Why is it so hard for a black professional woman to find a mature, educated black man, or any race of male?

Question

who fits those qualities? I live in MI near Detroit, and the quality is down right horrible, I am nearing 30 and am thinking of moving just to have a chance of finding a husband...why do I have to go through that extreme

just to have a decent convo with a male that doesn't act like he is 18, or have some other "major" issue?

Answer 1

You know I feel your pain. I really do. However, I am going to make a few suggestions. One: attitude. If you have the attitude that you aren't going to find someone, then you probably won't. Two: looking for things to be wrong. Instead of thinking, what is wrong with this guy, try looking for what is right. And those are my positivisms for today.

Now that I got that out of the way, I have to say that dating sucks. I can't really blame it all on the men but a lot of it has to do with their shortcomings. Can't really speak on all men in this area because I know a few women who are happily married. But I have seen my share of heartbreak personally and through friends and family. I hear a lot about men being intimidated. I just don't understand that. If you have an attractive woman who is fun to be with who just happens to be successful, why would that intimidate you. That sounds like insecurity instead of intimidation.

I know you and you are not intimidating so I can't really see that as an answer. However, I am not sure if moving is the right choice. Not for that reason anyway. My sister friends all over the country, black and white, seem to be having the same problem.

Answer 2

Well first off, Black professional woman could mean many things. Second, mature educated black man in detroit is even tougher, MAture? in detroit the avaerage age of death for a black man is 27, and the educated ones have left. Now the any race of male, that is just odd, I don't even understand what that means. I suggest batting for the other team, try a turn at the taco, you might find it's better than a man anyway.

Answer 3

This is not an easy question, but here goes. Like anything, the situation could be that you may be putting too much effort into where you are and who is there. It sounds like you are a successful person. There may be other things that you could put this energy towards, like spiritual improvement or maybe another career. Another question would be, if you did find this person would you be ready for what this person looks like. Success comes in many forms, shapes and sizes. If you do decide to move, please let there be more than just this reason to do so.

Answer 4

I am a black male and I would like to answer your question if I may. You have two things going for you that are intimidating to males of any race. You are female and you are black. You are obviously educated, driven, and are not going to "settle" for just anybody. You must aknowledge, and please be brutally honest here, that many black men are intimidated because you are educated beyond many black men and will be considered by many as "trying to be white. The educated middle income black males like myself are intimidated because you may leave us if we don't measure up. You will have the means and the ability to do so. Secondly, you are seemingly to be taking our job from us. I, for one, would not be intimidated as I too am striving to leave the stereotype in the city and just be a good man doing a good job in a difficult time in our history. It has to start somewhere. Can it not be with us? You will find a good man. Don't settle and don't lower yourself. Be proud, be humble, and be the Queen that you know you are.

Answer 5

I think that main reason women find it hard to find a suitable mate is that they try to hard. The best thing to do is to join some clubs or groups that interest you , it'll be tough because most women don't like to venture beyond their comfort zone. Its in that setting that I believe you will find someone to have a friendship with and perhaps a realtionship. The bar scene is a worse place because as a man we just go thier looking for easy *** and not a g/f or a wife...

Answer 6

I don't why it is so hard for you to find a mate, but I do happen to know a black professional man that is having the same problem. At least, my professor does. He's about 36, single, and the SWEETEST man in the world. Very educated and polite, yet still single. He wonders the same thing. Maybe you should move to Kansas.... :)

Answer 7

Sometimes it does take a move to better your chances at the life you want and need. Unfortunately many people in larger cities love to relish in the stereotypes. I had to move to Texas to better my children's opportunity in life due to the massive celebration of gangs and crime in So Cal. It is been the last place on earth I thought I would end up moving to, but we can afford to live in an affluent neighborhood, education is revered, and family is the most important thing. You might try looking elsewhere for you dream.

Answer 8

What are you expecting? If your expectations are to high, you will never find one. Do the have to be professional? How about an guy who works for an hourly wage? One that GOES TO WORK AND COMES HOME TIRED EVERYDAY? A construction worker? Custodian? I am not saying lower your expections, but these type of gentlemen(myself included) are having the same problem. Women like you wouldn't stoop to lower yourself to date one of us. We are the ones you might want to take a look at.

Answer 9

Part of it is Detroit. People -- especially those that are well educated and have the means to -- have been fleeing Detroit for decades.

Answer 10

To be honest, it could be the area you live in.

I was in the DC area for awhile, and I met MANY wonderful, educated men and more college educated black men than I'd ever met in my life.

It might be time to move if you want to marry.