I need help leaving my abusive husband.?

Question

The abuse just took a big turn for the worse. Right now I don't have any friends or family to go to, both cars are in my H's name, and I just lost my job. To make things worse, my ex-husband heard a rumor that my H is abusive and is suing for custody of my son. If I had a job and a car I would be gone in 2 seconds. If I go to a shelter I'm worried it will show me as unstable in the lawsuit for custody. I live in Salt Lake. I'm applying for executive secretary jobs like crazy (I have over 5 years experience). Anyone have any other ideas? I'm scared to stay, but I'm terrified to leave with my child with no way of supporting him. I need help and I feel like all I'm finding are dead ends. I would love to find a room mate and a cheap car. I do have a 401K check of about 2000 coming in.... but I want to know I have more money coming in before I head out. Am I doing the wrong thing? Please help me!

Answer 1

Jessica,

No, you're not doing the wrong thing and I've read all your question and will do some research here as quick as I can to see what immediate options might be available to you there in Salt Lake City and also how those options might affect your situation with regards to your possible custody issue with your ex. If you want to contact me in the meantime then you will find all my contact information in my profile. I will come back and edit to your question as soon as I know more.


Women In Jeopardy Program YWCA
South Salt Lake City UT 84111
Business #: 801-355-2804
Hotline/Crisis: 801-355-2804

http://www.ywca.org/site/pp.asp?c=glLUJgP9H&b=67283


Utah Domestic Violence Advisory Council
Salt Lake City UT 84103
801-538-4100

http://www.shesgothelp.com/shelters/Utah.html


Utah Domestic Violence Crisis And Support Resources

http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/utdv.shtml

http://www.divorcesource.com/shelters/utah.shtml


STATE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RESOURCES

http://www.baddteddy.com/abuse/abuse_shelters_utah.html

http://www.sboard.org/SHELTERS/UT.HTM


How do I get custody of my children?

Any questions dealing with custody is a legal matter, so you need to contact a lawyer. Call Legal Aid at 801-328-8849 or Legal Services at 801-328-8891.


http://www.hsdcfs.state.ut.us/


If you or someone you know needs more information about domestic violence, call the LINK line at (800) 897-LINK (5465). For more information about the Utah Domestic Violence Council call Judy Kasten Bell, Executive Director, at [phone] or Brandy Farmer, Chair, at [phone].


http://www.utcourts.gov/resources/forms/protectorder/pdf/instruc.pdf


http://www.utcourts.gov/resources/forms/


Positions:

http://regionalhelpwanted.com/Search/detail.cfm?SN=89&ID=12691


http://saltlakecity.craigslist.org/ofc/


http://www.indeed.com/jobs?q=Secretary&l=salt+lake&radius=


http://regionalhelpwanted.com/AdvSearch/AdvJobSearch_Result.cfm?SN=89&DC=City%20is%20Salt%20Lake%20City&A=admin

Answer 2

Check with a lawyer to see if you can set up temporary custody to dad without jeopardizing permanent custody. This is the law in Michigan, but I dont know about Utah. Why do you want your son to be in a bad environment? Maybe it might be good on a temporary basis.

What does abusive mean? Is it physical? Do you have proof. There is probably a mechanism to get him out and still have him maintain the status quo in Utah. Dont know b/c I am not a Utah attorney.

Then divorce the husband, but first, get your car a tune up and new tires and any other repairs that you need.

Second, stash any money you can, stop spending.

You can probably get some temporary support during the divorce. Check with an attorney.

Answer 3

Find a shelter. If you cry in court (sounds like no trouble there) I seriously doubt they will take your kid away. Courts love to leave the kids with the mom.

I would think if you call the local bar association you will find a reference for a lawyer who would do pro bono or severe discount work. If that doesn't work, try a women's rights group, even if you disagree with their overall politics.

Even if you don't want to go to the shelter, call them anyways. They will be very familiar with the problems you are having and should have some great ideas, even if you don't stay with them.

Answer 4

If you're being physically abused, call the cops next time and he'll go to jail. Going to a women's shelter will not depict you as an unfit mother, quite the contrary, it will show your concern for you and your childern's safety. Public assistance is available until you get on your feet. Get to your local hospital, doctor or county officials and get some help. You are not trapped, you are not alone, and help is just a phone call away.

Answer 5

Nobody is going to hand you nothing just because they pity you.

Get yourself together for your child's sake. You cannot afford to lose your self and lose your kid in the process.

Gather some strengh, enough with the selfpity already, is not helping anyone. YES you can go through this, get some courage and seek the help of a friend of a relative and camp there while you get your self together.
Have no relatives? Go to a shelter, they will provide you with a safe enviroment for you and your child, they have therapits and nurses available to help in the situation and have free legal advice and job-searching tools to get you started.

There is no shame in looking for help, and whatever you decide, don;t leave yoru child with your husband unless you think He is better able to provide for him while you get your self together. Do you want your child to live in a car with you? Come on, get real, this is not solely about you, it's a bout the safety and well being of your child and if you do not seek appropiate help, Family services or your husband WILL take your child away from, because they will act in behalf of the well being of the minor.

I know that you are going to a difficult situation, but you have to be strong for your kid. You are responsible for your child and refusing to seek help is irresponsible and selfish. I know that you are scared but no-one will take your son away from you if you behave on a responsible way.

Good luck

Answer 6

run go to a battered womans shelter they can help they will take your kid faster for being in an abusive situation then trying to find help i had to do it i let my ex trash me what made me leave was he beat me in front of my daughter and i didn't want her to think a guy could do it to her to show his "LOVE" . she asked my that day if the harder he hit you did it mean he loved you more hah she was 3 no thank you she now sees a man ever day calls him dad and knows that love has nothing to do with hitting momma

Answer 7

well ill put it this way i to was in an abusive relationship i took the abuse for 10 years i was young and he beat me every day the last straw was when he stuck a shot gun in my butt thats when i knew i had to get out please just leave before its to late.

Answer 8

Wise decision i hope you wont change your mind. Why dont you talk to your ex for help ??