Dont ant to hear silly jokes , tell me a true story . Be it embarrasing or funny. Make me smile!
2006-06-13 10:52:28 · 14 answers · asked by Nice but Dim 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
On my stag night (20 yrs ago) me and my "mates" went to Barcelona for (what i thought) was 4 days. Now because i was not to be trusted with my own money, passport etc, it was all looked after for me. Got to the airport, there was 5 of us, my mates got in one cab , i got in the other on my own..BIG mistake. Got to the hotel no sign of my chums , there was a message waiting for me, i read it and was told that one night was paid for at this hotel and i was left about £5. My task was to find my mates by the next day as we were (unknown to me) flying to Amsterdam the next day. Anyway i found the sods and boy did they pay!!!
2006-06-13 11:10:08 · answer #1 · answered by Taffy Comp Geek 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋
so there i was in the middle of class it was Hot out time almost stood still(well it felt like that any way i thought a paper ball at my friend than the whole class started throwing stuff at me and i farted and it was funny.
Kiss the Cabbie
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that. But first, you have to be single and you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley, "maybe we will see what we can do."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
2006-06-13 17:57:24 · answer #2 · answered by hunter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
11 years old.... I was home alone, in my room. It was maybe a month after the July 4th. I still had alot of firecrackers left over and I was gonna go outside and "do damage". I thought about all the Bugs Bunny cartoons I had seen and I took a Roman Candle, lit the fuse and licked my fingers to "pinch the fuse out" like they do on the cartoons. I thought that the fuse had gone out because I saw white smoke coming from in between my fingers. It hurt.... I looked at the my fingers and they looked like they were flame broiled, like a Burger King Whopper. I was in shock and ran out of my room, down the hall with a Roman Candle blowing all types of colors on the ceiling and dropping on the carpet, putting char marks everywhere. I was more embarrased than worried that I would get in trouble. Hope it was funny!
2006-06-13 18:12:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol ok its not my story but w/e lol
A Day in Hell
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...
Demon: Why so glum chum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great.
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.
Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh no.
Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.
The Bar Story
This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! -- made a mess hitting all over the ground. Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says "Superman, you can be a real ------- when you're drunk!"
i found this online >.<
2006-06-13 17:59:56 · answer #4 · answered by michelleee♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know a lad called Dave who's got 2 holes in his willy. And he thought this was normal until he was 18. He came out of the pub toilet, where all his friends were sitting and said "I just wee-ed out of the wrong hole", There was a slight pause for a moment then we said "what the f*ck are you on about?" He said "You know, the hole you gizz out of, well I've just wee-ed out of it". Slight pause again then "WHAT???"
He continued "well, you know how you've got 2 holes in the end of your dick?" This time there was a much longer pause then "NO!!!"
After a very long discussion and several trips to the toilet to look at Dave's willy, we found out that Dave did indeed have 2 holes in the end of his willy and thought this was the norm. He assumed 1 was for peeing and the other for, let say, making babies. He soon got the nick name "shotgun" and had a trip to the Doctors which was even funnier. But that's another story. Hoped you liked that. It made me laugh.
2006-06-13 18:20:13 · answer #5 · answered by tom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our boss thought that, since we work with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet. After we contacted a fast food chain's web site and spent a long time registering as new customers for the delivery service, a message appeared on the screeen: "Thank you for your business. You will be able to order food in three days."
2006-06-13 18:04:25 · answer #6 · answered by Robert B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i once got drunk and was busting for a wee so i went to a very dark corner of a car park and squatted down with relief, the next minute, i was jumping in the air in pain. i had squatted on a stinging nettle! it was so embarrassing as i had a guy griend waiting for me. man did he look confused!
2006-06-13 21:33:16 · answer #7 · answered by crophilia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sis waz playin chickin in da pool w/h me, my bff,and her bf.
Of course she was on her bf's solider, and i was on my bff's. Well, she was on her period, and when she got knocked over, the water started to turn red(her face did, too). When we got out we noticed that her bf had a HUGE red blotch on his neck!!! Me and my bff laughed like crazy! When he noticed and found out, he never swam w/h her again. Because of that, she broke up with him!! I laughed at that, because she still liked him(she's so stupid >:P), and she got mad. i think it's funny, u might not....
2006-06-13 18:02:57 · answer #8 · answered by Monkey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I peed my pants once when I was 19 at a party. Then I poured Coke all over myself so I wouldn't smell like pee.
2006-06-13 17:56:00 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ tajo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was once asked to rewind the dvd we had been watching and i spent 10 minutes looking for the rewind button..................DOH
cant believe im telling people this!!! omg......im a sad cow huh
2006-06-13 17:57:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋