Should we get married?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and are SOOO IN LOVE! We're both 20 years old and he's is a new active-duty enlisted soldier in he United States Navy and I am a college student. He will be coming home in August right before school starts again for me and we've been batting around with idea of getting married...although he has not formally asked yet, I can tell he will, and probably soon...normally a girl would be exicted but, there are some things to consider...
Because he is a NEW active-duty solider, and I will be away at school we will spend SOO much time apart! We're also pretty young...and lastly our parents dont have the best relationship with each other (our moms are ALWAYS at odds)..Over the past 3 years we have been able to tune them out but we KNOW that if we get married BOTH our moms will hit the ceiling! I'm not worried about the distance or infedelity, but I'm just wondering what should I do, if he ask me to marry him, should I follow my heart and say ye

Answer 1

First off he is a sailor not soldier. I am currently married to a soldier in the us army, and if you think the distance will not be a problem you are wrong. I am not saying that either of you will cheat on the other, but there is a lot to think of when you marry into the military. My husband has been away for a year now and he has another six months to go. I love him very much, but it is still very hard on our four year old. You have to consider children, spending habits, and most importantly your will. You both have to be some of the strongest willed people for it to work. You have to remember that as this person is away they will change, and so will you. You have to try to see this as there away and try to grow in the same direction as they do. This is the hardest thing. You also have to remember as they are away to look the other way and not take anything to heart because they are in a tought situation, and you must always remember when they call you to BE POSITIVE, no fighting while they are away. You can not just make up by hugging them and making it all better. If you do fight you have to remember it is a permanent impression on the other person, because it will get very hard to judge the others tone of voice etc. on the long distance phone calls that keep you together. Dont get me wrong I love my husband very much and I would do it all over again if I had to but you just need to realize all of these things before you marry into the military. The majority of marriages in the military end in divorce, because these points were not adressed before the couple made the commitment.

Answer 2

No, I would wait. I am now 26 and I have been married for 3 years and with my husband for over 5 years. When I was 20 I thought I knew everything, and I thought I knew exactly what I wanted or needed. However, due to fate, thank goodness, I did not get married at 20, I was 23, I know 3 years doesn't seem like much, but as far as maturing, from the age of 18 to 26 I have matured in light years. The saying is true, If I only knew then, what I know now. 20 is young and your years at college and his years serving his tour will be time for both of you to grow and change dramatically, if you too are meant to be, then waiting a few years to get married for decades isn't really that long of time. True love and compatibility will last through the tides and times.

Answer 3

You could always become engaged! Engagements can last two years or more. And, engagement is a very good trial for marriage, especially with the other commitments you both have on your plates at this time.

Two years will fly by. All years fly by come to think of it. I've been married 31 years now. Whew! But, waiting two years and still having the same desire to be together will rest your mind and prove for a happier marriage. It's something the two of you can work for. It would be a time for maturing and saving money.

It doesn't sound like you are ready to committ yet. Make sure you are when you do, it's much more difficult to get out of should you change your mind later. And if children are involved in your marriage, it's really not fair to them to 'chance marriage' if you are not very sure. Children need and deserve a strong family support while growing up. There IS much to think about.

Oh, you could always pray for direction in your life too. God can be helpful. Best wishes!

Answer 4

Always follow your heart. In your case, I would just make it a long engagement. If you really feel he's the one, say yes when he asks you. But, since you are so young and you'll be spending so much time apart, wait to get married for a few years. Not that you should take an engagement lightly, but... This way you can have the commitment you desire, but if things change for the two of you, it's not a huge legal issue.

Answer 5

You both are young and probably should wait till he gets home from teh navey and you are out of college so you can be with him... If you truley love each other it will only grow stronger and when the time is better then you can marry... I think the distance and time apart is hurting you right now. Think long and hard before making any rash decisions is all i am saying and marry for the right reasons when you do marry.

Answer 6

1) your parents have little or nothing to do with this UNLESS they are paying for school. Dont' do anything to screw up finishing your degree...you will have that the rest of your life.
2) He hasn't asked yet, so you may be making a mountain of a mole hill. Wait and see what happens. When the question is popped, you will know what to say. Don't think so much, follow your heart, but your head has to be there too.
School first..you have a lot invested at this point..in your future and your future together. Good luck

Answer 7

Wait and finish school. If it is true love, it will stand the test of time. You need to go to the football games and experience college life. You should have the option on both sides to date others. He needs time to get through the pressures of the navy.
Worse case that could happen. A friend of the family who just followed his active duty girl friend to Hawaii and married her, is now filing for divorce because she fell in love with a fellow officer while on active duty. he is back home and destroyed.It does happen.

Answer 8

If you love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together, then say yes to his proposal. There is nothing saying you have to get married right away - you can be engaged and wait a year or two to get married. Your parent's reactions shouldn't even be a concern - they are going to have to learn to live with eachother. What matters is that you love each other and are ready to take the step and commit to marriage. Good luck!

Answer 9

Probably not. No rush. How you feel now, you may not feel in 3 years. At 20, you are at the peak of your physical strength, and at the bottom of your ability to make decisions. In any event, don't have any children until your relationship is solid..... Tell him you will marry him --- just not now. Plan a date for a wedding, just not make it tomorrow. If you love each other, let it age and mellow -- and wait for the frantic nature of romance to see if your relationship will endure. Good luck, sweetie

Answer 10

there are some serious things you should consider. Do you think you could stand with him being away for long periods of time because i know how its like since i had a b/f for a little over 3 years and i got with him right when he got out of boot camp. There would be sea duty that he would have to leave for, which is like 6 or more months depending on what field he is getting into. And the sea duty is done like i think 2 times at least within the 4 years that he is in. My ex....now due to some problems, has left 3 times total since he is covering for someone else who could not go. Being a partner of someone who is in the military, you got to be ready for anything. So can you see yourself being able to handle being alone for months with him being gone? And who knows years later, can you picture yourself being married to him and being left alone taking care of your kids all by yourself until he comes back, if you can then i think you should get married. The family head butting situation, i think those are ignorable to a certain point. You just got to sit down with them and be straight with them and say, ''if you love us, then you got to swallow your pride, mend your ways with the other person, and try to get along for the sake of our marriage" to them, and since they are adults they should be able to manage that since they love you. Hope this helps.