How do I live my life away from my abusive spouse?

Question

I have dealt with emotional, verbal, mental and economic abuse besides other types--except physical. My children have seen the end results by looking at my face. They've seen me sad. They have been subject to this madness just by how I've been treated. I try not to answer the phone. I try to stay focused on rebuilding my financial outlook and getting stable for my children. Me and my spouse had 2 together (2yrs, 3yrs---3yr old has severe autism). Yet, I have 5 altogether. He is a master manipulator and I'm tired of my kindness and forgiveness being misused. The name-callings still ring in my head. The jekyll/hyde behavior still flashes in my mind. He lives 2 spaces away from me, and I'm trying to find another place.

Answer 1

I understand completely where you're coming from. Having survived the mental abuse (first time it turned physical, I left) I can honestly say that it carries more scars than the physical does.

First, even though you're still in the same local as your ex, congratulations for moving out! That takes a lot of nerve right there. You're on your first step for starting life over. I would definitely encourage you to continue to look for different housing farther away from him.

Second, even though you have children, you need to concentrate some on yourself as well. You should seek some counseling to realize that you're not as out of control of your life as I'm sure you sometimes feel. It took me awhile to realize that as well but once you figure that out, things start to look up. Also, when you're able to focus on yourself and be honest with yourself, you begin to see how you ended up in the situation you did and you begin to analyze yourself and what's truly important to you.

Last, do not give in to the temptation of finding another man to "take care of you and the kids". This would be seriously determental to you and to your family at this point. Until you know who you are, inside and out, and what's truly important to you, you're likely to fall back into the same mental abuse trap that you were in before. It's ok not to have a man in your life. Once you find out how to make yourself happy, then Mr. Right (versus Mr. Right now) will come.

Good luck to you and, again, congratulations for starting your new life!

Answer 2

I feel you. I had a lover who lowered my self esteem really bad from much abuse. But, even though I am not a woman, if I was you, I would go to a Battered Shelter for help and take the kids. Material stuff just would have to stay. File a retraining order against him and start making plans to improve your life. A person like him can make you feel so worthless and ugly, inside and out, that it makes you feel like a prisoner in your own home. This is not good for you. If you can't take the kids, leave them with a trusted family member or friend. Your life is at stake and in a flash, he can harm you seriously, just for trying to leave. Don't put no fuel into the fire, get out and save yourselves and leave him to burn in his own world! I don't want to see you become a victim on America Most Wanted because of this stupid ***! I wish you much luck and safety. I will say a prayer for you and your kids.

Answer 3

bring your children along and stay away far from the pervert. Next, report to the nearest police station that you have been hit by husband each times (at least a report was filed). Next, go to solicitor firm and engage a lawyer to file a divorce and get the children custody. Final part, enrol yourself in a defensive classes which you can protecting yourself from harm and such classes would build your self-confidence back to normal and you will be feel more healthier, happier and stronger. I hope my advises would be able to ease your problems.

Answer 4

You are on the right track honeypumpkin, you need to be able to take care of yourself first. By doing this you will have the strength and energy to take care of the children. I'm sorry for what happened to you but now you need to be positive in your attitude and slowly you will learn to put this past behind you. Just look forward from now on. You have a bright future and so do your children. They will learn quickly to feed off of the positive energy that you put out there.
I wish you the best of luck and congratulate you on your strength!

Answer 5

First of all...I think you are very couragious to try to pick up your own life...good for you!I know from experience how hard that is....and I wish you loads of strength.
What I'd advice you is to seek help.Go to the police,get your nearest family and friends involved,get a lawyer....get as many people as you can arround you.(like a safety-network)There are people specialized in helping abused women,if you don't know how to reach them,ask your doctor ore the police when you visit them...
If you are afraid to live on your own,there are shelters for abused women..if you don't want that,ask a close friend ore close family if you can stay there.(thats what I did)
Remember:you are not the only one...and you are not to blame here!

Answer 6

You need counseling and therapy to even start to heal from all the pain and agony this has caused you. You need to get a place much farther away from him and have no contact with him and have a friend or family member to take them to see their dad. You need to stay away from him all together.

Answer 7

well sound like you are doing the right thing bye safeing up your money i feel so sorry for you and your kids you have a real *** hole of a husband have you look at any community surport in your area because this sound like very bad abuse bye your husband i wish you the best of luck

Answer 8

take self defence when he is sleep pack ya bags take kids and go

Answer 9

get away from him as fast as you can. dont even talk to him.