should i allow my 15 year old daughter to steady date a 17 year old boy?

Question

I have a 15 year old daughter, and all of the sudden she came home one night and announced that she had a boyfriend. They spend at least two hours on the phone at night and spend time together every friday and saturday night. It turns out that this boy is 17 years old, two years older than her. I have talked with this boy before, and he seems to be on the right track in life. They seem to be getting very serious, as they say they are "in love". Once i overheard her tell him that she couldn't live without him. Does the age difference matter? Is he using her for sex? Is this just a crush?

Answer 1

Yes, the age difference is huge at this point because if they move into the physical realm, it is possibly already statutory rape or it will be with in a year. This is just a crush because I can guarantee they have no idea what love is like. I would say it is ok for her to date, but only with your supervision, unless you want to be taking care of your daughter's child while she finishes high school.

Answer 2

Yes. Two years isn't that overwhelming, especially when it comes to the ages of 15 and 17. There are many things to consider when making this decision.
1.) What is the age difference between you and her father?
2.) You've met the boy. This shows that both your daughter and her boyfriend aren't sneaking around and being stupid.
3.) It is NOT illegal for 16/18 to have sex in some states. It's also NOT illegal in any state for someone of legal age to date someone younger. It isn't statutory rape if there is no sex.
4.) Do you trust your daughter?
5.) Is your daughter going to abstain until marriage?

There are many others, but this is truly a decision you, your husband, and your daughter need to talk about together. No two 15/17 year old couples are alike.

Answer 3

First of all hang in there ok. Next, PREECH NO SEX, UNTIL MARRIAGE. Rather they listen to it or not atleast hold em off as LOOOONG as u can ok. And finally, i dont think having a bf is such a bad thing in high school. Makes dances less easier to worrie about and it might be a good experiment. I wish no one heartbreak but it seems like the average person atleast goes throuh it once. The sooner its over with, the better right? If your daughter contunes to do well in school, stay away from drugs and the wrong crowd and remains respectful then why not give her a little PUPPY LOVE freedom? Especially if she only sees him on the weekend. Only thing im concerned about is when he becomes 18 and their relations becomes statutory rape. Sounds gut awful. And whe nhes away from her and in college perhaps and see them 20's women, we both know what can happen. Wish your daughter a healthy & happy relationship but tell her about the "what if's."

Just keep your eye out and make sure she doesnt indulge too much into him where she does nothing else. ok. Hate to say it but most likely it'll end in time. There are special cases called "highschool sweethearts" tho.

take care hun

Answer 4

Okay, speaking as a 16 year old. She's going to continue seeing him no matter what you try to do or say. trust me, you could lock her up like rapunzel and she'd still find a way. 2 years is not that big of a difference. Trust me. If he was like 25 that would be something to be worried about. If he seems like a good kid, let it go on without intervening. I doubt he's using her for sex from the way you describe him. Just talk to your daughter about being safe. & all that good stuff. & then stay out of it. Parents don't realize it but usually they make it worse by getting in the middle. You're daughter should be fine. I'm sure you raised her right.

Answer 5

no its not a big age difference

my high school sweetheart & i dated when i was 14 & he was 16. we have been together ever since. & the first few years or our relationsip we did not have sex.

we were in love but we knew the consequences of sex & pregnancy. u say he seems to be on the right track in life. so y not?

& when she announced she had a bf did u say anything or tell her to stop seeing him? no u didnt & u let them continue dating. so it would be unfair of u to let her date and then all of a sudden take that priviledge away from her.

plus imagine how bad she would feel if she had to dump him. research shows that its possible to be in love at as young as 10. majority of teenage relationships are just based on infatuation but there are many out there who are really in love. he may not only be after sex. he may truly love her. it is possible.

if u are worried that she & her bf may end up becoming sexually active, talk to her & talk about protection. u cant control whether shes going to have sex or not. no matter how much parents try they cant control it! (unless they tie their child to a pole)

if u trust your daughter, u will let her date this guy. at this age teenagers are emotional & look to their peers & friends for comfort. teen dating is a wonderful thing & it should be fun & safe. i dont believe in not letting your child date. They will end up confused & frustrated especially if they see that their friends' parents allow their children to date. they will grow to be angry with u & not turn to u for help or comfort anymore.

i talked to a parent once & i asked if they allowed their teenager to date. she said yes because she knows teens will date whether ot not their parents say they can or cant.

trust me, teenagers will find a way too see their bf/gf. & i also think that if u do not allow ur daughter to date, she wll continue seeing her bf behind ur back & because she cant see him as often anymore (because u dont allow her to date), whenever they DO get to see each other they will try to make the most of their time together. & possibly have sex. if u let ur daughter date, she will not feel pressured to do everything she possibly can with her bf when she sees him because she knows she will be able 2 c him another day.

do u undertsand what i mean?
there is no right or wrong age to be dating. it depends on the teen's maturtiy level. there could be a 17 year old not mature enoough to date & a 13 year old who is.

but she is your daughter & i hope u do whats best. good luck 2 u :)

Answer 6

Remembering back to when I was 15 I dated a guy who was 2 years older then myself. I turned out OK. I did not marry him. We broke up when he went off to college after he was there for a few months. Yes, we were in love too. You have to remember girls are more mature then the boys their own age so they are naturally attracted to older boys. You are wise to be concerned. Keep an eye on what they do and keep talking to her about the behavior you expect from her and keep the lines of communication open. Don't do anything to push her away or to force her to clam up. As far as using her for sex any guy of any age could be using her for that so I don't know that his age would have any thing to do with that I would look to his character for that answer and sometimes even the sweetest boys have the worst intentions. This is probably her first love and when it is over she will be crushed but she will get over it and move on. The next guy will be very lucky to have her as she will have had the experience of love and will have grown from it!!!

Answer 7

As someone who was once 15 and dated a 17 year old, let them do it. There is nothing that you can really do to stop her, and at least if you allow it you know that they are not sneaking around behind your back trying to keep secrets. Don't worry too much about it, just make sure that your daughter has all the right info from you as far as birth control, std's, etc. in case they do decide to go down that path. You are a good mom to be concerned!

Answer 8

I don't think it's a huge difference in age, so you're somewhat safe on this issue. I think your best best is to spend more time with BOTH the kids, drive around with them, go to restaurants, movies. Since you say you feel the boy is headed in the right track, this is really something that you as a parent must definitely be aware of.

When he turns 18, things will be different, he will be considered an adult, and even laws might be in effect depending on where you live. Statutory rape is a serious offense, that he would have on his record at a young age. Maybe he'll move on to college, but as soon as he turns 18, it might be hard for them to understand, but it may be for the best of both of them.

Definitely have a chat with your daughter and tell her that as soon as he hits 18, you will have to reconsider depending on their maturity and whatever other factors you see coming along the road.

She's young, but get to know her as a woman who dates, and if her mind is steady, then you can relax. Definitely "I can't live without you" is something said out of infatuation, so even if it ends, you know she CAN go on, and live her life. Make sure she keeps those grades up!

Answer 9

15 may seem very young but alot of sophmores and freshman in highschool tend to date juniors and seniors. It's good that you talked to the boy already but the main thing is u have to talk to your daughter. You really shouldn't hold her back because i know couples who started dating around that age who are still together today and right now i'm 18. Don't hold her back from experincing her young love it might end up breaking her heart but thats how all girls learn.

Just talk to her about sex and it's risks because 15 is way to young to be getting involved in sexual activities. there is a great quote "a girl can fake an orgasium but a guy can fake a releationship" and it can be very true. There great liers but i think you said this one has good intensions.

Just keep an eye out but please let her life to experince this young love. Cause those are really the only ones that stay in are minds forever.

Answer 10

the girl should have her freedom. Even if you don't allow her to date him, she's still going to find a way to talk to him and stuff. I would recommend that you watch over them to make sure nothing goes wrong. NEVER leave them alone in a room together!

They might be in love. I believe true love can come at different ages since I know a few people that are married and were high school lovers, and they are living a happy marriage. (they were also at different ages like him and her)

Just supervise them a bit. AGE IS JUST A NUMBER! If you watch over them, nothing bad will happen.

You should also talk to your daughter about sex, and if she does have sex, to use good protection. Let her know she can talk to you for anything!

Answer 11

I would try talking calmly and lovingly with your daughter.

Interesting terminology you used "allow my 15 year old daughter."

My advice to you, without knowing the maturity of the two people involved, is to not make sure you don't push her so far away that she runs to him. At 15 many girls already have a sense of self and problems with parents.


Try talking to her in a non-confrontational way. Ask about him as if you truly want to know about him as a person, not as if her defense of him will decide whether he stays or goes.

Make sure your daughter knows your beliefs on sexuality and anything you expect.

For example, if you say you won't help her raise a child, you might force her into lover-boy's arms.

What do you believe? Be open, honest, and ready to listen.

Try treating your daughter as just what she is: somewhere in that crazy space between child and adult.

Respect her but inform her about your responsibilities as her parents.

Let her know you love her.