i havent seen my dad in 14 years?

Question

right now i am 16.. i have a mom and a step dad.. i never knew my real dad beacuse he left me my mom and my brother when i was two.. about two months ago i founds my half brother.. i was really exited and wanted to get to know him.. i knew my real father owed my mom money because he had never paid child support. i told my mom that i had found my brother and that i wanted my mom to get the money she deserved. now my mom talks about how my real dad would want to have a relationship with me and my brother. i was shocked at first that i really hadent thought about it. i really want to have a relationship with my half sister and half brother . but not my dad. i know people talk about second chances but i feel that what my dad did just leaving us and with out paying child support.. i dont feel like he deserves another chance.. do you ? this is my question do you belive that what my dad did to me , my mom and my little brother that he deserves to have a relationship with me.....?

Answer 1

Life is complicated. You'll never know why your dad left unless you find out from him.

He probably does deserve a second chance, if only so you can find out what happened from his point of view.

Don't judge him too harshly until you meet the man.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I have been in this situation. It is a personnel decision. I tried and all I got was let down again. It seems that once a part of our lives has passed, trying to go back is harder than we would imagine. that means getting past the hurt from him leaving and not helping, all the questions you want to ask, the events he wasn't there for, the time you spent caring that he gave you no thought, And why he chose another family over you. The doubt that you could have felt over the years of him leaving and not loving or supporting you and your family. That is what you have to overcome for a relationship to work with your dad, it wont be easy. I figure if you and your siblings want to hang out thats cool, there isn't any hard feelings there. They ahd no control over what your dad did to you. So it will be easier to have a relationship with them.But your dad is a different story. From my experience, I couldn't get past all the hurt and anger that my dad had caused our family, my half sister and half brother and Me and my brother still talk but my father and I have nothing to do with each other. And his Wife is a bi*ch so that doesn't help any. If you want a relationship with him go for it. If not thats ok too. GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

This is getting to be a more commoon problem in our society. It's very sad. However, we don't know all things.

When you were two, who knows what the relationship was between your parents. You have grown up knowing only your mother's position. I'm sure she did the best job she could as a mother.

Now your father, you should really talk with him and try to find out why he has not contacted you in the past. There is a good chance he did not contact you for your own best interest. Often children are torn apart with divorce and seeing both parents creates turmoil inside them, leaving them feeling powerless and hopeless. Perhaps he was trying to avoid causing you some of these emotional scars as well as more.

On the other hand, he could of been just a selfish and uncaring man who was too young to understand the responsiblibies of having children. However, if your mother has been good to you, and your stepfather has been good to you, your alegiance should be to them first. It's a romantic notion you can create a close bond with your biological father after all these years, but the bottom line is, who has always been there for you?

And, even if I am remotely right about him not wanting to tare you to pieces emotionally, he could of sent a check to your mother whenever it was possible for her to use in the best interest of your care.

Hope it helps a little. Wish I could offer more. Be careful when and if you marry one day. And, for heaven's sake, don't become pregnant until you are sure you want to be! Think of the child!

Answer 4

Well, First of all, there is two sides to every story. While I do agree that no child should have to experience this because it's very devastating. I know I've been there.. But the truth of the matter is...I felt the same as you at the age of 12 and I really did not get to know my father until I was married I was much wiser then...At first I was very bitter...That my dad did this to me and my sister and mom..But over a period of time I learned alot about what happend when he left us like he did..And it all made perfect sense as to why I felt the way I did about him...I only had one side of the story...My mom's..And honestly after I got to know him
I realized that he was a wonderful man that missed out on my childhood But I didn't hold it against him.. There is obviously more to the story...You should try to establish a relationship with him...Ask questions....Find a way to over come your bitterness. You may regret it if you don't.... Good Luck..And I wish you well

Answer 5

I think you need to separate the relationship issue from the money issue. Child support is an issue for your mother and father to worry about. Having said that, I think you should think about getting to know your father. One of the hard things about relationships is that you never know how to do it right. Your father is not the same person he was when he chose to leave. And you are not the same person you were. You have opinions and feelings and you need to makr your father hear those. You have questions you should be able to ask, even if he doesn't answer. My father left when I was ten. I didn't see him or talk to him until I was 19 and that was only because I went to where he lived. It didn't go well. He didn't want to see me because he wasn't the man I had known when I was young. I told him he didn't get to make my decisions anymore. The point is, I tried to reach out to him but he still didn't want me. When he died he died alone and I felt sorry for him. But, I didn't mourne his death because I had let him go many years before. You need to be able to either create a relationship between you or you need to be able to let go of the relationship completely. It's not easy but you have to do things for YOUR future not because of HIS past.

Answer 6

My son and daughter were 3 years and 18 months. My ex wife kept them from me for 13 years. I didnt pay child support cuz they were hidden from me. Whne my son was 15, his mom found me and called me up and told me that Our son needed his father. My son came to live with me and i found that he had basically been programmed to hate me. But my love for him was not a question here, I will always love my kids......Your father probably is in a similar situation. Dont be dismissing things you dont know for sure. Your guy instinct tells you one thing (and you may be right) but your gut instinct isnt the whole story. I think I'd be a bit forgiving and find out one day for yourself if your dad deserves another chance,....Dont let your guard down but dont be so "judgemental just yet".....really,....you might find that the truth is stranger than fiction......... by the way, you write really well for a 16 year old.

Answer 7

I came home on leave from the Marines in 1986 and seen my father. 20 years later I remember that day as it was the last time I seen him. So even though I am older, I know what you feel. I have tried to see him and let him meet his grandchildren but he always has an excuse not too. I continue to give him the chance. I live far away and still give him the opportunity. Second chances are always worth it.

Answer 8

I have the same situation as you, I am also 16 years old, and have only seen my dad a handful of times. I dont think your dad deserves your relationship unless he is sincere about being a good father, and turing his life around. 14 years is too long of a time to not be a father.

Answer 9

I am 22 years old and my real dad told me personally when I was 7 that I wasn't his daughter anymore. I haven't seen him since. I hope and pray everyday, that one day he will want to get to know me. I can imagine that it will be very hard. Take your time. If you don't at least try, you will probably regret it later. Good luck.

Answer 10

Talk to him, otherwise you might always have something going up in the back of mind which will never make you calm. I know, everyone needs a father.