I Just found out my 17 year old is pregnant! Should she keep the baby?

Question

I have been warning my wife about this, she keeps denying that she has been having sex. She tells me that she is on Birthcontrol since she had a ovarian cyst 3 months ago. However ya got to take the pills, they dont work sitting on the desk. Responsability is the key here, and my daughter hasnt shown it to me at all yet. I say Abortion, MOM says NO! Friends agree w me, but family does not. HELP ME WHAT DO I DO?

I appreciate all the fast comments, I want to add that I have already decided NOT to make her have an ABORTION. I was just trying to get help for me here more than anything. I am still having trouble coping with her and responsability, She is also a HOT HEAD, and I am on her like a fly on poop with that. I am mostly scared for the baby. We will see, Keep posting THANKS

Answer 1

The first thing that I would do, is tell her that she has to move out.. there are no questions or buts about that... The responsibility does not only fall on her and you guys for being the parents, where is the father of this child in all this???? But she needs to learn some responsibility and if you are going to shelter her and this baby, then you are taking all the responsibilities away from the baby's father and make it very easy for them both.. The way that you need to do is making it difficult, and of course, if you really see, that she is going to be out on the streets because the baby's father is not going to do nothing for her and she has nowhere to go, then you step in, but you need to give her some tough love, and she needs to realize that she has to take care of HER baby, as you guys took care of HER.. and that responsibility is HERS and the BABY'S FATHER, not YOURS, because you are only grandparents, and you will welcome your grandchild with open arms and be just that, GRANDPARENTS, but that child has his PARENTS and she and him need to take care of THEIR child.. You may give her a hand, but you are not going to take her all the way through... She needs to learn responsibility and if you guys make it easy for her, you will end up raising your grandchild and supporting her... That would be the worse mistake that you will ever do, as she will end up getting pregnant again, because you guys made it so easy for her... Once, she learns how hard things really are, she will think about contraceptives before opening her legs... good luck.

Answer 2

If your 17 year old is not mature and responsible enough to assume the parental care of an infant, I would suggest that your family discuss adoption. A relative in the family may be interested in adopting the child. However, you will need to remember that the father of the baby also has rights as well, so he will need to be included in the discussion. If responsibility is truly an issue with your daughter, I would not suggest that you give her the option of an abortion. In life their truly is no easy out of difficult problems. Additionally, an abortion could permanently scar her and leave her unable to have children in the future.

I became pregnant when I was 17; however, I was a very mature for my age due to a difficult childhood. I got married, had the baby and now 10 years later I can look back without a single regret. However, the journey to this point was far from easy. We each have to make choices and we all hope at the time that they are the right ones.

I wish you and your family the best of luck in your decisions.

Answer 3

This is honestly something that you guys have to agree with inside your family. No one can tell you what to do. I personally do not agree with abortion so of course I am going to say no abortion.
You are right birth control does not work sitting on the desk. It has to be taken. And that does show that she is not responsible.
However sometimes a baby can make someone real responsible real quick.
Tell her that she needs to get a job and do other things to prove to you guys that she is ready to raise a baby and not live off of you or the system.
Also look into other options such as adoption etc in case she does prove that she can not handle the responsibilities of raising a baby.
Leave your friends out of it. It is really none of their business. This is a decision that needs to be made between you, your wife and your daughter. Taking your friends opinions more seriously than your wife's is just going to lead to marriage problems. And is really inconsiderate of your wife and her feelings. Remember she just found out that she might be a grandma! I am sure that is hard for her to hear and she has a lot of emotions raging right now especially if it is her first grandchild.

Hear out everyone and then make the decision that is best for your family!

Answer 4

Abort or not abort is a question that will always elicit arguments due to the philosophical nature of it. I am catholic and therefor do not believe in abortion, however i am sympathetic to the situations that could arise that would raise such a question. I to am a parent and do not envy you in this difficult situation. I can only share with you an experience my wife's family went through a couple of years ago. Her cousin was 17 and got pregnant by her boyfriend. She eventually decided to have the child and immediately gave the child up for adoption. she receives a letter about her daughter from the parents that adopted her and she is at peace with it. She too thought of abortion but to this day is glad she didn't. I wish the best for you and your family and hope what ever you decide you can decide together. Don't forget that even though your daughter may be immature or irresponsible she will be most effected by this decision and therefor needs to be an important part of the decision. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I'm very happy to hear that you have decided no abortion. Adoption is still an option. When I got pregnant shortly after graduating high school, my mother told me I ruined her life. She then told me I'd be trailer trash with 6 babies and 5 babies daddies. I was on the pill and we used condoms. I was trying to be responsible about it. Now I realize if I had been responsible, I would have waited until my wedding night. I got a full time job and went to junior college full time. I was determined to prove my mother wrong. I miscarried at 12 weeks and it broke my heart. The lesson I have taken from it (other than being responsible and being ready and able to deal with the consequences of my actions) is that if one of my children gets pregnant or gets a girl pregnant, I'll be supportive. In all honesty, if need be, I would adopt the child that was really my grandchild. Don't think of this unborn baby as your daughter's mistake. Think of him/her as your grandchild. Ask what you would do to unsure your grandchild had the best possible life. Remember, this is your daughter's decision but she need you and her mother now more than ever. I pray that will straighten out her life like I did. I joined the Navy, married a Marine and am now pregnant with our second child. I learned from my experience and I wish all the best for you and your family. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

I know it's scary 2 have your 17th girl pregnant, but things are arready done. What you need to do as her father is support her in a way where she can become independent & more important responsible. Talk 2 her & tell that mom & dad will be able to help but she needs 2 become responsabily starting now & that your wife needs 2 support too. She got her self into this, she needs 2 know that it is not a game is a little person that will be needing love, careness & a responsible mommy. What about the father??? if they don't want to be married he needs 2 be responsible too it was not only your daughters fault. But as soon as this baby is born you will see how he/ she is going to change your world you will be able to spoil, love & care this baby. Just be a comprehensive father support your daugther but do not over support her she can get an easy job in the mean while so she can earn cuz this baby will be needing lots of stuff. GOOD luck to all & congratulations being a suture GRAND"PA.. Enjoy it as much as you can even if the baby is not born yet, let the baby know how much you love him/her..:)

Answer 7

This is a tough decision to make! I feel for you. I think you should sit down with your wife, daughter, the young man who helped make the baby and his parents and discuss all of the options there are. Abortion is a BIG DEAL and should not be taken lightly. Has your daughter graduated from high school? What are her plans for the future? Are there any homes for girls in your area, where she may be able to talk with teens around her age or older who have been in her situation? She can hear, first-hand, of their experiences and make a decision for herself. Ultimately, she is the one who will have to live with whatever decision she makes. 17 years-old is one year away from adulthood and decision-making is a major part of life...I don't know how to finish that statement. I got pregnant at 17 and on my way to college. The decision I made was to have an abortion. I was not ready to be anyone's parent, nor was the father wanting to be a part of the baby's life. In retrospect, I regret it (every day). Abortion is the easy, but painful way out and as another respondent said, it does not solve her problem of irresponsibility. I agree with another person on here, who said that she should look into adoption. Years later, I became pregnant, but this time I made another choice. I have an 8-year old daughter and I wouldn't trade her for the world. Her father does not want to be a part of her life, but that just makes me love her even more. Being a single-parent has made me think before I do things, because I am not the only person to be affected by it. There are consequences to everything you do in life, you have to be able to deal with them. Learn from mistakes and make better choices. I hope that the advice helps make it easier.

Answer 8

yes she should keep her baby-it depends on what ur daughter wants 2 do.u don't have the right 2 decide that she gets a abortion because its not only going 2 change ur live but ur daughter's too.(you have 2 remember that because at the end of the day if she wants 2 keep the baby she's going to keep the baby -she's find a way_no matter what you say).why can't u be a little more supportive like wife, and stop saying abortion(that's just wrong to kill a person that didn't really have a chance at life).now if she doesn't want the baby, i think she should think about adorption.

Answer 9

Sorry to hear but either way you put it there's going to be a issue your daughter can't be force to do something she doesn't want to do but on the other hand is she responsible enough?Who will raise the child her or you and your wife.You,your wife,daughter and her boyfriend need to sit down and talk.Your daughter needs to under stand that the baby isn't a doll they need thing's.There's different ways to handle this situation they have the abortion pill that's just like a mis carriage.If she really wants this baby she gonna have to grow up really fast,get a job no more hanging with friends.Good Luck

Answer 10

I think you should let your daughter know that it was her decision to be having sex and if she thought she was responsible enough to do that, she should be responsible enough to deal with the consequences. Let her know you won't be helping her with this child or supporting her in any way and if she's going to drop out of school, find a job, daycare, apartment, then go for it, but if not, she needs to really step up and acknowlege that she can't handle this right now. I would talk adoption to her because abortion would probably sound pretty harsh to her. There's open adoption where the birth mother can keep in contact with adoptive parents, exchange letters/pictures, PICK the parents, etc. Good luck!

Answer 11

Don't make her get an abortion. I had my first child at 16. Yes it was early but I am so glad that I didn't kill her. I love her so much. I am now 27 and I have four children. Just make sure that she has a really good support system and is able to finish high school. she just has to understand that all the extra stuff that she was getting from you and her mom will now go to the baby and all the extra time she had is no longer hers, it belongs to the baby as well. Just please don't make her get an abortion. You could be forcing her to make the biggest mistake of her life and then you had have to live with her being upset with you for the rest of your life.

IM me if you wanna talk about it more.