my missus has cheated on me three times hat i know of. She says that it because i dont say you look nice etc. Ive never cheated on her but she recently told me it had happened again? weve got two kids one is supposed to be mine and i love her to bits but i doubt that im the father, what should i do? Stay or go and ask for a DNA ? Ive never cheated on her
2006-06-13 10:11:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
run mate
2006-06-13 10:39:48 · answer #1 · answered by catherinemeganwhite 5 · 7⤊ 4⤋
Tough one...
If you love the child, you could apply for parental responsibility (you would then have rights to visitation, etc)... Get the DNA test, if you can really deal with the two possible answers - I mean would it really change anything, and how would she (your "daughter") feel?
You have a choice in the marriage. Try to forgive and go to counselling, or move on an do the best you can for yourself and the children.
Word of caution. Not sure where you live, but in the UK adultery only counts as grounds for divorce if you apply within 6 months of the last act - otherwise it is deemed forgiven.
Good Luck!!
2006-06-13 22:00:59 · answer #2 · answered by Aidy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Steve
If your wife is cheating because you aren't affectionate, loving or verbally demonstrative like she claims, then be these things.
If she cheats again then you know that this is not the real reason.
You need to know what the reason is in order to put it right.
She may cheat because:
She needs to prove to herself that she is attractive
She is bored with her life and affairs give her a thrill
She does not love you and is searching for someone to love, but keeping you as a safetynet / provider
Right now she is either
taking you for granted and is riding roughshod over your feelings. or
she is so frustrated with your inability to demonstrate your love in a away she can feel it that she is trying to provoke some reaction in you (I say this because she told you that she had been unfaithful)
The difficulty is that the more you demonstrate how much you care for someone who takes you for granted, the more they take you for granted. The only way to be more attractive to them is to withdraw your love and support.
However, if you withdraw from someone who is misbehaving because they need more reassurance from you then obviously you make matters worse.
So, my advice is
1) be incredibly loving for 1 month - if your wife changes, problem solved if not go to step 2
2) be distant, suddenly seem more interested in other things, act as though you may be being unfaithful or interested in someone else, i.e. unexplaned absences/lateness, start hiding your phone etc - if your wife changes then hopefully you'll continue to feel less of a victim in the relationship and she will respect/love you more if not go to step 3
3) counselling, have some couples therapy and if things have not improved after a period recommended by the professional then unfortuantely Steve you have got to move on.
Don't let her destroy you. You are no doubt a fabulous bloke - unfortuanately some people need more attention than any one person can give them......
2006-06-13 10:35:58 · answer #3 · answered by del-d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you feel about her cheating? I am only asking because it seems to be a regular occurence, and you are still with her. If it is something that hurts or upsets you I would expect it to change, so you should find your way out of the relationship. On the issue with the children, how long have you been "Dad" and do you love them? If not, then get the DNA test for proof.
2006-06-13 11:36:32 · answer #4 · answered by tallandready2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whats that saying... "three strikes and your out".
3 times is not good, are they one night stands or affairs?
Us women are high maintenance but if she doesnt appreciate who you are and respect you, you havent got much to work with.
DNA would be great aslong as the child is unaware. You have to put the children first. Do whats right by you, it is easy to walk away. But if you are asking the question you probably know what you should do already.
Good Luck and stay strong.
2006-06-13 11:04:11 · answer #5 · answered by carolyn s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she has already admitted infidelity, then you already have grounds for divorce; what you have to consider is whether or not you have grounds for custody of the kids and whether or not you can afford a legal fight from her if she contests.
Whether you should leave her or not is up to you; all I'll say is that if you do leave, you have every right to.
good luck
M
2006-06-13 10:15:38 · answer #6 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go, leave.........once a cheat, always a cheat. Even if she would never cheat again, it is always going to be in the back of your mind and you will not be happy.
2006-06-13 10:15:58 · answer #7 · answered by Maymie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd go..... There is no excuse for a cheater.. Chances are the kid isn't yours.. You dont know till you find out.... Its called adultry... Likely chance it's happened more than 3 times
2006-06-13 10:15:57 · answer #8 · answered by bgood1984 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i will go for the test but meanwhile u nid to appreciate the fact that we nid to be told some nice things about ourselve lik wat u used to tell us during our courtship times,
it means some else is doing the job for you,u ve to wake up at least say things lik u look beautiful today with that scarf e.t.c even if she is not;u know wat to say but do not overdo it,if u luv her lik u say u do u will ve to go the extra mile of workin on ursef and remem that we also ve feeliins that nid to be nourished.
2006-06-13 10:21:29 · answer #9 · answered by mimi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GO. Run like the wind. DNA yes.
2006-06-13 10:14:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes get one it will tell you how far the lies go back. then you will know if its right for you still to be with it sorry her
2006-06-13 10:15:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋