We have a son together. He's almost 18 months old. My fiance wants to be gone all the time either fishing or hanging out with his buddies while I'm stuck at home all of the time. We both work full time. But yet I still have to come home and take care of baby and clean and cook. He doesn't help with ANYTHING!
2006-06-13 07:59:45 · 8 answers · asked by Abbi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first of all why would you consider marrying this guy? have you told him how unhappy it makes you? if you have and he hasn't changed anything then thats your answer, he simply doesn't care and its going to take something serious (like packing his bags) to shake him up, if he isn't going to help what is the point of having him around? just so you have someone to fight with? life shouldn't be about that.
stop doing it all! let him know you are unhappy then let him know that things WILL change. basically its happening because you let it happen, pick up something for yourself to eat on the way home from work and let him fend for himself, don't wash his clothes, don't do the dishes, tell him its his week to do it. go out yourself and leave him to take care of the baby, when he whines about it tell him that what you learned from his behavior is that parents need time away and since he takes so much of it you thought that was his philosophy on the subject and were sure he wouldn't have a problem with you doing the same thing he does (how can he actually argue with that?) he needs to figure out that the baby is just as much his job as it is yours, best way to teach him is to let him do the job once in a while. if you need to get a babysitter and go out..anything to let him know its a two way street and you aren't going to sit around feeling like crap while he's out goofing off with the boys.
you need to start sticking up for yourself because nobody is going to do it for you. its ridiculous and he needs to grow up and don't even think about marrying him until he does!
2006-06-13 08:19:59 · answer #1 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant force him to behave differently. You must not challenge him. He has a single man's mentality right now.
Be wise, you can kiss him, then get a baby sitter and "ask" can you go. If that don't work. Pack his lunch and tuck a card of your thoughts in there too, how you miss being a couple, type a deal.
If that doesn't work. begin to give him a weeks notice of things "you are going to do". That way he knows that he should consider taking care of his child. (to test his fairness).
He may tell you to get a babysitter. But unless he's dying he has no excuse baby comes first before friends.
This way he is made to choose and to see for himself his priorities.
But just remember that guys are pretty different, they need to get out there every once in awhile. After he starts wakening. sometimes you need to tell him to get out there.
But you need that also. Pray first no matter what you do. Okay!
But Young lady. Be aware of the facts. First when are you two going to be married? Because many divorced people scratch their head in wonder.
Not paying attention to the signs. Before marriage there is a storm! If you cant get this right, now! Don't be unwise and marry trouble.
Not saying anything but look and see whats up now as well as the future for you and your child.
Your welcomed here 360&Me
2006-06-13 08:47:06 · answer #2 · answered by cHeAp_ShOt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would first try talking to him. Not yelling, not arguing... talking. Tell him your concerns, let him tell you his concerns. Don't get defense, try to understand where he is coming from. Ask him to do the same. Understand that both of you aren't perfect and things are going to be hard at first. If you guys can't talk face to face about some things, write notes or emails (then theres no arguing and screaming!).
Try to schedule times that he can take care of the baby. Sometimes guys just don't understand how to 'be around more'. Tell him 'I need you home monday night to take care of the baby' and make sure he tells you he will. Also try to find time that all three of you can be together (parks, zoo, or just shopping together). If he can't do this, then try counseling or moving on.
2006-06-13 08:27:57 · answer #3 · answered by shans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This does not sound like someone you should be planning a future with. If he is behaving this way now, he is not going to change after you are married. I would have sat him down a long time ago and told him that as long as both of us work outside the home, them we BOTH need to share the work IN the home, including caring for the baby. If he wants a housewife, he needs to support one. Otherwise, a marriage is out of the question. One child to care for is enough, and it sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do.
2006-06-13 08:49:42 · answer #4 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are only engaged and you are living together, let this be a preview of things to come. I would suggest counseling and the two of you having time to yourselves. My husband and I were newlyweds when we found out we were pregnant. It was hard because we never had time for ourselves. Bring it to his attention. If he doesn't come around? I don't know.....I wish you the best of luck! Focus on that baby!
2006-06-13 08:09:49 · answer #5 · answered by JT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not get married and find someone else. a sperm donor does not necessarily make a good husband or father.
2006-06-13 08:08:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
counseling / spend more time together
2006-06-13 08:05:43 · answer #7 · answered by mick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SEPARATE!!!
2006-06-13 08:12:39 · answer #8 · answered by Samba Queen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋