2006-06-13 05:42:53 · 35 answers · asked by C H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Go to marriage counseling. If that doesn't work, move on.
2006-06-13 05:45:06 · answer #1 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheater is always a cheater right? Not always. This saying is more correct. You can forgive, but I will never forget. Basically it means the trust is gone. You can try marriage counseling, but again the trust is gone. I don't like cheaters, because I been cheated on in the past. Its wrong and the very fact it happen is disgusting. If you are having a good sexual realtionship then why was the cheating going on. Unless the person just can't be committed. Basically I would resolve the issue peacefully, but If you want a good piece of mind I would tell them to hit the road.
2006-06-13 05:52:14 · answer #2 · answered by sonnys1980cc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how long ago your spouse cheated, but that's something that takes a long time to heal. Don't be too hard on yourself for having a rough time getting past it. You might want to do some personal counseling as well as couple thereapy - you've been betrayed and need a safe place to get your feelings out. If counseling is out of the question, try a diary or a good friend that is supportive of you staying with your spouse. There are also some good self-help books on the subject. You could try looking for some on a big book site like amazon.com or the barnes and nobles site.
2006-06-13 05:51:05 · answer #3 · answered by Jessica 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really cant get past the betrayal than you will not be able to make the relationship work. Without trust you have nothing... so if you are gonna live in this relationship constantly questioning where he is what he is doing and whether or not he will hurt you again..then there really is no point.
You have to completely forgive and forget...meaning that you must obsolve him fromwhat he has done and completely move on, never to speak of the cheating again....
If you can tdo it then just stop trying to make it work it wont.
2006-06-13 05:48:36 · answer #4 · answered by geet840 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You first have to forgive yourself for A)deciding to trust this person and commit with them, B)allowing the relationship to deteriorate to the point the other one seeks satisfaction (romance, pleasure, affirmation, etc.) outside it, and C)feeling so negative about yourself due to this person's hurtful actions/words.
Then you have to work with this person (and possibly a rel/mrg therapist) to figure out where you have conflict or different goals, expectations, values, etc. You have to be totally honest and also tolerant of the other person's differences, in order to work out compromises and solutions beneficial to all involved. This is the part thay may require the help of an objective third party - someone who doesn't take sides, but facilitates open communication and productive action plans.
Ultimately, you have to decide if what you have to gain from rebuilding your marriage after the breakdown is more valuable than what you feel you have lost already. You also must evaluate the likelihood of being hurt again or taken for granted. Part of the healing process is facing your grief and pain and accepting it as valid, then accepting that you can live with it and allow it to lessen and be replaced by the joy of creating a successful marriage with this fallen partner. This too may require one-on-one counselling separate from your marriage therapy.
2006-06-13 05:59:17 · answer #5 · answered by im_a_fun_nut 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you misunderstand the concept of forgiving. Forgiving doesn't mean that you will forget what's happened and/or pretend nothing happened. In matters such as this, the trust that cements a relationship has been fractured but not entirely broken. Trust can be gained again.
The forgiving partner is one who will accept what's happened and accept the partner regardless. The forgiving partner is to refrain from bringing the incident up and learn to be patient.
The cheating partner must understand what it means to truly be forgiven and refrain from former practices. In a relationship, there are to be no secrets from one another and no reason to be private on certain matters.
Husband and wife are now one, if you believe the scriptures (and I certainly do). That means the privacy of one also belongs to other and vice versa. That doesn't mean you have the right to check up on them at any given time. But it does mean that you must bear a burden only if you are willing to accept him/her as he/she is.
2006-06-13 05:52:03 · answer #6 · answered by gavino96 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say this, but your spouse does not honor your union. It's as simple as that. I know that it's hard to take in, but you have to put your heart in the backseat and let your logic take over this one. Your spouse cheated on you. That is pretty serious. It's not as if they forgot your anniversary. He/She obviously does not respect or care about you and your relationship together, regardless of how much they apologize. And the fact that you can't get over their betrayal ought to tell you something. It means that your mind is trying to tell you that this is not right and you need to get yourself out of this situation. Your heart is a great thing, but your mind is going to keep you out of trouble. Do yourself a favor and get yourself out of there. If they cheated before, who's to say that they won't do it again?
2006-06-13 05:51:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only two choices, either end the relationship or forget the infidelity. If you can't put it, and leave it, in the past your relationship will never be able to work. If you truly love and want to be with your spouse you have to be able to forgive and move on.
2006-06-13 05:48:31 · answer #8 · answered by Tracy N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi C.H. --------
this is a difficult question that you ask. I would say to consult with a professional family counselor for guidance as any of us "JoeBlows" could not give you a correct answer.
If at all .....I know that you are capable of forgiveness....but it's your trust that has been broken by your significant other's infidelity. That's where the "professional" comes in.
Be Well and Best of Luck .
2006-06-13 05:49:35 · answer #9 · answered by Sincero 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to make that decision --- if you aren't ready then - put some space between the two of you... no sense in leading them on....(which is a type of betrayal... because you are allowing them to believe that you are committed to working through a situation - when in actuality you aren't .)
2006-06-13 05:48:14 · answer #10 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't get past the betrayal, you will never be able to make it work.
For myself, I could never forgive, get over, whatever. Once the deed is done, there is no going back to the way it was.
2006-06-13 05:46:35 · answer #11 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋