My little brother was such a mama's boy when he was 8. His mother is mentally ill and a terrible mother.?

Question

His parents divorced when he was about 10 years old but his mom is still close to the whole family. He has learned though that his mom in unreliable. Now he is 14 and has a girlfriend that he is too attached to. He won't go anywhere withouth her and he is making terrible grades. He has no rules at home.

Do you think that his attachment to his girlfriend is normal or do you think there's any connection to his attachement to his mom?

Answer 1

Actually it sounds like the problem is that your brother has no rules, and therefore is not exercising self-regulation. It is more fun and enjoyable to be with his girlfriend than to do what he is supposed to do for school, and without rules to guide him, he is doing the thing that's the most fun and easiest. Also, it is your description of "too" attached that would need to be assessed. Most adolescents with a girlfriend are almost obsessed to be with- or in constant communication with- the object of their affection. That is quite natural. It might be worthwhile to try to enlist the help of the girlfriend in getting his attention focused on school, such as explaining that for their relationship to progress, he needs to be able to get through school, etc. Since most girlfriends do like to help form their significant others, you just might be able to get her to help. Counseling sounds like a great idea on the surface, however, the only way to help someone change (even counselors or therapists will agree with this) is to have someone who wants to change and realizes that change is necessary. If he's having a good time without having serious consequences, that might be a hard sell. Good luck.

Answer 2

It sounds like he may have something called attachment disorder in which the person does not form the appropriate relationships with people at a young age when he is supposed to, so when he gets older his relationships can be messed up or unhealthy. You can look this up online for more info. There are other reasons people form these attachments too! Codepent personalities do this as well

Answer 3

I think you've hit the nail on the head. Of course it's not normal. He's looking for the validation that his mother didn't give him. Get him a counselor.

Answer 4

Hard to say. Most girlfriends usually act motherly to boyfriends i.e. cooking, cleaning, telling them what to do. So if your little brother yearns for that attention it would be safe to assume that's why he clings to her. Another reason could be he probably feels close to her, and needs someone to need him.

Answer 5

The attachment to his girlfriend is normal.I don't think there is any special attachment toward his mom.