My ex husband's brother is a couple years younger than he is. My ex isn't really on speaking terms with his brother. But I don't want to make him mad and he trys to take my kids away. Help.
2006-06-13 10:58:46 · 55 answers · asked by goodlookin.mama 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
On Jerry Springer!!! What are you messing around with the brother for? There have got to be more men than that. Stop climbing this family tree!!
2006-06-13 10:59:53 · answer #1 · answered by Beardog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course he loves u deeply thats why he is mad with his brother,maybe he is not perfect to give u want u expect. This, u have to teach him. What re lovers for afterall? If u love his bro and u think he loves too as well, Re u sure he is not using cos h e is jealous of ur husband who married u and he(ur husband´s br) is still single? How re u sure he is not seeing another person? How long do u think this marraige will last? Do u know that u can know if a man really loves a woman after 2 yrs of marraige? Pls be very careful, Ure comming btw blood brothers. Blood is thicker than water. U might let ur X do what he never tended to do.Marriage is bond of mystry not a boy friend and girl friend thing. If ure sure u know the meaning of love and this is Mr right for u, what re u waiting for? Simply take ur X to a good restaurant,or a nice place where there re PEOPLE so he doesnt loose his temper and hurt u. remind him of all the funny and nice times u had together. Make sure he is laughing. Then tell him the things u like and the ones u dont like.Ask him what he expects from his ideal woman.Tell him where he messed up and how u think its not going to work for u guys. Let him know u love him but that u have seen ur ideal man. Let him know that u dont want quarell btw the brothers and u dont want to hurt him but this is ur life, U need to be happy and not caged. Tell him he is still ur friend. If he goes crazy, dont go, stay their to hear all his bitter part and dont hate him for that or take it personal.Dont cry. Dont say Ure sorry. Try to be cheerful even if it hurts so much.Make sure u kiss him deeply b4 u part. U can kiss him half way of the talk b4 u break the news. Look before u leap. Good Luck!!!
2006-06-13 11:31:43 · answer #2 · answered by lovingarrows 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What in the heck did you do! First rule of dating the SIBS are off limits. Oh well, First DO NOT have the brother tell him this you need to tell him. Tell it to him straight don't beat around the bush...after all he is your ex-husband. Well, that the best advice i can give you. Be ready for some unfriendly looks from family members, and possibly a fued between brothers. Even though your his ex-wife he's still going to have a big problem with his brother being with you. However, I think in time (I don't know HOW much time) he will come to forgive you both. Good luck
2006-06-13 11:04:43 · answer #3 · answered by treasure60504 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't. That is absolutely a NO NO!! You do not marry the brother of you ex-husband. You don't touch him for matter. Have you completely lost your mind. You are scaring your kids for life. If I was your ex-husband that is the first thing I would do is come get my kids out of that Hell you are trying to create. Girlfriend, find you another man to love you. I think this brother is only doing that to get back at his brother for whatever reason. Don't be no Fool
Friendly advice from BlaqueButterfli :0
2006-06-13 11:07:00 · answer #4 · answered by BlaqueButterfli 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, first, do you have legal counsel for the issue with the kids?
Some things to think about:
How far away does your ex live?
How often does he see the kids?
How long (apart from the whole ex issue) have you been with the younger brother?
Are you sure you want a permanent relationship with him?
Does the ex know you're dating the brother?
As a child of divorced parents, I beg you, please think about your kids.
Including the importance of legal counsel, I cannot stress the kid thing enough.
I simple talk over the phone might be the best (as long as he already knows you guys are dating). This gives him time to get used to the shock.
Are you inviting him to the wedding?
Unless life suddenly becomes heaven, I wouldn't.
2006-06-13 11:04:10 · answer #5 · answered by Dante 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to be honest with your ex. There is no way to sugar coat that you are marrying his brother. Tell him whats going on and be honest about it. You are getting married - so as far as your kids go I don't think you can have your kids taken away for getting married to your husband's brother.
2006-06-13 11:01:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. This is a serious situation, and there's no easy answer. You'll probably get a lot of flack about your situation, but we don't always choose with whom we connect. Your relationship is valid, and with some work and consideration, things can work out.
I'd say that you should talk to your family and surround yourself with some supporters. Get a neutral person (someone both you and your ex respect, and preferably someone who your ex will not want to misbehave in front of) and go talk to him. Acknowledge his feelings (there's no way he won't feel betrayed), explain your feelings for his brother, and ask for his support of your relationship. Chances are he still cares for you and wants you to be happy. Eventually he will probably deal with his own feelings and come around to a grudging acceptance of what is.
Unfortunately, there's no way to keep this a secret, not that you should. The only way to share bad news is quickly, professionally, and in a non-threatening environment. After that, you should offer time and space for him to come to terms with this complicated issue.
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers,
~Tia~
2006-06-13 11:09:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The long term answer is: educate your self on Radical Honesty and Non-violent Communication.
But the brief answer is: be radically honest in a loving and compassionate way. Allow him to feel angry or sad. And ask him to share what he is feeling. Ask him what his needs and feelings. Let him express himself even if it is not pretty. The truth is that it will probably hurt...alot.
Remember in the process that you can never know what he is feeling. So don't say things like, I know you must be feeling xyz or I know how you feel.
You can't avoid hurting him, so face his pain compassionately through extending a listening attention that is loving.
When you can allow him the space to be honest about his feelings about life, you give yourself the same gift. Be honest with him about the way you feel about his brother.
2006-06-13 11:08:14 · answer #8 · answered by tarabianca 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
straightforward and to the point, he's going to find out eventually. As long as you are a good mom, don't worry about the kids. He would have to prove you unfit. Marrying his brother does not make you unfit. It will however make all family functions very awkward for everyone involved.
2006-06-13 11:01:56 · answer #9 · answered by teelynn35 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can wait till the kids thing is settled, I would do that. You don't want him to have any additional ammunition for the courts. As far as the fact that you fell in love with his brother, there is nothing you can do about controlling your love. I wish you luck.
2006-06-13 11:02:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋