any hope for me?

Question

has anyone ever made so many mistakes and looked back and cant understand why you did them? i ruined and threw away not only a 8 year relationship but more recntly any hope of it ever been back together? how come i always realise what i have done when its to late and no matter how hard i try i keep returning to the side of me i hate?
i cant seem to let go of the past and i let it control me through anger and resentment for myself which i take out on others.
will i always be this way i really am trying to change but seem to do it

Answer 1

rip open the shell and stop thinking about urself.
such mistakes are done by most of the ppl.
dont feel guilty.
cheers

Answer 2

I used to do the same type of thing, not with relationships, I thought I was so screwed up that I'd never be in a relationship, just with life in general. Couldn't keep a job down, kept getting kicked out of accommodation, I even nearly gave my mum a nervous breakdown the way I was acting. Then, eventually after I'd improved a lot but still had the same deep, ingrained "problems", I went on a course that my ex girlfriend said I should go on. It taught me one very important lesson, there's nothing wrong with me, you or anybody else on this planet, we just convince ourselves there is, and the problem there is that the more you tell yourself something the more real it feels. Did you ever get it at school when you'd be labelled as something and you started believing it yourself, this is exactly the same. Now what I'd recommend you do, and these are just the options I know of there may be more, is you could either take up Buddhism, the philosophy not the religion if you're not that way inclined, and yes there is a big difference, or you could go on the course I went on. Now I don't know much about Buddhism so I can't really say how you would go about it, other than Googling it, and then there's the course, which if you're interested, you could check out the website at isaexperience.com. I really hope you get yourself sorted, you're more than capable of it given the right support, so keep your chin up and don't beat yourself up, you're human, we all make mistakes p.s. oh and my ex is now my girlfriend again thanks to that course

Answer 3

One has NEVER made so many mistakes that you can't move on. That's the great thing about mistakes, you move AWAY from them. The key is to learn from them and that takes an enormous amount of introspection - painful, insightful introspection.

We return to that which is familiar - we return to that with which we know how to deal. You keep going back to that part of you which you "hate" because it is so familiar. You almost don't have to think about your actions and reactions, they are so much a part of you. And so if you want to change, you have to affirmatively stop in mid-stream, in mid-sentence, and make yourself be quiet and think about what is happening and then choose your actions carefully and in accordance with the person you want to become - the person you want to be.

The only way to let go of the past is to simply let go. God, that sounds so pithy and easy and it is not. But there is no magic bullet to do so, but take a deep breath and realize that that your chokehold on the past is ruining your present and preventing your future. Ask yourself why you would hold onto such a thing ? And when you find yourself "taking it out on others" - STOP - and tell youself (even if you have to say it out loud) that these people have NOTHING to do with your hurt and anger and then treat them with kindness and respect.

That is what has to become a habit - treating everyone with integrity, kindness, and respect. There is very little worth getting angry about - it solves nothing and creates more problems that, in turn, cannot be solved.

Answer 4

Of course everyone has made bad choices in there life at some point. Its all about learning from mistakes. Is it really too late for you and this 8 year old relationship? You say that you have realised you have made mistakes perhaps you could talk it through with the other person in this 8 yr relationship. As for letting go of the past when you have been hurt ppl don't get over it they learn to live with it. So maybe you could think of strategies of learning to live with your bad choices in life rather then just trying to forget them. I wish you luck.

Answer 5

Hey there. You need to take a deep breathe and relax. And think about what you want to do. It sounds to me like you want to change yourself and be a better person then you have in the past. I believe that you can do that. But you need to believe that also. You can't do that by having the kind of attitude you have right now. You need to keep a positive attitude always about yourself and life. I know this will be hard at first. I have been there. Your attitude in life and about yourself is in your control. No one can make you happy, sad or mad that is in your hands depending on how you react to things said or done to you. Yes I understand how hard it is to let the past go, but each day goes by and becomes your past. So live everyday to its fullest and remember. Your attitude is your choice when you wake up in the mornings. And who knows maybe others will see this new you and come back. Good Luck. And keep that positive attitude, it works.

Answer 6

Have you ever thought that maybe this relationship is what brings out the bad side of you? Sounds like you might be going back to this relationship rather than face being on your own?

You need to leave the past behind you and start afresh, then you will meet your true sole mate.

You must allow yourself time to be alone for a while though.

Answer 7

First of all you need to calm down. You are in control of your thoughts and feelings. Always remember that if you feel positive about yourself and your life then positive things will happen. Be honest with yourself and try writing your feelings down before you blow up and take them out on other people who just want to get to know you. I would consider counselling where you will find ways to help you deal with and understand your feelings. Life is too short for you to feel so bad. As for the relationship - you maybe need to move on and leave it in the past, where is belongs.

Stay calm and in control and feel and deal with your feelings.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I seem to find myself in the same situation. I tend to dwell on the past alot myself and regret decisions when in fact its too late to change it. My mother is the same way..I suppose its learned behavior for me.I had alot of insecurity issues as a child..suffer from low-self esteem. Constantly I try to be different, look at situations differently. My husband is very easy going and the clam relaxed type. He watches out for me and helps me calm down, to make better choices for myself. I am Blessed to have him in my life. My main concern is that my children will be the same way. I know how miserable it has made me. And wouldn't want that for my children. I wish you all the best!

Answer 9

Until you can get to grips with your past and let it go-- there is no way you can ever move forward-- cos you can bet it will creep up and bite ya on the bum at every available time...

Get some dort of counselling-- it may be something from your past(childhood) that you never realised, that keeps rearing its ugly head. You owe it to yourself to get some support and help-- you need to be able to move forward.

It will always seem like history repeating itself if the issues aren't dealt with. We always say and do things we regret afterwards the thing is do we ever learn from our mistakes? If you have children out of this please do it for them-- you need to be strong..

Good luck

Answer 10

I too am one to take a good thing and fu*k it up. Always. It is just the way it is. Look to see what you do to Fuc* things up and try to change that. For me it was booze, it did not make me a bad person, but from what people tell me, girls don't like a drunken mess. Don't know why but it's true. Figure you r demon out and work on it, there is hope for us fuc* ups!

Answer 11

Yes i am one of those people. But i for one want to learn from my mistakes and to never do them again. I want to better my self and my life and not become a creature or person of bad habits. You detinitley counseling and help to learn how to deal with this stuff and to try to start to change.