me and my ex split up in march. i broke up with her because we were at the bar and she invited her ex over to talk. they have had some history. we were together for 2 years. the whole time we were together she wanted to marry me. i wasnt ready for that in my life. i was recently in california for army training. we were talking about getting back together and working on us. when i came back she said she would take me back and asked me to propose. i did. then 2 days late she said she needed time to heal. we still talk everyday, go out, and sleep together. i know i hurt her before and she hurt me. she still tells me she wants to work things out but shes moving. her b day is in a week. should i get the ring? i asked her what she would say and she wasnt sure. but it might be another test she is trying. i love her....what do i do??
2006-06-13 14:56:24 · 14 answers · asked by jlb421 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The ambivalence you both have will not be solved by getting married.
She wanted marriage to begin with; you werent ready, so she felt rejected.
She took you back, then for all intents and purposes she proposed to you, then she decided she needed time to heal. (see the accept/reject pattern going on?)
Sometimes a couple that has broken up cant let it stand of who broke up with whom. I can see that she cant, at least.
Now she doesnt know what she would say this time if you proposed to her again.
And testing you? Yes, testing how many times she can kick you and you'll come back for more.
If you want to get her a birthday present, get her one of those body pillows and leave.
CERTAINLY marriage is not going to heal the wounds, but it might wound the heal. You know how to love. Look for someone that will cherish you and also knows how to love. Beware, once you break up with this one, you are going to look mighty fine to her. Get off the go-round.
BTW, thank you for serving our country as a US Soldier. God Bless you and your comrades. You deserve better than what you got with this one. You dont want her to be unfaithful when you are deployed-A VERY COMMON PROBLEM-and distract you from your duties. IT HURTS, ESP WHEN YOU ARE SO FAR AWAY.
2006-06-13 16:00:32 · answer #1 · answered by baghmom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention what YOU want to do. That's kind of a key point. Don't get her a ring for her birthday -- the two are separate issues.
Sounds like you two have a lot of talking and hashing out to do. If it's a "test", then it's game playing, and you can't build from that kind of flimsy foundation. Spend some more time getting to know each other and having the HARD conversations. After all, you're talking about the rest of your life.
2006-06-13 15:02:51 · answer #2 · answered by Shadycat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sounds like an ex girlfriend? Not an ex wife? I personally would NOT marry someone to make up with them. Think about it, she won the biggest argument you had, and you plan to make it up by marrying? You're gonna be in the wet spot for rest of your time together, especially when you come back from any future training. I'd give her the "walking papers" for her B-day. She seems like she's looking for your boundries and how far she can push them.
2006-06-13 15:11:13 · answer #3 · answered by Horndog 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to marry her? I mean, do you feel like you wouldnt be able to spend the rest of your life without out her? If you really love her, and you think she feels the same way about you, then sure! Get the ring and get married! But, if you arent sure about how you're feeling, dont be too quick to make the move, or accept it. Marrying someone shouldn't be taken lightly. Too many people these days do, which is sad. BUt, hey! if you feel its the right thing to do, you guys should get married! *good luck!*
2006-06-13 15:03:21 · answer #4 · answered by gorgeousLove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buy her the ring if you think you know what she likes. Sounds like you guys want each other and need each other. That first step of commitment will bring her to you. But don't grovel. Tell her you know her well, respect her and can't imagine living your life without her.
One last word of caution ... if your tummy is telling you that there is something you can't live with in this relationship, don't lie and tell her you can't live without her. Sometimes, that is why people hesitate. Sometimes it is due to cold feet. Cold feet is no big deal. Only you can know ... well, you'll never know for sure until you try.
2006-06-13 15:15:13 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not buy her a ring; I would sit down with her, and get to the bottom of who feels what, and why. If you can get this sorted, then, you can move on from there. But to me, from what you say, nothing is completely resolved. It's like trying to build a bridge without the necessary equipment. So, if she's willing to do this, it's the first step. If not, I'd chalk it up to experience, and learning from that, move on.
good luck either way
2006-06-13 15:01:46 · answer #6 · answered by Tash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So not buy the ring yet. You two have a lot to work on before you even think about being married. Good luck.
2006-06-13 15:05:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a heavy hitter..she sounds hesitant. I would give her a wide space, let her know how you feel but keep distance, later if she wants and you want then go for it. It sounds like some space is needed right now though.. Just my opinion Good Luck!!
2006-06-13 15:02:29 · answer #8 · answered by clbinmo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you already asked her "what she would say and she wasn't sure", then you already have your answer. I'm sorry, it was no.
Wish her a happy birthday and a happy life, and get on with yours without her. Learn from the mistakes in this relationship and go find a new one.
2006-06-13 15:02:55 · answer #9 · answered by sublimetranscendental 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should forget about her and move on. You'll be ok in time and find someone better. Getting married won't solve the problem.
2006-06-13 15:14:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋