The other day he showed signs of possible physical abuse I have a huge bruise on my arm. I've been thinking divorce but he's threatened me if I divorce him I will be "sorry". Any advice would be greatly appreciated from anyone.
2006-06-13 10:43:53 · 29 answers · asked by sweetnsour 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Probably not as sorry as you'll be if you stay.
Staying now, will be like just telling him, 'Yes, it's just fine to beat me.'.
He will not ever respect you again. Leave.
2006-06-13 10:46:19 · answer #1 · answered by babyitsyou31 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said possible abuse. Where did the bruise come from? Threating violence for leaving?Verbal /Emotional abuse?I have a feeling you know what you need to do.I don't know you or your spouse but I've seen these things before. Sometimes people have bad tempers and the explode in a second. Sometimes the tension builds over problems over a period of time. Either way everyone man woman or child has the responsiblity to control their anger. I would suggest to you that you never let another person grab or touch you in anyway out of angry. If your relationship has gotten to the point of pysical violence then its time to make some changes. I have a feeling you love this person or you would have already left a long time ago. So here is your choices plan and simple go get marriage counseling and anger managment counseling immediately or go to the nearest abuse center or womens center with all your most important papers license, checkbook,passport,credit cards and cash and leave this situation while you still can alive. If you don't make a change one way or another its your fault and you can't blame anyone but yourself. You have the control now. You can make a change.
2006-06-13 11:10:16 · answer #2 · answered by El Mexicano 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are definitely in an abusive relationship. I was "stuck" in one for 13 years and finally was able to get out of it. The first thing you need to do is find a place to go and contact the police. Take photos of your arm, make a report. Get a restraining order on him (you can still have one if you are married) and be sure to record EVERYTHING! If he calls, don't answer so he has to leave a message. If he shows up, call the police. Threats are to be reported. I would definitely file for divorce. Even if you're Christian and don't think divorce is right, Jesus states that if it's a volatile relationship you CAN divorce. Your life could be in danger if you stay; get out now and live another day!!!
2006-06-13 10:49:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation.
I do not believe that divorce is a bad thing, especially if their is ANY kind of abuse. Get a restraning order before you do anything (just to be on the safe side.)
I think yes, you need to leave him. When he's gone at work or anywhere else for a long period of time: Pack you stuff and GO.
If you don't, things will NEVER get better: only worse, for you.
2006-06-13 10:58:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you never tell him that you are going to divorce him especially if hes showing signs of physical abuse. I been there so I know. What you do you find a save place that you can stay with family or some trusted friend. Then you make plans. Then you pack your stuff and while hes at work you take off. And pretend that nothing is going own even being nice to him. Because what he did to your arm is the first sign of abuse. Because he has no right to touch you in that manner at all.
2006-06-13 11:08:59 · answer #5 · answered by Twilight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really hard. It is easy for others to say just get out, but I am sure you have feelings for him or you wouldn't be with him. I wonder if you have children. If so, they have to be your top priority. Do you really want them growing up to think that his behavior is acceptable? I would suggest that you really start analyzing your options. If he has hurt you once, what is going to keep him from doing it again. I have also always heard that once they start the verbal abuse, physical follows. Protect yourself, consider if he does it again what your plan of action will be. There is usually a women and childrens shelter that can give you some advice and the options for your area. Best wishes.
2006-06-13 10:52:47 · answer #6 · answered by Trish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He did not even know you that well 4yrs ago and now he is in love with you, I think your smarter than that. He is lonely and not really willing to work on his marriage for whatever reasons believe me when he chose her he told her all these same wonderful things now look where there headed. I would not get involved immediately with a guy who has decided to divorce but has not even moved out of the home he shares with his wife. When they divorce I would still wait because all those lovey, dovey feelings he is oozing at you may change. Sometimes people are so afraid they will express feelings that they want to have but genuinely do not feel. He is attracted to you because you are available and this is a very scary time in his life. You seem like a smart woman who has her head on straight wait and see how things pan out before you get in the middle of a mess....
2016-03-15 03:48:56 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I stayed in an abusive marriage for 13 yrs. I'm in the process of getting a divorce and I go to domestic violence classes plus individual counseling.
GET OUT! GET HELP! I don't mean to shout but just do it!
Especially if you have kids. I do and I got out for my kids and myself. No one deserves to be abused!!!! hang in there!
2006-06-13 11:09:32 · answer #8 · answered by PAMELASUE3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out fast, any way you can, counseling will not help an abuser. If he just left one bruise this time, the next will be worse. He will say he's sorry and he loves and won't doi it again, but they all do eventually, find someone you trust completely to listen, and help you find the help you need.
2006-06-13 10:48:26 · answer #9 · answered by teelynn35 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try counselling together because he sounds as though he has emotional problems and are taking it on on you and normally those things start from in the past like childhood sometimes but be aware with the statement he made and try to spend time preferbably a safe distance away from him without him thinking you maybe want to run away but if counseling doesn't help or he doesn't agree to it or other methods maybe it is best to divorce because living in a threating marriage can be awful.
2006-06-13 10:49:28 · answer #10 · answered by pudding heart 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A woman's abuse hotline to get some immediate help would be the first step I would take. If you truely want to work with him on your marriage, you can't start until you are safe.
2006-06-13 10:50:22 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋