How do you cope with a partner who has multiple affairs?Especially if you have been faithful the entire marriage and never strayed. It seems like more often than not the other parties involved (mistress/manstress whatever)-- always know that the person is married or married with kids, but they don't care and drop the pants anyway! How could any human being do this to another? Why don't they just be honest? It takes WORK to cheat yet,they will plan and plot to destroy your family behind your back together with YOUR spouse the one person you should be able to trust more than anyone else.When children are involved it's also more difficult and when you try to get past it and work on the marriage your spouse is always a constant reminder of what was done or cheats on you again just when you start to try and heal. How do you cope with such betrayal? Also why are people so willing to sleep with married people? Ok .. forget respecting a marriage for a second what happened to SELF- RESPECT?!
2006-06-13 14:49:50 · 14 answers · asked by ♥ jojo ♥ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all if he has done this you have biblical grounds to leave him and to divorce. This is frustrating and hurtful and i am so glad you brought this up today.
Marriage vows are not respected any more because of hardness of hearts and selfish people who seem to forget their vows and they don't want to live by them any more. Very sad indeed. It is very hard to cope with this kind of betrayal and the person being hurt needs to seek counseling and help to heal from this and to get past it. If the partner continues to do so and is not remorseful and does not want to change then walk away and divorce and do not look back. People just dont respect marriage anymore and dont care about the sanctity of it. They have what i call lapse of memory of commitment love and honor for each other. They seem to forget the vows and refuse to live by them and remember that they vowed til death do we part....
However if the spouse is truley sorry and changes and wants to work it out it is the persons place who was hurt to try to forgive and work on the marriage and try to restore and heal it and seek marriage counseling together with their spouse.
2006-06-13 15:23:46 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Marriage vows aren't always broken. When they are, it seems as if the whole world is shattered. A betrayal seems so much worse when it involves infidelity rather than other malicious lies.
The best way to cope with multiple affairs is to get a divorce. Sorry, but it really comes down to your own self-respect. If you truely believe in yourself, you'll find the strength to strike out on your own. There's a blog out there that deals with these issues in a Q&A format. backpackingthroughdivorce.blogspot.com
2006-06-13 22:02:50 · answer #2 · answered by BackpackerTD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage vows, like many other moral issues have faded into America's history. Vows, rules, laws....none of them are respected because the human races has lost respect for others.
It's sad. I hope you can deal with your issues. I've always said once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. You deserve to be with someone who respects YOU and shares your same commitment towards upholding morality in one's life.
Good Luck!
2006-06-13 22:01:15 · answer #3 · answered by PacificDreamer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, its so much hurts when our spouse cheated on us. My man had been having affair with a divorced woman. At first, I been wondering why this divorced woman wanted to break other people marriage? But if my man is faithfull, this woman will not able to go near him.. So, the problem is with my man, not the other woman. When a man unfaithfull to us, we have to start to think of our own future. We had to let go of this unfaithfull person and love ourselves more... "Just let the both Jerk together"....
2006-06-13 22:06:11 · answer #4 · answered by rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many people seem to think that sex and love are two different things. A man/ woman may love and respect his/her relationship, they don't want to break-up their marriage, lose their children, but they just don't see why an extramarital affair should threaten all this. They try to cover up their affair, they figure that they are not hurting anyone, in fact, they are under an impression that it makes them better lovers to their partner. CRAP!!
When two marry, they are bound together, not by law, but by love. They are supposed to be openly committed to each other for the rest of their lives. They do this in faith, each one trusting the other to never hurt, but always willing to help each other. Together they make each other happy and in the tender intimacy of love, they find deep satisfaction in opening up their hearts to one another and being honest with each other. So when one partner decides to stray and look for satisfaction elsewhere, he betrays that special trust and bond they made to each other when they got married.
The relationship becomes unhealthy from all the lies and deceit. The unfaithful one becomes his own worst enemy. How can he be honest and open up his heart to his wife, when he is hiding a betrayal from her. Every thought of his has to be monitored, every word has to be weighed, fear, all because he might spill the beans, so to speak.
When God said, " Thou shall not commit adultry", He knew exactly what he was doing. Adultry ends in humiliation and revenge. Adultry breaks hearts and homes. Sex symbolizes complete giving of oneself to his life partner. Sex outside of marriage is a meaningless act, selfish, undisciplined self-gratification. And it destroys the very heart of marriage.
For you to try and live happily with your husband, all the while having his infidelities under your nose has to be one of the hardest things to do. But I take it that you've forgiven him, but I rather seriously doubt in your heart that you have, not unless you've had psychological shock treatment. I seriously believe that your husband needs councelling in his habitual sex addiction, as it appears he's done it more than one time.
For you to really seriously forgive him is going to take time. You have to admit in your heart that " what's done is past" it can't be undone. True forgiveness will heal itself and until the rift is mended, forgiveness is not complete.
2006-06-13 23:07:15 · answer #5 · answered by trieghtonhere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the bottom line, God is Love. without God in the marriage there is no respect anywhere. Where else would the respect come from. With God there are rules and without Him you have no guidelines to live by. So, did you marry with God or without Him? without Him it's no hold bars. with Him your spouse has not just disrespected you but has disrespected God and will have to answer to Him cause Jesus says Vengance is mine says the Lord, keep praying and get spiritual guidance
2006-06-13 21:57:58 · answer #6 · answered by a believer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married people are not judgemental in bed. They have less inhibitions, and single people seek this kind of intimacy. A lot of people who cheat with a married person assume there will be a nurtured and comforted.
2006-06-13 22:01:07 · answer #7 · answered by stephanie e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people dont take the time to really listen to those vows anymore, they get married, not understanding that marriage isnt all about sex and hanging out. it is something that you must work at everyday, if you want it to work.
2006-06-13 22:56:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is set some ground rules if he doesn't like it I'd think seriously about leaving. Why do people do it, lust, greed
selfishness, need of variety, confidence. You get the picture.
2006-06-13 22:01:29 · answer #9 · answered by thresher 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. That is no way to live. If your beliefs oppose divorce, I would suggest that you reconsider them because you deserve a happy life. Your children will respect you for it.
2006-06-13 22:26:14 · answer #10 · answered by angry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋