What makes married people have affairs? What is missing from the marriage?

Question

What if it isn't about sex?

Answer 1

Commitment

Answer 2

Many things may be missing from the marriage. If it *IS* about sex, then it is the physical aspects of a relationship that are missing; OR, the spouse is unable to meet the sexual needs of their cheating partner. If the marriage is lacking emotional intimacy, then the affair replaces the friendship and companionship which is lacking.

As every marriage / relationship is different, it's difficult to give a blanket answer to your question. Often times couples grow apart, whether it be from a geographical distance due to work, or an emotional distance due to a myriad of issues.

Maybe the couple wasn't compatible to begin with, and the "thrill" ended shortly after the vows. Once finances are co-mingled many men and women would rather have clandestine relationships than separate "things," giving up the opportunity for a happy life in order to hang on to material objects.

The biggest thing here is that SOMETHING is missing from the marriage if there is an affair. When it happens, it is time to figure out if the marriage / relationship is worth saving, or if it is time to move on and allow each partner the opportunity to find "the one" and be happy.

Answer 3

Hello Brad,
Most of the time married people have affairs because of dissapointments and unfullfilled expectations in a marriage and they are selfish and not selfless. It is not always just about sex sometimes the women are lonely and feel their husbands do not love them or understand them and they get depressed and down and start looking elswhere for someone that will and it will lead to affairs and adultery. Men sometimes feel this way too. There is a reason there are counselors and people out there who can help. Sad part is most people dont seek the help they need and marriages fall apart because of this.
If couples would go into marriage for the right reasons and not for selfish reasons and be committed loving and true things would be way better and marriages would last.

Answer 4

It usually isn't about sex. It is usually a feeling they get from the other person that they are not getting from their mate. It is definitely not right, but when your relationship is at a point where an affair seems necessary, it is probably time to get of the marriage with your dignity and self worth in tact, before even going forward with the affair.

Answer 5

Usually the spark and fun and excitment is missing from a relationship and that is why one or both spouses seek to find that adventure in someone else, and they usually do. Marriage becomes boring, routine, including sex...that becomes boring routine sometimes like a chore. Once that is gone from a marriage it is very hard sometimes impossible to get it back. Once a spouse finds another and sees the fun and excitment in having an affair they rarely find their spouse interesting any longer.

Answer 6

I have been married to the most wonderful man for the past 29 years....some years ago his best friend...started showing interest in me...Actually it was a seduction in progress..He nearly turned my head...But by the grace of God..I was able to remain conscious of what was going on...At the time my spouse gave me free Will to go out with this man. I was going out having a good time. I think back now how I was just prey! No real excuse on my part...just plain stupidity...and selfishness. But like I said good thing I came to my senses. I love my husband dearly..also I did tell him what was going on...his friend is still his friend but he is more cautious about him being around me. Also this was not about sex....sex didn't come into play...though it could have. I know that's where it was leading up to...the whole seduction game. This person knew that I was not one to take my marriage
lightly. He knew all about me...and worked on that. He knew he had to try and capture my heart...first. Just didn't happen...but like I said if not for the Love of God and My love of my husband..I could have made a terrible mistake....more so than I had already allowed myself

Answer 7

They probably want something spicy or different. I think that in the marriage feelings just fade at some point, after being together for a while. Then people miss that emotional conection & chemistry.

Answer 8

First thing is key.

Mostly is depends on the person doing the cheating.

Males, it could be the lack of sex in the relationship, the lack of their partners desire to satisfy the males needs or wants in the bedroom, the lack of their partners willingness to explore new sexual ways, all these are possible reasons.

Females, it would be more about the lack of feelings their partner shows them or attention, the partner does not show them the proper respect or fullfills their needs.

Answer 9

Many people feel the need for the newness of relationships that is hard to maintain in a marriage.

Answer 10

well im married, haven't had an affair, but i have thought about it. and reason being is because my husband is disrespectful, lies, and is very selfish. i sometimes just want to find someone who will listen, understand me, respect me and think im beautiful. someone that will do everything in their power to try to please me and make me happy. its not at all about sex for me, i could careless. i would rather be pleased emotionally then sexually. whats frustrating is he knows all this but does nothing to change it. i think he doesn't take me seriously or just doesn't hear a thing i say, well his eyes are always glued to the t.v. and not me????