I have been with my boyfriend for four years and he is leaving to another country in August to go to grad school. He wants to do the long distance thing, but everyone is telling me that if we are not engaged by the time he leaves, to not continue the relationship and move on. I do love him, but it seems like everything is on his terms. I am just fustrated becasuse we have been through a lot and he says he wants to marry me, but I don't want to wait too much longer. He wants me to move to the country he is going to, but I don't want to unless I have a stronger commitment from him. HELP!
2006-06-13 10:07:44 · 11 answers · asked by vegasbaby21679 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am not so sure about the advice you are getting from everyone about getting engaged before he leaves. I don't think that is good advise at all. In fact, I'm living proof that that is not true. Before I married my wife, we had been in a long distance relationship. Now, many years later, including 18 years of marriage, we have proven "everyone" wrong!
There is a special dedication with long distance relationships, and I think that people give up very quickly with them, because of various fears. My thought is, that if you have to go through motions of getting engaged because he's going away, you're doing it for the wrong reason. Trust is something that you give, and this is what you must give to him if this relationship is to work (and he to you). Truly, why the need for a "stronger" commitment? Engagements break off, marriages dissolve, etc. If it works, it works ... if it doesn't, it won't. No ring, ceremony, or stonger commitment will reinforce the heart of lovers, because Love is beyond these things, and creates the rings, ceremonies and commitments. Love one another, with all of the goodness in your hearts, and you may be suprised at what comes from it. I was not suprised ... I knew that I was going to marry my wife ... my only fear is that she would say no. As you can see, it didn't stop me from asking. 18 years, and going strong, through tough times, sure, but we are doing it. So can you guys! May God work another miracle for you and your future husband (yes, I believe marriage is one of God's greatest blessings ... a miracle indeed)!
Good luck!
2006-06-13 10:34:59 · answer #1 · answered by Earl G 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would say if you really love this person, to give the long distance a chance. Most likely it will not work out but this is just reality, as I have been in a few long distance relationships. I'm not saying they all haven't worked but it takes a lot more work than if you were to both see each other everyday. I also would not move to another country unless you are both very committed because in the end, you will probably be the one to get hurt. But it also seems like your young, possibly in college or just graduated, and there are so many good people out there. Maybe you let him go to the other country and if it was meant to be you guys will connect when he returns. Hope this helps.
2006-06-13 17:15:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My relationship is a long distance one, we're continents apart, and yet thanks to email and webcam we're able to keep it going as strong as when it began, sure the loneliness is horrible at times but if you truly care then you shouldn't break it off because of what other people say. Most people will say it's not worth it because they don't know what it's like. I would say you should keep the relationship going and do what your heart tells you. In the end i think, it'll be worth it. And let him know that you want a stronger commitment from him and see what he says about it, because moving to new country is a very big step so be sure he's all in. And goodluck with your relationship!
2006-06-13 17:15:31 · answer #3 · answered by Ryan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sincerely do not believe in long distance relationships.
Either you love each other and want to be with one another the rest of your lives or you should go your
separate ways.
To me, these kinds of relationships are very rocky.
Good Luck though and Have a Happy Life
2006-06-25 14:18:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
No long distance relationships don't work unless you have the time and money to make it work.
2006-06-25 12:09:48 · answer #5 · answered by babyashlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told him what you told us? If not, you should tell him. Also, everything shouldn't be on his terms. If that's the way it is now, it's not going to change if you get married and you will soon tire of everything being on his terms.
2006-06-25 02:30:47 · answer #6 · answered by Samba Queen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Duh. His top priority is grad school and making a career. If he has never made a commitment in 4 years time to let it go. I wouldn't have waited 2 years.
2006-06-13 17:15:28 · answer #7 · answered by singlemom1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I loved my long time relationship because he was so far away
He live's in perris,ca. it did'nt workout for us because he cheated
On me back then.so now we are just friend's and he is moving
Back to Tx.
2006-06-24 04:09:52 · answer #8 · answered by wendi_timney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes and no
my husband and I met online in 1999...broke up in 2001...back together in 2002...married in 2003...he lived in the UK at the time and it was hard as hell sometimes...give it a go...
2006-06-13 17:12:35 · answer #9 · answered by Jessi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with Earl G whole heartedly
2006-06-25 11:28:37 · answer #10 · answered by browneyedgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋