What would you do if your son flunked a grade?

Question

My son just flunked 3rd grade, after constant attention and pushing all year both from his teacher and me. We thought he might have a learning disability, but it turned out he is just stubborn and lazy. Now, he has to complete 3rd grade again. I am now toying with the idea of sending him to private school for his second year of grade 3. Anyone ever had to deal with this? Have you tried private school as an alternative? How did your remedies work?

I looked into Sylvan, I would have to take out a loan to send him there. Also, regarding punishing and removal of privledges, I did that. He used to have extracurricular activities-all of which he eventually lost, simply because he could'nt keep up with his homework. He wants to do Karate, but not enough to work for it. Regarding video games, tv, etc....He gets none of those. He lost those BEFORE the activites went away. I am telling you, this is one stubborn kid.

Answer 1

I would suggest tutoring as well. It's possible that he had trouble with some sort of concept, then fell further and further behind, which may have contributed to his stubbornness and laziness.

Private schooling isn't necessarily better, but some one on one attention might help him out to make sure he's comprehending what he is learning in class.

Answer 2

First, I would talk to him and see if there is something bothering him more than just being stubborn and lazy. Sometimes there's an underlying problem. Have you taken your child to the optomotrist to have his eyes checked? Sometimes kids don't want to own up to the fact that they need glasses. If that is not the case, then I would suggest that he go through 3rd grade again, if possible with a different teacher. I would meet with that teacher at the beginning of the year and set up some kind of behavior plan where if your son does well, he gets some kind of reward. This would have to be followed through at home and at school. For example, if he does well at school, he might get more computer time or whatever he likes to do, but also, at the end of the week, he gets his favorite food or gets to go to a place he likes to eat. Private school is a last resort, I wouldn't do that unless all else fails.

Answer 3

Private school is sometime more difficult for a child. You should really get him some tutoring and second opinion on any learning disabilities he may have. If you used the school services for testing your son, you should look into getting him tested by doctors outside the school district. It has been my experience that the school doctors will tell you nothing is wrong because that mean the school district will have to spend more money on your child to get him the help he really needs. You should also speak with your son and find out how he feels, maybe someone was bulling him in that case get him some counseling too. Good luck and stay on top of things (that's the hardest part).

Answer 4

I would suggest to let him do it all over again. You said you and the teacher were pushing him all year. Since you tried that and it didn't work, why don't you try not pushing him to much. I know I learn a lot on my own. Maybe he felt pressure you might think no because he's only in the 3 grade; but just give it a try to see what the outcome might be. Remember if you think by punishing him might help you might make him not to try at all. Give him a little space and especially some encouraging words make him feel special even though he got left back.

Answer 5

Private schools can be a costly alternative and may not prove any more helpful than the public school he attends now. Why not invest the money you would spend to send him there on special tutoring and incentives to help him with the motivation. I doubt very much he is just lazy and stubborn. I would be willing to bet that he fell behind at some point and became discouraged and hopeless, this is what in turn led to his lack of effort. Try to be a little compassionate and encourage your son. I think if you can do all of this you'll see a big change. Best of luck.

Answer 6

I went to private school from Kindegarten to 8th grade, and while I don't know that a child needs 9 years of it, I strongly encourage parents to consider it during the beginning years (maybe until about grade 6) because I feel that it gave me an edge when I transferred to public school.

Also you might consider a tutor. High school and college students work well because they need the extra income, and are usually more in tune with the teaching methods used now than parents are.

Another suggestion would be to turn studying into games. For example, if your son has 20 vocabulary words to learn each week for a test on Friday, make matching cards and play memory with him. Or make up funny rhymes about things he has difficulty remembering. Reward him when he improves. Good luck!

Answer 7

Without knowing what methods were tried to solve the problems, anything that is written is sort of meaningless. Did he "flunk" every subject? How far into the school year was it before you sat down with the teacher to discuss things? What motivates your son? Did you try using those things as a reward for acheiving better grades? Repeating a grade isn't the worst thing in the world for a child, but unless the circumstances and environment around him change, he may not have success going forward.

Answer 8

Stubborn kid? Well, Mom, in the short answer, you are going to have to get MORE stubborn than he is. Here are a couple of ideas that may help you out.

Make an area of your home into his HOMEWORK AREA. It will be all that is allowed in that area, and he cannot leave that area until his homework is done. It has to be done, period. Once his homework is done, REWARD him. Make sure he gets lots of postive feedback. If he needs help, check it out, help him. I'm not saying do his homework for him, but you want to be involved.

Now, I'm also not trying to say that you don't get invovled. I don't know you and don't know what you are doing, so I give the general area of advice and you get to pick and choose what works for you.

You said that you and the teacher get involved in "pushing" him to do his homework and school work. Have you considered doing a contract with him? A contract is a technique used by local schools in my area. It spells out what is expected of the child and is followed by the teacher. They sign it for the child at the end of the day and send it home to you in a small notebook. You sign it and send it back. It serves as a constant reminder to your child that someone is interested and watching over his progress. If he isn't getting his school work done in class that he is supposed do, take away recess. Make him sit and do class work while everyone else goes out to play. I've seen that crack the most stubborn of the stubborn. His friends will create peer pressure to come out and play and that will leave him with only one viable choice. Do the school work.

Teach him about the future. Ask him what he wants to be when he grows up. Then explain to him how the lack of a good education and good work in school will prevent him from obtaining his dreams.

Just basic ideas here from dealing with a stubborn kid myself. I hope this helps you out somehow. Best of luck.

Answer 9

Does he already know the information and is just refusing to give you the results you want?

My nephew is like this. He simply doesn't want to do the work. He can do it all correctly the first time, but after that, on repeat assignments, he either gets it all wrong, or just won't do it. He knows how, he's just bored and does not see the point in doing it again.

If that's the case, perhaps there is a way to engage him by having him teach others or go into an accellerated program.

Answer 10

I have nannied a child from 3rd-5th grade. He was diagnosed with ADHD. In my opinion (I am awaiting my certification as a middle school math teacher), He needed some attention, not just someone who was there to teach or make him learn his math. Because I was more than a tutor, I was able to let him be himself. I learned how he learned. It wasn't that he was lazy or rude or disruptive (although it seemed that way at first). He liked to be challenged, he liked to tell me what he had taught himself. Your son might be the same way. Instead of testing him on what he knows, ask him to show you what he knows using the objects or subjects that interest him-have him write a story based on his interest-see if his writing skills are up to par with the class-check his math using the money he has-what does he want to buy?-what would be the change?-Sometimes once they get that no one is excluded them as individuals, they follow the class assignments pretty well-they still need that one on one with mommy and daddy about what really interests them-This is how the great sciences were foster-No one really fits in the same mold. I hope you make a good decision.