very imporant!! was he wrong or was she wrong?

Question

Ok,when my mom was 15, she went out to california (she was living in michigan at the time) to see her father for the first time in a while. He took her out to nice places and bought her fancy things. Pretty soon, though, he started molesting her and then raped/had sex with her. Her father told her it was okay because in the bible, some guy slept with his daughers. He pretty much brainwashed her to think that it was okay to sleep with him. When she was 16 she got pregnant with his baby. After she had the baby, she tried to get away from him but he kept stalking her. She moved back to michigan but he called and said it would never happen again, so she went back with him but he continued to molest/rape her. She eventually had two other kids with him. She tried to get away dozens of times. She finally got away after her sister (My aunt) called the police. Was my mother wrong to believe that it was okay to sleep with him?

just keep in mind that this was in the early 80's and people were'nt as educated and informed about these kind of things. They basically turned their back. Even her own mother (my grandma) turned her head away. Also, my mom never had me with her father. She had me with her bf after all of this happened. So no, i am not incest...but also i do not think it's right for people to tease my siblings and me for being incest (even though I AM NOT). they dont know the facts and they need to shutup

and of course, no i could never blame her! she has explained everythign to me. she first told me this when i was 9 or so. and i know what she went through and all her pain that took place. her father (aka technically my granfather who can rot in hades) SHOULD be in jail, but he has cheaten the system too many times.

Answer 1

Your mother was a child when all this happened and someone who was supposed to protect her and love her did this to her. She was brainwashed by her father. Her father was supposed to love her and teach her whats good and right - her dad took advantage of his positition in order to do horrible things to your mother. It was NOT her fault. No one should blame your mother at all - she is the victim. No one should blame or tease your siblings either - they had no choice in any of this and are victims too.
Remember that your mother was a victim in all this - she is not the one to blame. Her father is to blame for all this, and if your grandmother knew about it - she's to blame too. If people where you live are making your life hard there isn't much you can do but ignore them. Have you talked to your mom about maybe moving and getting a fresh start somewhere new? You can't really change peoples minds about anything - you can only try to enlighten them on the truth.

Answer 2

he was wrong for doing what he did! She was only 15 and he was an adult! That is NEVER right! That really pisses me off when I hear about men doing stuff like that because a 15 year old girl looks up to her daddy and wants his approval! I would NEVER say that it was her fault! He should have been locked up and the key thrown away.
having three kids with him was not all her fault. He is to blame on that one too. He brain washed her to think that it was ok and if she tried to get away she knew in her heart that it was wrong but she knew NO different! Please don't blame her! She was abused by her father and that is just not right! He should be watched around his other kids (grandkids) because if he did it to one he will do it to all.

Answer 3

Both of them were very wrong to have given in to that kind of relationship. It is called incest. Incest is when members of the same family have sexual relationships and this is something very disgusting especially for those who believe in God. I don't know if your mother loved your grandfather in a different plane or level. Her giving in to his sexual desires several times might mean that she did not resent his immoral acts. Could it be to her own liking or out of fear? But her going back to him the first time she left is something that you have to analyze. Was it because she loved him not as a father but in a romantic way or was it because she was threatened by your grandfather?

But no matter what the answers could be, I would again and again say that both of them were wrong and that act deprives them of decency in the eyes of men. It is good that your aunt learned about that and helped put an end to that malady.

Answer 4

No that was not right.Your mother probably had no idea he was going to do that.The reason your gram ma turned her head is because your gran father probably did the same thing to her.This is something that probably has been going on for generation.Your mother was right to not let you be around your grandad,because he would have done the same thing to you.She was young and was told to do what ever dad said.I could be wrong and i am sorry if i offend you,but maybe your grandad was molesting your mom an had such control over her that she did what ever he said ti do.I'm sorry that this happened to your mom.

Answer 5

I help a mother and daughter in just about the same. The mother was only 12 when it happened so the girl she gave birth to grew up thinking that her mom was just her sister. It is not something easy to deal.

Just to listen to her story is more than enough to bear. But I help them to see that they live, not die at birth. They were still alive and not a mistake because God allowed for them to be born because he had the power to prevent the conception.


Just as in your situation your mom, kin, and you should take NO, NO, blame or wrong believe or doing for his behavior and action. She had nothing to do with it or to make it happen. But more important on your part is not just to prove that he was wrong and evil to make you feel better.

But it should be for you have to forgive him and look for the good in it and move on. I used the illustration with the mother I worked with that yes it was all evil but when you reverse the word EVIL you get LIVE. And of they want to live not to die.

So I help the mother and her daughter who is now 12 heself to refuse to let her past determines her future. The 12 yr old now know that they are mom and daughter too.

The key to help you let the bad past go is to adopt the spirit of forgiveness and keep a hold of the right spirit.

Spirit connects to each other and if you holding on to the past it will block you from the present. Anything wrong in your present can only blind you to see the present. But when you think of the bad past it will blind you of the present and the future.

It took her about one year for her to let go of the abuse, neglect, and incest but she did and now she and her daughter lives together.

Answer 6

No. Alot of times girls are told alot of things so they won't tell anyone. U said in those times people weren't really educated about this stuff so it isn't her fault. How can u know if something is wrong if u were never told about it and don't know anything. He was the one is wrong because he knows that is illegal and wrong. This is why i think kids should be educated about rape/molesting, u know that type of stuff.

Answer 7

No, HE WAS WRONG|. Your mother was a child, there is no way she should ever, ever blame herself. She can only ever be a really good and decent person for having those babies instead of aborting them and then caring for them and bringing them up properly. She deserves a blood* medal for what she has been through. She is an inspiration to all those of us who feel like we have problems in our lives.

Answer 8

Incest is illegal and I hope your mom gets some long-term counseling help. At 15 it can be very difficult to know right and wrong if your parent is guiding you...what a horrible dilemma for your mom.

Answer 9

Someties family members dont want to belive that there is something wrong going on in the family. they dont want to admit it. because it would be easier just to let it go and forget about it...but to the person it has happened life can never be the same...especially if that was her father. he should have known better...she should have prssed charges. ppl are too forgiving. thts serious.

Answer 10

he was definitely wrong and so was everyone else who just stood by and did nothing. it is not your mother's fault she was led to believe that this was okay and I am sure she has repented for what happened. you seem like a smart girl I hope your mom has gotten psychological help because i am sure she must be traumatized by what happened. i wish you and your family all the best.