How do you deal with your husband's ex when they have children together?

Question

My husband's ex is impossible. She does everything she can to make life miserable for him. There is a court order for visitation and child support, but she still threatens to go to the court and say he's not doing what he's supposed to if she gets mad for any reason. He pays his child support and takes care of his kids but she is never satisfied. The court system is definately not designed to help the fathers in these situations and she takes full advantage of that. Do we really have to deal with this until the kids are 18? Help! This is the baby's mama from hell. This is why the term 'baby's mama drama' was invented!

Answer 1

You should try to stay out of it. Don't give him more to be stressed about. Fighting with her is not going to help the situation. Treat her with respect even if you don't feel she deserves it. Let him deal with it. She was his wife, he married her, it was his decision, now it is his issue to deal with. Keeping yourself out of it will make it easier for him as well as the kids.

Answer 2

What a shame it is that the babies' mama doesn't act in the best interest of the child. All I can say is CYA - save your cancelled checks - follow the court orders exactly - don't respond to her empty threats. Don't even try to satisfy her - that's not your problem and no longer your husband's problem. Deal with her a cool, controlled, business-like manner. And be prepared to go back to court if she steps outta line -e.g. withholds visitation. Oh - and for your husband's protection, make sure when he has the kids, that there's always someone around. It's not beyond vindictive exes to claim that the dad is sexually abusing the children.

Try to insulate the kids as best as you can. Don't trash her around them, no matter how big of b*tch she is. It puts in the kids into a very difficult situation, where they may feel that they have to pick a side. Let them know it's ok to love their Mom and Dad both. Remember, this is about the kids, NOT about the adults (or presumed adults).

Answer 3

Hopefully your ex pays his child support through the court. If not, it might be a good idea to readjust it.
Make sure that you follow court ordered visitation to the letter and use general common sense when with the kids. (Car Seats, healthy diet, pick up and return on time, etc.) If all of that is done then stand up to her when she threatens to take him to court and tell her to go ahead, you've got a few things you'd like changed as well.
Set up communication, via email (except for true emergencies of course) that way you have everything in print.
Unless your husband has done something extremely out of line, she shouldn't be trying to control him anymore, it's about the kids, NOT HER.
If for some reason you live where there is an archaic court system, then it may be wise to hire a attorney as an advocate and get it over with once and for all. Good Luck, at least he's lucky to have you.!!!

Answer 4

I can't say I know how you feel. I have a step son but his mother is not in the pitcture and never has been. However if your husband is paying child support than he should be okay in court. Make sure you keep very good records of the money he sends her and write down everything that happens such as when he gets the childern and when he takes them home...I don't know if that will help but I would rather have something to go back and look at besides getting to court and getting mad and nervous and not knowing for sure when this or that happened. I would also record her phone calls and save e-mails if she sends any. Just don't let her get the best of you and be prepared.

Answer 5

U sure do have to deal with this until they are 18. As long as he pays his support on time & follows the court guidelines ther is nothing she can do but make his life miserable. If she continues get a restraing order.

Answer 6

Oh...this is a great question.. I just finished dealing with this same situation. My wife is the greatest woman I have ever met, but my ex makes it a living hell. E-mail me at [e-mail] and I will let you know what things to watch out for and protect you and your husbands finances. I lived through not knowing and if someone told me what I know now.....ugh!! The father's need to protect themselves and you're right, the courts don't care about fathers.

Good luck

Answer 7

Well I say to show the courts how she really is prove to them how she acts but do it in a professional way no cameras or tapes cuz it cant be used but try to make her have an outburst in court to make them see how impossible she is and as for the father thing they do have sympathy for them its the judge that can be impossible about it try to find a different judge and try to get custody of the kids some fathers do have their kids for unknown reasons.........Just try to not pay attention to her outbursts and focus on getting her to prove how she is in court.....Good Luck........

Answer 8

here is what you do, start to record everything, your spouse doesnt haveto call or write or email your hubby for anything. she doesnt even have to see him anymore.heres hat i do. i have someone else drop off my child so we wont have any contact with each other or there will be major problems. i used to have my hubby do it until he trid to get into a fight with him, now one of my family memebers drops him off, he tries to ask for me but they just say i dont know where she is. he tries to call but i dont have anything to say to him. hejust wants to see me and hear from me, have you hubby ignore him. change the court order to say whoever is known to the child can pick him up. so that way you can pick him up or your mom or someone. also put in the court order if if she is late dropping the baby off then she looses her visit. i know my ex used to show up late to pick up the baby and drop him off so i had the court order say if he is late to drop oiff or pick up he looses his visit or the next visit. she will be around for a long time so ou have to make sure she doesnt get to you. oh and if she doesnt drop off the baby call the cops and make them write a report have them contact her and see why she didnt drop off the baby.make sure you call the cops everytime she doesnt drop the baby off , record everything so next time you go to court the judge will se she is lying and he will reverse custody. you have to make sure you do everything to make sure she isnt going to win in this situtation. i went thru al lthis. trust me those records will be helpfull and the judge will see she is lying about whats really going on. keep the child support records too, you can get an updated one every month with your statment.good luck.

Answer 9

hI YOU ARE IN A TOUGH SPOT. THE COURT IS NOT THERE FOR THE FATHER'S. i'M A MOM & AN EX. i WAS THE OPPOSITE, MY SONS DAD DONT PAY CHILD SUPPORT, HE SEES MY SON EVERY COUPLE WEEKS. I DO HOWEVER MAKE KNOWN OF MY SONS NEEDS. AND HE DOES PROVIDE. WITH YOU, THE EX IS STILL PISSED OFF ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP, SHE PROBABLY STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR HIM. GRIN AND BEAR IT, IT WILL GET EASIER, NEED MORE INFO.

Answer 10

She is using the child as a tool..as long as he's meeting his legal obligations, tell her to go to hell or talk to your lawyer about HER issues.
Get it straight with her now, or it will go on for 18 years!