I am 23 years old and just moved in with my boyfriends of a year. We both have full time jobs and are very responsible. We really love each other and talk about spending the rest of our lives together, all the things we hope to do together. The thing is I really am not in a hurry to marry. I do want to eventually but I am working on my Masters and now isn't the time. However, my parents are having a hard time with this. My mom says that we don't have any obligations together unless we are married. Is my mom too old fashioned or am I too new-age?
2006-06-13 09:28:22 · 19 answers · asked by pirategurl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Correction:Thats one boyfriend not boyfriends. ;-)
2006-06-13 09:29:32 · update #1
Yes, it's OK. I lived with my girlfriend for 3 years before we got married. We're still together after 10 years. Living together allowed us to work out a lot of issues before getting married. Some people think marriage is a silver bullet. Living together allows you to enter marriage in a more mature, practical sense. Mom will eventually get over it.
My 2 cents.
2006-06-13 09:34:56 · answer #1 · answered by mb3698 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am 25 and I personally don't see anything wrong with it. I am also not that old fashioned, but I do have my "set ways" about certain things, as we all should. Anyway, I think as long as y'all are happy with the situation it shouldn't really matter where ya live..and shoot, better to find out now if y'all can stand to live with each other than to find out you can't after getting married. My husband and I lived together for over a year before we got married, and we've been together for almost 4 years now. Again, it's not a big deal. You'll be alright, she'll hopefully get over it. Good Luck.
2006-06-13 16:32:32 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong with your choice, you are a responsible adult and saving money on rent and utilities by living together seems sensible.
I belive your mother's concern is that if you move in with a guy, then he wouldn't wanna marry you later. Remeber the saying; "If you have the milk for free, why wanting to buy the cow?". And if things go sour down the road, you might end up homeless or losing your belongings. I see why your mother is worried, because there are no guarrantees, but there are no guarrantees to anything in life.
Good choice to stay focused in school. You are still young and you can definetly put the marriage thoughs in the back burner for now.
Good luck to you and your boyfriend.
2006-06-13 16:40:04 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have already made your mind up by what you have stated.You are already living under the same roof with your boyfriend,and you did this apparently with out the concerns of your mother,so i have to ask you why now the concern?Your mother will adjust eventually.If not,then this is something you will have to sit down and explain to her about you being in charge of your own life and that things you are doing is not to hurt others in the choices that you might make threw life.I myself use to think that you shouldn't live with anyone before marriage,but things change and now i feel that i would rather live with that person to see how it will go before marriage.Marriage is a honorable step for life and i would want to be sure that this would be the person i would want to spend the rest of my life with.This is just my opinion of course,however again,only you know how you are feeling and you are an adult with a life.So best wishes and Good Luck to you both!
2006-06-13 16:50:09 · answer #4 · answered by twjp1962 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I currently live with my boyfriend. We moved in together after dating 5 months and we have now been together for a year. We do plan on getting married, but we aren't in any hurry. I do believe it is ok to live with someone and not marry them right away. Only you and your boyfriend will know when its time to get married, not your parents, friends, other relatives, etc. They are not in control of your or your relationship, and don't let them be at any time.
2006-06-13 16:54:42 · answer #5 · answered by honey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is correct in that you don't have any obligation to each other, however, if your serious about spending the rest of your lives together the more you learn about each other upfront the better the marriage will be in the end. Living under one roof is an entire diffrent ballgame ... from being just boyfriend and girlfriend.....
2006-06-13 16:32:58 · answer #6 · answered by genger_plum 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole point of getting married, and this is from my point of view as a 32 y/o married woman of 11 years...
Is that if the man I was dating loved me enough to ask me to move in with him, he'd respect me enough to make a vow in front of God and my family to say that he'd love and respect me, and be with me until death. It never really had anything to do with wearing a pretty white dress and having a big party. I always wanted to get married, even as a little girl. I know there are no gaurantees in life, but that's not the reason that I wanted to do it.
I also wanted to bring children into this world who knew/know who their father is, and not have to worry about who he is or if he loves them, or wants to be in their lives...by marrying me he told me this...I want YOU now, and forever no matter what we go through. He made a vow before God to me, and I to him, and that's a big deal.
I guess if you don't have God in your relationship, it really won't matter anyhow, and from what I've seen most in my life is that couples who just live together don't have any real commitment and the relationship ends up crumbling down the road...but there's usually a bigger mess because then they have had children and established a life, but have nothing really to prove it in the end when they want to split up. Call it old fashioned or whatever you like.
Yes it's more socially acceptable today to live together or "try out" being married, but it's not the same. You can't "try out" being married, you either are or you are not, there's really not an in between. It all depends on what is important to you in the end. IMHO I don't consider couples living together "married" and never will because they do not have that same connection, they never promised themselves to eachother before God.When I say promised themselves, I mean that they have promised that they would do anything (that is allowable), and love eachother, and forgive until God takes them home. It was never a choice to move in with anyone for me... that would have just been a slap in the face to even be asked that. GL!
2006-06-13 17:36:34 · answer #7 · answered by dixi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your mom is being old fashioned. I lived with my husband for 2 years before we got married. If your not ready for marriage, don't do it. Besides it's a good way to really get to know your boyfriend by living with him. If things don't work out for and your boyfriend it's easier to get out of a relationship then to file a divorce.
2006-06-13 16:54:42 · answer #8 · answered by kim_in_craig 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of people move in together before they
are married. That is how it was in the olden days, only living together once married. I don't see anything wrong with it. In fact my husband and I bought our first house a year before we were married. Every relationship is different. You are still committed to each other, living together is a committment.
2006-06-13 16:33:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a good idea because you really learn one another and find out if ur really ready to be together and be married so, it is a good thing. Now the religious people may think otherwise.
2006-06-13 16:32:29 · answer #10 · answered by Davenport 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋