My husband has just told me last year when we were seperated that his father had done bad stuff to him growing up late at night. We'll leave it at that. He refuses to get counseling for it, if he is just telling me after 9 years. But, could this be why he insists on having sex all the time, it has become a chore and isn't enjoyable anymore. I tell him that and it doesn't phase him at all. Please help. Serious answers only please.
2006-06-13 08:38:36 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It could be related. It seems that to prove he is still a normal man (and that he was not affected by what happened to him) he has to be engaged in sex as often as he can. You need to find a way to convince him that he needs counseling or things will get worse for you, since you are not enjoying that situation. I think he is assuming his dad's role: doing to you what he wants WHENEVER he wants, and then ignoring what you think... I hope you convince him soon. Good Luck!
2006-06-13 08:48:43 · answer #1 · answered by angelj16tx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's rough. At some point you are going to have to stand up and say no to the sex. You aren't a machine and he is ruining something that should feel incredible for you. Sex in a marriage is not a responsibility. It is a gift, meant, in my opinion to (aside from creating offspring) bring a couple closer together mentally and physically. If he is rooting this to the abuse when he was little then he has some really serious issues with it whether he admits it or not. At this point counseling really needs to occur. Ultimatums never work in marriage but try telling him that until he can calm down you two will not sleep in the same bed. If this starts to seriously damage your relationship you might consider joint marriage counseling. He might be basing your marriage at this point on the sex and not the person anymore. In this form you can save your marriage and perhaps draw out some things he is harbouring from the abuse.
2006-06-13 15:45:50 · answer #2 · answered by bubb1e_gir1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to give your spouse as much support as you can, but without getting hurt yourself. If he refuses counseling, it mayjust be that he isn't ready to open up to a complete stranger about something so dark and personal. he may worry about getting judged. As far as the sex goes, if you arent enjoying it then maybe you need to let him know that it is too much for you. But don't ever blame him or the abuse he had as a child for this could cause him to revert . after all, it took alot of trust to open up to you, especially after 9 years of silence. Now would not be the time to break that trust by embarrassing him or making him feel like the abuse was his fault. we both know it wasnt but he may not feel that way. And always remember honey, he is a man, it's just natural for him to want it all the time, it's in their nature.
2006-06-13 15:48:35 · answer #3 · answered by shortyred37 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation, only my husband was the opposite extreme. Let's just say our marriage was never consumated. There were other intimacy issues as well. I ended up leaving him. He didn't want to go to counciling and after 2 sessions, he refused to go back. All I can tell you is that he has to want to change, or he won't. Parents really screw up their kids... He's probably trying to prove to himself and the world that he isn't gay. My thoughts are with you!
2006-06-13 15:51:36 · answer #4 · answered by loshea65 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an abuse victim myself, I can tell you that his finally telling you about it was a big step for him and it says volume's about how much he trusts in you to tell you in the first place.
Be patient with him and maybe he will open up and talk it out some more.
I agree that he needs counseling to work through, but it has to be when he is ready for it not when you are.
Patience.....
2006-06-13 15:42:41 · answer #5 · answered by yeller 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there:
My husband was abused by a man as a child and does have an insatiable sex drive. He believes that he's proving that he's not gay. Maybe it would help him to know that he's normal--that it's not his fault.
2006-06-13 15:57:06 · answer #6 · answered by Momentum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what i feel is tht u may have to give ur spouse your love and care .try not to hurt him at any time and make him to know tht everyone in the world are not bad guy there is some one who really loves him and is there next to him all the time when he needs . and talk to him abt all the things openly dont try to hide anything . hope it works good luck.
2006-06-13 15:46:07 · answer #7 · answered by swetha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually people who are abused in this manner are less interested in sex, not more. I think his problem comes from elsewhere. If he refuses counciling that's his thing, but if he truely wants a family with you he has to go through it, for your relationship as much as for himself.
2006-06-13 15:43:49 · answer #8 · answered by cisco_cantu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if the sex was good all the time and now after 9 year's it pop's in he;s had maybe it's somthing else and he use this as an exouse
2006-06-13 15:42:41 · answer #9 · answered by lolita 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be patient, offer support...but the real issue is his sex drive and your tiring of it...you need to resolve this and if he isn't willing to, leave him
2006-06-13 15:42:36 · answer #10 · answered by twentythree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋