Should you stay married if you aren't in love with your spouse?

Question

If you are married with children but you don't love your spouse, do you stay or leave? You aren't happy and always feel alone like you are on your own planet. I have gone to counseling, he won't come with me. We have seperated twice, only for a week at a time and have talked about divorce numerous times. He is waiting for me I guess to make the decision. If he isn't willing to get couneling, its a dead end right? Are there any other options?

Answer 1

If you look in the dictionary... Love is a verb... which makes it an action... I've been married for 27 years and there are days and sometimes longer when I don't have that special feeling for my wife.
Just remember Jesus loved us all the way to the cross..

Answer 2

if your husband is not willing to go to counseling with you then you have pretty much hit a dead end. besides if you aren't happy what is the point of sticking around? don't say it is for the kids because if your aren't happy the kids can't be either and you don't want to make your children's lives miserable along with yours. it sounds like he really wants out of the marriage but he doesn't want to be the one to make the first move because then he would look like the bad person and if the children are old enough to know what is going on he probably doesn't want them to think he is a bad parent because he wants to leave their mother. if he isn't willing the only options you have are to stay and be unhappy or go ahead and start the divorce. maybe when he sees that you aren't fooling around he might give it a second thought and try counseling but you will never know until you try!

Answer 3

Why did you two get married in the first place, if love wasn't a factor in the relationship? The whole time the both of you have been married, it has been one big lie. How could you bring children in this world without love? How could you live in a house together, knowing that The other person does not love you? I think a divorce would devastate the children...PLEASE try to work something out for the sake of your children. But you two don't deserve to be together.

Answer 4

If you've tried to work things out with counseling and nothing has changed, it's time to move on. You deserve a happy, loving relationship and as long as you keep things amicable and don't badmouth each other in front of your children, they will come out alright too. You don't say why you don't love him anymore, but regardless, everyone deserves a loving relationship. If this isn't it, move on. The same thing happened with my brother. After 7 years of marriage, he was always the one trying for counseling and trying to make things work. She cheated on him so he filed for divorce. Things were hard for him at first, but he knew he made the right decision. When you give your best effort, it's all you can do. The other person has to give their best effort as well or it just won't work. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

honey let me answer this one quick run!!!!get out while you can .its not going to get better i promise.especially when he will not make any effort.it takes two my dear and you cant dance alone!no sense in staying for kids sake cause you make them just as mesiable.they see how u act and feel and they pick up on it and in return feel the same.so why make everyones life hell just to stay in a dead end marriage that isn't going no where!i know from experience and Ive known many men and women who have done as you are trying to do.and i know hardly any that stayed tog.it seems as its always one that wants to try and the other doesn't so leave get out find another and be happy!!life is to short.if u stay i promise u will regret it especially when your old and you wish when you were younger you found another now your too old and couldn't get someone if you tried.and u die unhappy and basically alone cause in your situation you might as well say you are u don't talk no more u do your thing and he does his I'm sure so once again good advice and i hope you take it get out!!you will be SO glad you did!

Answer 6

If you are not in love with your spouse and you have tried everything you can think of to try to make it work there is no reason to stay and if you are fighting all the time then it is really unhealthy for both of you and the children don't wait on him to make your decisions if your not happy then just go

Answer 7

I think you know the answer to your own question. You need to come to terms that a loveless marriage is not healthy. What are you teaching your children? All you are doing is hurting yourself and possibly your children. It is better to get divorced now and go your separate ways. The kids will be happier in the end and not end up feeling guilty for the problems. I think in your case divorce would be best for your family.

Answer 8

I believe that you yourself should be happy before you can make others happy. It of course is a personal decision, but if it were me, and I had tried everything, I would leave. You can love someone and not be IN love with them. If he is not willing to go to counseling ,there is not much else you can do. Best of luck.

Answer 9

He is waiting for you to make the decision because he doesn't wnat you to freak out and is concern for the kids.

Do some lawyer shopping and explore your options. Get your finances together and when the times comes, you will be prepared to either face his lawyer or announce that you are going to file for divorce.

I told my ex that I wasn't happy and I know that he wasn't either. I told him that I got a lawyer and he said that he had also been talking to one. We got togther on this, and we only have to pay one lawyer since we had alerady amicably agreed on everything.

Don't wait forever because you might get the short end of the stick. Be prepared and make an educated decision by getting legal advice.

Good luck to you

Answer 10

If you don't love him, and he isn't willing to work I think it's time to go separate ways. Staying married for the children's sake is not a good thing in my opinion. My parents did that, but we felt the tension. Neither way is easy, but your happiness is very important too.