What do I do? Caught husband.....?

Question

I just found out with my own eyes that my husband sees porn at work. I was scrolling through his history list to find my son his Hotwheels site and ran into about 7 sites he's gone to. I don't know how to confront him. I feel betrayed and don't even feel like being with him anymore. I thought we had a wonderful relationship, after 5 years of marriage we're still very sexually active, he makes me laugh everyday and he's a good father. I thought our marriage was perfect. I never felt self conscious before, people say I'm beautiful and have a nice body. Sure, I've had a baby so my body isn't how it used to be but it's not horrible...he even says I have a nice body! I'm so confused! I don't even wish to undress in front of him anymore! Please don't be rude when answering, I'm very hurt and shocked. Thank you....

Thank you all for your advice. I didn't agree with some of you but reading all of the answers really calmed me down! Another questions: how do I get over feeling uncomfortable undressing in front of him? And yes I give him plenty of space! He can watch his soccer anytime any place, I just do my own thing! He's told me I'm the perfect wife although I'm begining to doubt that.... :(

Answer 1

Okay, my favorite way to deal with this issue is to simply put a block on internet porn, and a block on the sites he regularly visits that dont appeal to you or that are of an XXX nature. You can buy these at bestbuy or other computer stores, install it on the computer or hire someone to do it for you. next time hubby goes online to look at porn he will be faced with the realization that you know, he might get pissed, but it will prevent your son from accidently clicking on porno sites as well, so it is a good investment either way.

If you must confront him I would just sit down and ask him about it, dont accuse him, dont point fingers--although I know you want to tear his head off for this. Suggest marriage counseling, you want to work through this if at all possible, dont let it end your marriage especially with a child.

Answer 2

Try talking to him about it! If your married than communication is key. Far as the porn goes your WAY overreacting! Have you never looked at a mans behind or six pack on TV or walking down the street? Chances are you have if you haven't your lieing or dead and no wonder he looks at porn! He would not be a man if he didn't look and porn is a non adulterous method to act our sexual fantasies! You found porn on his PC who else has access to it? maybe is wasn't him?! So what if it was hes a man and men are VERY visual its not like he is cheating! You might want to watch porn with him and engage in foreplay while watching! He is NOT cheating and porn is no big deal! If your watching a movie and a female or male undresses do you leave room? Its nothing! Don't let this live rent free in your head! Talk to your husband. I see this bothers you and I respect that and your hubby I am sure will also talk to him if you cant then you don't have a marriage!

Answer 3

First off you have nothing to be self concious about. If you as good looking as you say you are then you husband still find's you very sexualy actractive. The other side is you only found 7 sights, of the hundreds of thousands that are out there, I would say your husband is doing very well. Men are very visual, porn is to a man what a romance novel is to a woman. A way to stimulate there sexual desires and fulfill there fanticies. Remember he can only look at porn, he cant touch it. If it bother's you that much, talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. If you ask him why I will tell you he probibly won't be able to give you an answer except "I Don't know".

Answer 4

First of all, looking at porn at work can get you fired at most places. He'd better be careful there. Secondly, pity us men! I know many will say it's no excuse, but we're driven by testosterone. Many of our decisions are made by "the other head", I'm sure you've witnessed this peculiar behavior. I believe a study showed we men think about sex like every 3.2 seconds. Some average even less! (lol) He may even possibly think it's harmless. The net has made looking at porn as easy as ogling some babe on the sidewalk. The old saying "why go out for hamburger when you've got steak at home" may apply here. Tell him he's "busted" and that it bothers you. If he's as fabulous as you say he is, he'll repent! One more thing to keep in mind, if his computer is used by more than one person, it might not even be him! Innocent until proven guilty... good luck!

Answer 5

sorry girl, i know how ya feel. it does hurt and sticks with you. well you need to ask him, not yell or scream, try not to get mad. just ask him why he chooses to go to these sites, its a big temptation for alot of men, and its not right. married men should not be looking at that stuff. its corrupting to the mind and no matter what people say it affects the marriage. try to talk about it in a way that wont put him on the defense. he will probably be humilated and maybe think of an excuse. but usually its has nothing to do with you, don't lose your self-confidence over this. he has a problem not you sweetie. cry, get made do whatever you have to do, when he isn't around. so when you talk to him you will be calm. this betrayal sucks i know, try to forgive him, if the problem continues, then he needs help, some men get very addicted.

Answer 6

Porn is an addiction. Its like when people are addicted to drinking or drugs. He may have tried to stop, but may not have been able to. You need to be supportive, if he does want to stop you need to be there to help him stop. I'm sure he does love you very much, but as an addiction its hard to get away from. If he is a real man he will let you help him get through this. He still does love you and it does not have anything to do with the way you look. Check out the site below, it has some awesome info about dealing with porn.

Answer 7

Well seeing a history list doesn't mean your husband is addicted to porn (even though you are not saying he is). I say this because unless he has an addiction - to anything - you probably don't have a problem. But I am not saying it is OK for married me to look at porn: when a man looks at nude 21-year old women, it is an unfair comparison then to look at his wife who may not be as physically appealing. I would tell him respectfully that you noticed some sites that had questionable sexual content and you are concerned that he is going to them other than going to you. Tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable. Be very considerate because he may feel slightly embarrassed. The goal here is to get your point across and to get what you want - for him to stop!

Answer 8

I would confront him and ask him why, and let him know how you feel now that you found out. He might stop looking if he's as great as you say he is. At least he's looking and not touching. Just tell him what you said in your question, it's not like you set out to catch him looking at porn. You never know maybe he was looking for toys or games that he wants to try with you. Is their a birthday or anniversary coming up. You shouldn't be self cautious you don't know exactly what he was looking at. Hopefully you can trust his answer and move on if it's the answer you want to hear. Hope this helps and good luck

Answer 9

This is what Dear Margo wrote someone who's husband was watching porn.

As for your jealousy of "the movies" (which I think is actually jealousy of the actresses), that is irrational insecurity. These people are not real to your husband in any way; they are fantasy. It's as if you had a crush on George Clooney and your husband decided he was competition.

While not all men need pornography, it is certainly a sexual reality, and need not necessarily be regarded as pathology. Also, some of what is called pornography is actually erotica . . . certainly nothing new. The Archaeological Museum in Naples, for example, has examples in the "Gabinetto Segreto" (the Secret Room) dating from the 6th century B.C

Talk to him about it. Your marriage sounds like a good one. Don't let soemthing as lame as porn get in the way.

Answer 10

First, just because your husband was looking at porn does NOT mean he isn't attracted to you. Maybe he likes getting turned on and thinking about you, or maybe he's looking for fun ideas to try with you.

Second, if it makes you uncomfortable in the slightest, and it does, you two need to talk about it calmly and work it out between you. Tell him the truth about what you were doing and what you found. Ask him why he does it and ask him if he does it because he doesn't love you or isn't attracted to you. Listen carefully and calmly to what he has to say, and respond. Tell him nicely how it makes you feel. You two need to find some middle ground on this. You may not need to go to counseling if your marriage is generally a happy one, but if you want to go to counseling, you should tell him so. It sounds like you both want your relationship to last, so make it last.