say to him, point by point. Then, select
a time that you feel would be good for him to be able to take the time
to read your letter, and hand it to him. Tell him that since he won't listen
to you when you speak, you wrote down what you wanted to say and
you would like him to read it IMMEDIATELY. Tell him you will sit
there with him while he reads it, but you will not discuss it until AFTER
he reads it completely. (that way, he won't contradict what you say in the
first paragraph, and then you both get sidetracked, and he never gets
to finish the letter.) While he still may not be receptive to the idea of a
divorce, at least now he will know you are serious enough about it and
hopefully it will serve to open up communications between the two of you.
2006-06-13 16:21:45 · answer #3 · answered by mda10k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it all depends on your reasoning behind wanting to get divorced. If you are just tired of the relationship than I think you two should go to some counseling and see if that works out. If there is a valid reason than you should definitely write your letter explaining why you want out. He may understand that a little better. Or maybe even just take a short hiatus. You can separate indefinetly and see if that is what you really want.
2006-06-13 16:20:36 · answer #4 · answered by dolcegotico 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is wrong to ask him for a divorce in a letter. Regardless of how you feel you communicate better, this is about both of you. You are the one that feels you want a divorce now look him in the eye and tell him that instead of hiding behind a letter.
And telling him that it's over isn't saying "I want a divorce" so it isn't that he isn't understanding you it is that you are not communicating effectively. It is hard saying those 4 words but if you really feel it in your heart, you owe it to both of you to say it.
2006-06-13 16:08:33 · answer #5 · answered by girlysledgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not just come right out and say it, "I want a divorce"
Or you could the papers drawn up and serve him with them, that is considered writing it to him right?
If I sounded rude I do apologize because I know this is serious for you and I would never make fun at something as serious as marriage....Honestly.
I just got married so I do understand.
2006-06-13 16:06:24 · answer #6 · answered by Lil Angel 68 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is your relationship over? Are you sure divorce is all thats left. He seems to surely love you, as you have told him without a doubt there is a problem,yet he wants to remain married...I think you owe it to him to tell him exactly what the problem is, why you want a divorce, exhaust all possibilities of working it out. Then, you have no regrets if it ends, and he moves on....you dont want to jump to the other side of the fence thinking the grass is greener, and find out it is not...
2006-06-13 16:10:27 · answer #7 · answered by Elly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im the type of person that also gets things out better in writing, so just write him the letter. It will come out exactly the way you want to say it and it is probally much more comfortable for you.
2006-06-13 16:06:51 · answer #8 · answered by Bay Area Gal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he feels since you want the divorce you should leave
but to answer your question yes a letter would be very cold for such an intimate subject you need to just flat out tell him you want a divorce and you want him to move out
2006-06-13 16:04:48 · answer #9 · answered by bigjohn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should he leave? He isn't the one throwing away the marriage. Maybe he would understand better if you packed your crap and took off? Plus, you have to understand, us men are kinda stupid to start with, and then you drop this big bomb on us...it is alot to suggest, don't you think?
Expecting him to move out because you told him the relationship is over is ridiculous though.
2006-06-13 16:09:26 · answer #10 · answered by Cing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋