Why won't my husband make love to me?

Question

I am 23 and my husband is 25. No matter what I do, I can't get him to do anything with me. He says things like "we will later," "we will in the morning," etc. But, of course, he never does. He says he IS attracted to me, but my self-esteem is really bad since this all started. We dated for 6 years before we got married and have been married for 6 months. It didn't used to be this way, in fact it was the complete opposite. Can someone please tell me what to do? I've tried it all: candles, slow dances, wine, lingere, everything. Please help me!!!!!

Answer 1

Maybe you smell, maybe he has a medical problem, maybe he is just tired after work, maybe he has fallen out of love with you, i would suggest a counselor to see what his deal is. Maybe hes getting some on the side?

Answer 2

There may be a lot of other things going on - you just don't know. Sure, there is "he-may-be-getting-it-elsewhere" ...but that sounds a bit unlikely so soon into a marriage after a 6 year courtship. Something else is going on. It may be physical, but at 25, that is less likely than in an older man. So the chances are that it is psychological. First you need to rule out whether he is distracted (by work, by other things going on in life) so much so that he just can't "deal." If and when that is not the case, then there is a mental barrier which has been erected - perhaps unknowingly on his part - but there just the same. Maybe he finds the legality of the marriage to be a turn-off (in the same way that some men find themselves not attracted to their wives when they are "mothers" rather than lovers.....maybe he is turned on by a lover and not a wife.) SOMETHING is going on (duh!) and the only way you are going to find out what it is is through conversation and counseling.

First, a thought, be a little at ease because according to The Sex-Starved Marriage (and according to a lot of shopworn jokes), married couples are in an outright crisis of libido. Twenty percent of married couples have sex less than once a month. Couples are harried, busy, stressed, exhausted. They're clinically depressed, or their hormones are out of whack, or they're dealing with childhood sexual abuse. Whatever the cause, married folks don't seem to be having much sex.

But back to conversation and counseling - you've tried the candles and the lingere, blah- blah- blah. So it's interest and time. First get himto recognize that even if HE doesn't think it is a problem, you do. You want more physicality in your marriage and "it does take two to tango." The result is that you are unhappy. Once you get him there, then you might want to get him to a counselor or even a sex therapist. (And I urge you to do so.) This has to be talked out and solved between the two of you (with a little help, I think) before you go further down this path and it becomes a habit.

Answer 3

I'm very sorry to hear that. You really need to either consult a counselor or sit down and have a serious talk with him to find out why he suddenly loses his interest in making love to you after only 6 months of marriage. Has this problem been going on for months for only few days or weeks?.

Some of the possible factors that might cause the problem such as:

Is it because his current job requires him to work so hard that he always feels tired to do anything else?. If so, take a vacation and go somewhere really far away from home to take his mind off his works.

Is it because of your same & repeated sexual methods/styles after those past years that might have bored him?.

Does he have any suspected or strange behavior that possibly leads to the tendency of cheating on you or attracting to other women?.

Besides, too much of self-pleasures on his own time due to watching rated x movies or internet "stuffs" can also affect his real sex life.

So, both of you need to have a serious and open discussion to find out what is wrong with that picture.

Wishing you guys lots of luck and happiness forever.

Answer 4

The short answer is this... a lot of men have a hard time having sex with their wives because... they're married to them. What I mean is.. growing up, we're taught that sexy is kind of dirty... it's alright to have sex with a "whore" but once a man is married, or "even worse" his woman is pregnant, or had a child... he kind of puts her on a pedestal... and it's not alright to have sex with that kind of woman...
The problem is not with you, it's with him. He needs to work some of his sexual issues, it's that simple. The problem is.. most guys won't admit there's a problem. So, unfortunately, you may have to force him to go, let him know how unhappy you are, sit down with him, have a glass of wine, make sure he doesn't feel threatened.. let him know you love him, but let him know something needs to change immediately. If that doesn't work, let me know and I'll come over and take care of you... okay, that last part was a joke. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

Answer 5

Some of the answers here just kill me!!!!!

Key word here is COMMUNICATION! if you two are communicating then you would probably know if there was a problem. Maybe it is work, maybe it is physical, and maybe he has just realized that now he has HUGE responsibilities after getting married.

Why does everyone have to assume someone is cheating? That's the case in a small percentage of the cases and the percentage is split between both sexes.

Answer 6

Honestly you are both to young for an issue like this. i would come out and tell him that it is hurting you, and ask him why. if he give you some lame excuse just ask if he has been with someone else. He is 25 he is getting it ine way or the other. I know it sucks to think ike that but you have to be true to yourself and love yourself the way you are. There are other men in the sea.

Answer 7

Hummm..I'd really like to help but it sounds like he has some problem and we are guessing.

I'd try this, as it will enguage his protective side.

Tell him you are terrified. (act scared, cry) Tell him you love him so much and that you do not know what is happening but you need him. You are so scared of lossing him and you need him to talk to you. You need him to hold you. You need protection, love, sex that only he can provide. Tell him that you miss him so badly that you are lost and only he can find and help you.

Get him talking. Let him know that you are not going to get mad at him, to put him down. AND MEAN IT. But he needs to tell you eants wrong so he can help you. Or maybe you can help him.
Keep that till last
Do this on his first day off after he has slept in late.

I wish you the best, wish I could help more but without him, I can't ask him what's wrong.

Answer 8

I'm sorry to tell you this but it sounds as if your husband has a new interest. If a man sleeps in the same bed as a woman who he have been with for sometime and has no urge to touch her at all, no matter what she has tried to do to get him to touch her, then its nothing there any more. He's either getting it from another woman or his interest have changed altogether and now he's looking at men for his satisfaction.

Answer 9

So, easily, she left him, married somebody else and then found out the hot guy became no prince? Your husband is a fool. She's in all likelihood satisfied adequate whilst her husband is giving her what she needs, and basically "loves" yours (or different adult adult males) whilst she is feeling skipped over. element this out on your husband, and tell him that because of the fact he fell for this, you have lost appreciate for him. tell him you decide directly to be married to somebody who is going to love you for you and should no longer be so desirous to enable yet another woman invade your lives. you're saying this to make him dislike her. My wager is that he pronounced those issues because of the fact he became so flattered by utilising her interest. it may well be very no longer trouble-free to forget approximately approximately somebody who had left you for somebody else coming back and asserting they regretted the call. in spite of the indisputable fact that, many adult adult males might have cheated and he did no longer. That tells me that he particularly DOES love you yet became caught up in the flattery of the 2nd. i might stay married if he starts to confirm her for what she is ... a troublemaker ... yet no longer if he's going to maintain her on pedestal. solid success.

Answer 10

Girl... there may be a physical problem... or the only othere thing that i can think of is that he wont have sex with you because he is getting it else where. just be aware of everything... iknow crappy advice but that is just from my experience..