Tell me some good blonde jokes ( don't be offende blondes)?

Answer 1

Here are some Blonde Jokes for you ! Have Fun !

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

- she called me to get my phone number.
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
- she got stabbed in a shootout.
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she tried to drown a fish.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put VIRGO."
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
- she sold the car for gas money.
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

With Due Apologies to Reese Whitherspoon especially !
Take Care and God Bless !

Answer 2

Q: Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?
A: In case she had to draw blood!

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

A blonde saw a "¿" on her computer screen and asked another blonde,
"How do you do that?" She responded . . .
"Simple, turn the keyboard upside down!"

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says,
1. "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"
2. "Good thing that cows don't fly."

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted.

Answer 3

This blonde walks in a store and says I want that TV in the corner. The guy behind the counter said I don't sell things to a blonde. The next day she came back with reddish hair and said I want that TV in the corner and he says again I don't sell things to blondes. She wondered how he knew she was blonde. So the next day she came back with black hair and said I want that TV in the corner. He said once again I don't sell things to blondes. She got so mad she yelled how do you know I'm blonde?? He said that's not a TV that's a microwave.

Answer 4

OK
3 girls
a fat brunette
an ugly red head
and a blonde
are in the audience of a magic show
and the magician calls them up on stage
the magician says that if you lie you will disappear.
so the brunette goes first
she says "I feel good about how much i weigh"
She disappears
Next the red head says
" I think I'm beautiful, inside and out"
She disappears
Finally the blonde walks up, taps against the microphone on stage, sends a hiss of feedback into the audience and says,
"I think..."
and she disappears

Answer 5

They was a blonde sitting in a boat in her front yard. Her sister,(also a blonde), came outside and was furios. "You know, it's blondes like you who give a bad name, and makes everybody think we are stupid! And if i could swim over there, I'd kick your butt!"



Why was the blonde fired from the M&M's factory?
Because she kept eating all the w's!

There were three blondes walking on the beach and they found a magic genie lamp. They rubbed the lamp and out came the genie.
I will give u all one wish each, said the genie.
The first blonde wished to be 100 times smater and her hair turned light brown and she ran off.
The second blonde wished to be 100,000 times smater and her hair turns dark brown aand she runs off.
The third blonde wished to be 100,000 times dumber and she turns into a guy!
(no offense guys)

What's dumber than a blonde chick?
A blonde guy!

Answer 6

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very

attractive blonde woman from Texas arrived and bet twenty-thousand

dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.





She said, "I hope y'all don't mind, but feel much luckier when I'm

completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled

the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"





As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed...





"YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"





She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and

her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other

dumfounded.





Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."





Moral - Not all Texans are stupid and not all blondes are dumb,

But all men are men.

Answer 7

A blonde went to the doctors complaining of pain in her belly button. The doctor looked at it and after much thought said " Your blonde boyfriend must be really dumb too."

Answer 8

A blondes driving down the road and she sees a tree on the left of her so she swerves right then she sees one on the right so she swerves left, then sees one on the left so she swerves and crashes into a policecar. The policeman asks her how she crashed and she says she kept seeing trees on the road. The policeman says there are no trees for 4 miles this is the highway, you must have been looking at your air freshener

Answer 9

a blind man walks in a bar - tells the bartender, "hey, you want to hear a blond joke?" The guy sitting next to him says, "Hey, pal. I'm a blond, 6'4" truck driver, the bartender is a 6'3" blond and the guy at the end of the bar is6'5" and blond...Are you sure you want to tell a blond joke?"...The blind man says, 'NOT IF I HAVE TO TELL IT THREE TIMES!!!!"

Answer 10

There's two blondes standing on either side of a river. One blonde waves to the other and yells "Come to the other side!"
The second blonde yells back "I am on the other side!"