What is his problem? Should I push him to get married?

Question

My fiancee asked me to marry him almost a year ago (july 2005). This May we set a date of May2007 for the wedding.I love him and want to marry him & he says that he loves me & wants to marry me but he seems to not care about planning the wedding. He said if I want this wedding to happen it is all up to me to plan it. Another issue is that he has said that he isnt ready to be married (I think this is just an excuse) I dont understand--we are living as married people do (sharing finances, investing in joint purchases, being intimate, etc.) I dont see how things will change after we get married. Also he says, yes he wants to get married & be w/me & have kids. This is confusing me. Im not sure whether I should push ahead &continue planning the wedding or not, but I feel that if he doesnt commit to me in marriage then we should end the relationship. I wasnt raised to think its ok to have sex outside of marriage & each day that I do I feel guilty. I want us to be committed & have a future.

Answer 1

honey don't push him into it or even make him feel like he was pressured in it.cause in time he will blame you if things don't work out say you made him do it and u don't want to feel like that him telling his friends family maybe even your family .seems like he is using a excuses he is not ready.well my question always to men like that was when are u going to be what does it take and how do u know when u do get ready.don't seem so needy to him so clingy act like him say well i need some time to think of us some space maybe i seem more serious about our relationship and you seem to be on another planet or a plan i should say and see how he acts just straight up ask him do u really love me and if he takes a minute to answer or doesn't pay attention walk out the door cause if he really loves you he would marry you

Answer 2

You got engaged last year - with a projected wedding date of 2 years away - that's a pretty good amount of time to plan a wedding. You still have over a year to plan, so maybe it just hasn't hit your fiance that it's coming up yet. You need to talk to him about how you feel and that it's both of your wedding - not just you. He needs to be involved with the basics of the wedding - where to have it, colors, style, etc - you can't do all the work, he does need to help.
Marriage does change the dynamic of your relationship - even if you are living as a married couple. When you are married things will change - that piece of paper make all the world of difference. It's your legal commitment to each other.
Talk to your fiance about how you are feeling and work something out. Maybe he doesn't want a big wedding - try to compromise between what you both want.

Answer 3

I totally agree with you, If he has no committed before marriage why would he have it after marriage. If he is pushing this marriage planning all upon you then what will make him stop there. But the worst thing you can do his push him into something that he doesn't want to do. If he doesn't want to help you out with his own wedding then don't force him, simply say if you don't help plan the wedding guess your not coming. I would stop and think twice if this man is really for you, try not living together for a while, that is when you can think clearly and that way your emotions won't contol you. You deserve the best and nothing less.

Answer 4

If it's really bother you, I think you should have a long talk with him. If he keeps avoiding question or answers....then theres a problem! I see people that been married for 20 something years and still divorce. You can never predict what could happen in the near future, love can blind a person. Use your judgement and others put it together, understands his need and yours...if there's some kind of disagreement then you should back out of this marriage... You don't want to take this big step with someone that have a change of heart but only sympathy. Following your heart is not the key, its understanding each others need.

Answer 5

I agree with you. So stop the sex now and continue on with the weddings plans. The next 6 months will tell you how he really feels.

Answer 6

I say pack you stuff and leave for a weekend, but make him think it's for good. He is taking you for granted and he thinks why marry her, and lose my freedom, when we're already 'married', and if we argue I can just leave. He wants to be with you and not have the emotional commitment of mariage, if he watns you he has to prove it at this point. If he really loved you he'd be just as excited. He's acting like he's just too damn lazy to go out and meet other girls and is just setteling, Make him decide what he wants.

Answer 7

i think you should not push him, i think you should wait and see what happens. dont wait to long. if he doesnt commit by a certain date you have in your headthen forget it. why isnt he going to help with the wedding. it makes me think he really doesnt want to get married. you are sharing everything but the fact that he is marrying you. why cant he commit? why cant he just say i do, maybe cause he doesnt. he doesnt want to get married. face it he doesnt want what you want. if this is important to you and he cant see that then he isnt for you. why cant you do this that is so important to you, for you. your happiness doesnt mean nothing to him and thats not ok.good luck.

Answer 8

dear....push out the guilt frm ur beautiful system...its rare to c such a realtionship meant to get married! hes kinda disturbed and lil unstable abt this whole marriage plan thingy...make it simple and easier for him..he mite be actually getting paranoid abt this.......better plan a more easy simple with only ur and his family around...he will feel more much less stressed out and happy.....dnt talk abt this wedding.....it will happen if its meant to be! just relax!
happy wedding.....

Answer 9

That's your gig dear.

Would you really like your fiance's opinion on the bridemaid's dresses color pattern and the matching shoes?

Grow up and leave the man alone.